- Hello to you Rasputin.
Give my regards to the czar.
- I will relay the message.
(upbeat music)
- Oh, I don't know why I thought I could do this.
I'm drowning, and cats hate drowning.
- If I may, I believe I can take on
more responsibility around here,
on a provisional basis of course.
- Okay.
- But we're small agency and we need to think like one.
Instead of us spreading ourselves thinner
we should be focusing on getting better gigs
for the clients we already have.
- Oh, like Jerry Maguire.
- Yes.
What part of Jerry Maguire?
- The part where Tom Cruise's agent got him a massive payday
for being in Jerry Maguire.
(upbeat music)
Okay, looking good.
Fantastic.
You need a coaster.
I told you to wear lipstick and underpants, Theresa.
- I put everything bill-related in one folder.
- Great. - Gas bill, cable bill
and the new headshots for Bill-E-Zane.
- Thank you Judah.
You also wanted me to remind you to call Mr. Peanut Butter.
Yeah, thank you.
Ping me again in two minutes, no five minutes.
When's our call with BoJack Ana Spanakopita?
- You mean the one that started seven minutes ago?
It started seven minutes ago.
- What?
- Diane's in your office right now stalling, poorly.
I settled on a company dental plan.
It's called the tooth, the whole tooth
and nothing but the tooth.
Seemed comprehensive.
- Not too thabby Judah. (chuckling)
- Yes.
I also wanted to talk to you, if this is a good time,
and it is because you have exactly nine minutes
before your meeting on Captain Hooker Two,
Yo Hoe Hoe and a Bottle of Booty.
- Yeah, what's up?
- As you know I've taken on duties
beyond the scope of my original contract.
I think I've proven my work.
- Are you asking for a raise?
- A more elegant solution might involve
an ownership position in the company.
I thought I'd ask you for 15% stake,
you counter with five and then we settle on 10.
- Well then, it's settled.
- I'll draw up the paperwork.
Speaking of paper, Piper Perabo and Pauley Perrette
need to push back the pitch on
the Princess and the Pauper project.
So you have a night off tonight.
- A night off?
When's the last time that happened?
- It hasn't.
Can I help you with anything else?
Yeah, you can give me a date for tonight.
Actually, make that three dates.
Who knows when I'm gonna get another night off.
- I do, and you won't.
(sighing)
Princess Caroline, I made reservations
for you tonight at Elefante.
- Reservations?
For your dates.
You have one a seven, one at 8:30 and one at 10.
- You actually got me three dates?
I was joking.
- I'm sorry, I sometimes have trouble reading tone.
One time I spent 45 minutes at a fascinating lecture
at the Apollo Theater before I realized
it was a comedy routine.
- Well, I can't go on three days.
Can we reschedule two of them?
- It's going to be a long time before you get
another night off, especially since you have
all those lawyers coming next week
to change the light bulbs.
Okay, I just realized now that was also a joke.
(light music)
Oh, why were you working in the dark?
- Oh, I guess it got dark.
I didn't notice.
How were your dates?
- Oh, pointless.
- Yes, most dates are.
- Ha!
- Well, I prepared our agreement.
Look it over and sign it at your leisure.
- I don't have any leisure.
- While you're signing things,
I have a stack of holiday cards for the staff.
I took the liberty of writing little personal messages
to everyone on your behalf.
- Thank you.
- Uh huh.
(light music)
- Hey man, loved you in The Caveman's Valentine.
- Huh?
- Nothing?
The Caveman's Valentine.
Samuel L. Jackson had that big beard.
Look it up.
When you start laughing, call me.
- Will do.
Vanessa, Gecko on line two.
- Great, put that raggedy-ass bitch on.
I'm gonna bash her around like a ball of foil.
- I know you're excited but we are still
in a very precarious position,
and I wonder if foil ball batting is the best tack here.
(downtrodden music)
- Oh good, you're still here.
I wanted to get a head start on the 2016 budget.
- Oh.
- It's going to be a challenge
but assuming BoJack books Pegasus.
BoJack didn't book Pegasus.
- Oh so he's doing the Jelly Bean Movie?
- No, that fell apart, too.
- Well then, we're gonna have to cut costs.
Our social media division strikes me
as a luxury we can no longer afford,
but if things don't perk up in the first quarter,
we might be looking at broader layoffs.
- Jesus Christ, Judah, do you ever read a room?
- I'm sorry, is this a bad time?
- Is midnight on New Years, a bad time?
I don't know.
Why don't you run that through your robot analysis protocol
and get back to me once you've assessed the data.
- I am not a robot, I am a human being.
- You want to make some cuts?
Why don't you cut that stupid beard.
Everyone who walks in here thinks this place
is run by a homeless person.
- I apologize if my appearance
or demeanor is unprofessional.
- (sighing) No, you're perfect.
Everybody's perfect except for me.
Just go home Judah.
- Would you like me to shave the beard or--
- Just go home Judah.
(fireworks crackle)
- Happy New Year, Princess Caroline.
(downtrodden music)
As a partner in the company, I am prepared to forgo
my salary for the next three months
but even then we're going to need some sort of miracle.
- What are we doing?
What was the point of any of this?
I wasted everyone's time for six months.
Soon I'll get some offer from one of the big five agencies
that I can't say no to and I'll go back
to being another cog in the giant Plate
'O Spaghetti Maker that is this industry.
Is that the best I can hope for?
- Not necessarily.
Although there was one thing I should probably mention.
- What is it, Judah?
- Maybe this is an opportunity
to live one of your other eight lives.
- Yeah, maybe.
It's been a pleasure working with you, Judah.
- I found it to be an above average experience.
Please forgive me for getting emotional.
- Oh my god.
Thank God you're not a mother,
you would be hilarious at it.
Hey, today was fun.
