[Music]
[Applause]
daddy come ride this elephant that was
the request of my daughter about a
decade ago as she sat on a tree that had
fallen on a trail we were hiking on in
the forest perhaps I was just too tired
that day or I wasn't in the mood but for
some reason I couldn't see the elephant
and if I'm being completely honest with
you perhaps I didn't want to see the
elephant because seeing the elephant
meant that I would have to care that I
would have to put her needs above my own
that I would have to care more about
what she wanted than what I wanted in
that moment I often think about that
moment and it bothers me why could I not
see the elephant perhaps more
importantly why did I choose not to see
the elephant I realized now that that
moment was much bigger than just whether
or not I could see a pretend elephant
made out of wood it was about my
daughter and it was about her individual
needs it was about whether or not I was
willing to care about someone else more
than I was caring about myself it was a
moment of truth a leadership test if you
would was I willing to put the needs of
someone else above my own now the scary
thing to me is that often throughout
most of our lives many of us lose the
ability to see elephants in the forest
and it's not because we grow old or
because we stop learning how to play
pretend but our eyes begin to change
instead of looking outward we begin
looking inward instead of looking
outward toward other people's needs
we're consistently looking in order to
our needs our wants our desires and this
look inward figuratively blinds us from
what leadership is about putting others
needs ahead of our own caring more about
other people than we care about
ourselves now there's no corrective lens
that this world can offer us to help us
see better
and in fact media Hollywood and others
really don't provide any corrective
measures for this in fact it's just the
opposite if we were to look at the
leadership that the world is offering
it's very cutthroat it's very
individualized it's about me me me
what's in it for me right our favorite
radio station wifm that we're all tuned
into we're consistently asking ourselves
how does this benefit me how does this
get me to where I want to go how does
this accomplish my goals it's a wealth
fest a beauty contest a popularity
contest and unfortunately too many of us
have bought into this form of leadership
we believe it is about us we believe it
is about our needs or wants our desires
and so this inward gaze blinds us to
that which is so obvious in front of all
of us these hidden elephants that reside
in the forest that represent other
people's needs at what point in our life
in our society did we stop valuing
leaders who have the courage to see
elephants in the forest at what point
did we stop valuing those who are
willing to put others individual needs
ahead of our own who care more about
others than they care about themselves
at what point did we become leaders that
can look over the need of a young
daughter who just wanted her dad to sit
on an elephant in the middle of a forest
now since that moment a decade ago I
often think about what leadership is
truly about and having the opportunity
to present to numerous organizations and
groups on leadership tips and techniques
I always start by having them shift
their eyes outward instead of inward
most recently I was working with a
student group this group was responsible
for among many other things helping
students get registered for classes at a
college university this is a big task so
I had the group in a room at a retreat
and I decided to break the group the
group up into two left half of him in
the room took the other half into a
hallway behind closed doors I talked to
the group in the room and said here's
what's going to happen
the group from the outside is going to
enter this room and they have one goal
in one goal only that's to get you to
register for spring semester that's it
you're going to act like a normal
college student if you're listening to
music listen to music if you're on your
phone be on your phone if you're
interested in what they're saying be
interested if you're not if don't be
talk to your friends whatever you do as
a normal college student I then left to
the group that was in the hallway said
listen you only have one goal get in
there and get this group registered for
classes
any questions nope cool doors open we
entered the room they started pairing up
with their peers that had been waiting
for him and so it began the group from
the hallway began introducing themselves
to the students hi I'm Eric Kirby nice
to meet you
hey I see your student here at this
University how come you're not
registered for classes we need to get
you registered classes are filling up
and so it went in that direction this
went on for several minutes and I could
see the frustration begin to mount in
the eyes and voices of that group from
the hallway they weren't having much
luck and the students being normal
college students they did a brilliant
job
they weren't overly difficult but it was
tough so as the frustrations began to
mount I ended up breaking the group's up
again sent the group back out to the
hallway kept the group in their room
after chatting with the group in the
room for just a little bit
I then exited to the group and the
hallway said what went wrong you only
had one task to do get the students
registered and the students vented that
they didn't want anything to do with it
they wouldn't get off their phones they
wouldn't pull out their earbuds it was
just very rude they were mean to us and
you could just sense that that hostility
I did my best to calm him down and gave
him a little bit of a pep talk and then
said let's let's go let's get back in
there let's get these students
registered so I opened up the doors
again and we entered the room except
this time something had changed while
they were out in the hallway I gave each
of the students a sign that we're
waiting in that room a sign that they
held in front of themselves and on these
signs were words that I had heard from
student leaders over the past decade
such phrases as I suffer from depression
suicidal tendencies my parents just
owned disowned me because I came out of
the closet I have no friends I just
found out I have cancer I'm homeless I'm
hungry I have no food and so on every
student had a unique sign from student
leaders in the past that perhaps none of
us cared to know much about or perhaps
we couldn't see that elephant in the
forest that was right in front of us but
it was so cool to see these students
from the hallways they came back in
ready to go they were animated ready to
get these students registered but the
tone shifted as soon as they saw these
signs in front of their peers the
conversation shifted it was no longer
about registration it was no longer
about satisfying their needs as student
workers who had to get them registered
it said the conversations went like this
hey John how are you how's school how's
life how's your family
the ability to shift to think about that
which may be impossible if not
improbable began these students from the
hallway we're beginning to consider
things that may or may not exist about
the reality of what's going on in those
students lives and right there they
began to see what leadership is about
caring more about others than they cared
about themselves imagine if all of us as
leaders could see that way imagine if
all of us could go about our day
imagining that someone had a sign on
them that had something serious going on
in their lives
I would venture to guess that if we
could imagine that 99% of the time would
be correct imagine how that vision would
change the way you act behave treat
other people imagine how about would
that would impact the way you lead I do
my best to put on these eyes of
leadership that when someone comes into
my office frustrated I imagine that
maybe they just found out some really
bad news
and that's why they're irritated with me
when a student calls anger that they
didn't get the classes they want I just
envisioned that maybe they got the grade
the disappointed or maybe they just
found out that their mom is suffering
from cancer
now does that impossible perhaps but it
begins to shift the way I see Stephen
Covey calls this shift the ability to
start looking outward a paradigm shift
and in his book seven Habits of Highly
Effective People he tells the following
story he was on a subway car Sunday
morning
very quiet people around reading their
newspapers deep in thought what not
after a few stops a father gets on with
several kids the father plops down next
to Covey immediately goes deep into
thought just glazed goes over him and
the kids very rambunctious begin to
cause a lot of frustration among the
other passengers they began to throw
things and swing on the bars and in fact
started taking people's newspapers this
began to irritate obviously all the
passengers but in particular Covey he
continued to look over the father
expecting him to do something but
nothing happened so after a while Covey
finally interrupted the father and said
hey your kids are bothering everyone are
you going to do something about it
the father snapped out of this day's
that he was in and looked up and saw
what the kids were doing said yeah I
sorry I guess I should do something
we're just leaving the hospital we're an
hour ago my wife and their mom passed
and I guess we're trying to figure out
how to cope with this Covey goes on to
talk about how this immediately shifted
the way he saw and because he was able
to shift his eyes to see needs and
feelings of other people that began to
impact the way he thought the way he
behaved and then the way he acted the
world has too many self-serving leaders
the world has too many leaders that look
inward only and have become blind to the
needs and the realities that exist out
there the time has come that we shift
our eyes outward instead of inward the
time has come to where we believe that
every single person is in need and we
act accordingly the time has come for
the courage to see elephants in the
forest even if they aren't there because
it's the right thing to do thank you
[Applause]