I'll call you in the morning we'll figure this out.
We'll deal with it.
(heavy sighing)
- If you'd like to never see him again,
I have ways of getting rid of him.
- What kind of ways?
- Asking him politely to not come back.
Actually that's only one way.
I apologize for misleading you about the number of ways.
- He's a jerk right?
It's not just me?
- I've worked with guys like him in FME.
And when I left, I swore I would never work
at a big agency again because
I can't work with people like that.
- You don't think I'm like that?
- No because you care about people other than yourself.
And for what it's worth, you will be a wonderful mother.
- You're not just saying that?
- I never just say anything.
I choose my words very carefully
with an eye towards precision and expediency.
I'm surprised you haven't noticed that.
- Sorry you got fired, here's a latte.
- Oh, uh.
- It's decaf ma'am.
- Thanks Judah.
You know, one year ago a setback like this
would have really spun me out, but I don't need Courtney.
Every time we fall, we get back up
stronger and better than ever.
Can I get a hallelujah?
- Is that a sort of press juice?
I'll have one hallelujah on your desk by 12:45.
- Great.
What's next?
- I noticed your necklace was broken,
so I push back your doctor's appointment
and found a reputable jeweler nearby.
- Don't know what I'd do without you my harry number two.
Oh god, I'm sorry that came out horribly.
- Not to speak above my station, but perhaps
it would behoove us to entice BoJack Horseman
back into our stable.
- Ugh.
I'm sorry ma'am, stable and behoove were poor word choices.
I was not trying to engage in punery during business hours
but we've received 15 more inquiries
about BoJack just this morning.
And I don't think it's wise to look at gift,
opportunity in the mouth.
- BoJack is off the table.
We're a small management company.
We just need to focus on the clients we have.
- You know best.
Oh, excuse me, hello.
- Judah, you'll never guess who I just ran into.
- No, I won't.
Very astute, ma'am.
- It was Charlie Witherspoon.
- Uh huh. (ominous music)
- Char-Lee Wither-Spoon.
- Okay.
- How does that make you feel?
- That very short story makes me feel nothing.
But I don't think it's your fault as a storyteller.
I often have trouble engaging with narratives.
Oh, I didn't realize you were still here.
Do you need anything else before I go?
- No, thank you.
- Should you be drinking that?
- You don't always know what's best for me, Judah.
- Is everything okay Princess Caroline?
- Charlie Witherspoon made you an offer to buy them
and you went over my head and turned them down
without telling me.
- Oh.
- So it's true, you lied to me.
- Yes.
- Because you didn't want to work in a big agency.
You don't fit in with other people.
You're weird.
So you'd rather stay here where you have all the power.
- No Princess Caroline.
- So you lied to me and you made me look like an idiot.
- I was trying to protect you.
I knew if you heard the offer,
you'd feel like you have to say yes.
- I don't need you to protect me.
- But if you had more time,
you could decide what you wanted to do next
on your own terms, which you did.
- Well, that's not your decision to make.
- Princess Caroline, I understand you're upset,
and perhaps your emotion--
- No.
If I can't trust you, then I can't work with you.
You're fired.
(heavy sighing)
- Thank you for my time here Princess Caroline.
It's been very pleasurable.
Until now, this part is sad.
Don't forget to have reservations at eight.
- Thank you, Judah.
- Good night.
- These strike negotiations have lasted so long,
it's like Red's in this board room.
Remember Red's?
Two VHS tapes, that's too many tapes, I said.
But no one listens to Lenny.
- How's this look?
- Generous, but you're making up the projected loss
by excising office birthday cakes.
That's unacceptable.
- Everybody hates office parties.
- Everyone hates the mysterious dried fruit cubes
in trail mix, but we still eat them
after the other nuts and seeds are gone
because in our undervalued overworked existence,
we're desperate for any morsel of satisfaction
whether that be cake, unidentifiable orange fruit shards,
or the occasional kind word from our boss.
- I like cake.
They can print those pictures on them now.
What's the issue here?
- Fine, but we're grouping birthdays
so they only happen once a month.
- We accept those terms.
We're left with one final issue.
- Your insistence assistants be not treated like garbage.
From this day forth, all assistants will be treated
like recycling right next to the garbage,
but with an understanding that one day
they may be upcycled to a higher status.
Oh, like a bunch of seat belts that got turned into a purse
or a license plate that gets turned into a purse,
right Lenny?
- Sure, sure, I'm green.
We're amenable to these terms.
(ethereal music)
- Judah, I meant to reach out.
- There's no need to explain.
I know you're very busy with work and Ruthie.
- Ha, you have no idea.
- I have some idea.
You talked about it quite often during the negotiations.
- This strike has been the most time
I've been able to spend with Ruthie since,
(baby garbles) ever.
- I also feel an ambivalence about the strike ending.
The negotiations have been quite invigorating.
- And now you're just gonna ride off into the sunset?
- No the sun sets in the west.
I'm riding east to my Atwater cottage.
Goodbye.
- Judah?
- Yes?
- You're the best assistant I ever had.
- You don't need ever in that sentence, it's implied.
(light music) (sighing)
(knocking)
- Come in.
- Pardon my state.
I was mid trek of a Los Angeles crest
when I received your text.
You had a question for me?
- Yes.
Would you be interested in interviewing for a job here
as VIM's Chief of Operations?
You'd be a partner with a stake in the company,
and a birthday cake just for you.
- I would be interested in that interview.
- Do you want the job?
- Yes.
Great, interview done.
Your first task is to clear my schedule
every third Friday.
I'm taking them off to be with my daughter.
And there's a weird burnt smell coming from the copy room.
- I'm familiar with that smell.
I'll investigate right away.
- Thanks Judah.
- My pleasure.
(light guitar music)