If you’re trying to get your ex back, texting is one of your best tools. But it’s way more
difficult when your ex takes FOREVER to respond to your messages. This hurts
the flow of conversation and can kill your confidence. So why exactly is it that your
ex takes so long to respond? I’ll explain what they’re thinking and what you can do about it.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning, author of The Ex Factor Guide and Youtube’s most
handsome and intelligent breakup expert. If you’re watching this then you need my
help so don’t leave before liking this video and subscribing to my channel.
Now, let’s talk about the reasons that your ex is taking forever to reply to
your messages. Are they just playing games or is there something more?
1. They’re angry
This is an obvious reason and probably one that you’re most worried about. Your
ex may be so angry that they don’t want to speak to you at all and so
they’re taking a lot of time to respond either so that they can mask that anger
effectively or to send you a message that they’re mad at you and don’t want to talk.
This isn’t as common as the others on this list but if you did something that
upset your ex and led to the breakup or otherwise treated them badly then this is
most likely the reason they’re taking a long time to answer your messages.
Believe it or not, this isn’t actually the worst situation to be in after a breakup.
If your ex is mad at you that means they still care. It’s much more likely to win
back an angry ex than it is an ex who has moved on and feels nothing towards you.
2. They don’t know what to say
Breakups cause a massive change in the dynamic between you and your former partner. In this
situation, your ex may not know what to say to you or how to treat you. This is especially common in
scenarios where you and your partner met on a dating app or didn’t know one another very
well prior to dating. You two have no experience communicating as anything other than a couple so
it's no wonder that you’re now struggling with communication–you don’t know what the rules are.
If things feel awkward between you then this is usually the situation. I’d chalk
this up to a lack of common interests. Maybe you two failed to build up rapport outside
of specific areas of conversation that are now off limits like your future together,
how much you care about one another, etc.
This is one of the hardest situations to overcome because you’re trying to build
rapport after your relationship has fallen apart but there is still hope.
If you’re looking for specific messages you can send in order to elicit a response from your ex,
head on over to BreakupBrad.com after this video is over and watch my free video presentation.
I’ll help you understand what your ex is going through in a bit more depth and how you can break
through their walls to start rebuilding the relationship. That’s BreakupBrad.com
3. They’re afraid you’ll convince them to get back together
This is another one that’s very obvious once you recognize it. Were you particularly
resistant to the breakup when it happened? Have you tried to change their mind since?
Even if you’ve realized the error of your ways and opted for a less direct approach,
the damage is done. They’re now afraid to engage with you.
They think that by taking awhile to respond,
they’ll avoid the risk of getting into a drawn out or serious conversation.
This can actually be a good sign because they’re not only worried that you’ll bring it up but that
you’ll be able to succeed and convince them to take you back if they give you the chance. That
means that you’re very much still on their mind and in their heart so don’t despair.
Now before we move on to number four on this list, I wanted to briefly touch on
the importance of No Contact. The time shortly after a breakup can be full of confusing mixed
signals like this because you and your ex are still caught up in emotional turmoil. Neither
of you are sure what you want or how to get it. You know that you have strong feelings for the
other person but that the relationship is seriously damaged, if not broken.
So you may say things you don’t really mean or do things that you regret because you’re
overcome by the heartache. No Contact helps you avoid mistakes and misunderstandings during this
period by stopping contact altogether. I know it can feel impossible but it really is the best way
to allow both of you to process the breakup and get a chance at a fresh start together.
If you want more information on No Contact, check the links in the description below for
videos on how it works and how you can make it happen in your unique situation.
4. They’re trying to set boundaries
If your ex is taking a long time to respond and you find that when they do they’re cold
and businesslike rather than the warm and inviting person you fell in love with,
then chances are they’re trying to set boundaries with you. Basically they’re trying to avoid drama
and let you know that things are different now and that you have to get used to it.
Boundaries can be good at this point in time because, like No Contact,
it sets expectations more clearly. So you’re less likely to get late
night texts about how much they love and miss you but you’re also less likely to
have them completely ice you out or tell you that you’re a bad person and they hate you.
This is certainly a tradeoff that your ex is making but just know that it doesn’t mean
that they suddenly have zero feelings for you. Instead, it means that they’re making a choice
to spare themselves more heartache by pulling away, even if that’s not what they really want.
5. Your texts are boring
I think, after a breakup, we can get so caught up on wanting some love and attention from
an ex that we forget that they have needs and desires too. So instead of asking “why
aren’t they responding?” ask yourself “have I given them something worth responding to?”
Often in relationships we don’t have to work too hard in texting conversations because the
other person is interested in engaging with us no matter what and that allows
us to have an interesting conversation even if it doesn’t get off to a great
start. Now that you’re not together, you need to reconsider your approach.
Ask yourself “why am I sending this message?” and “what do I hope to get
out of this interaction?” before hitting send. If you can’t answer these questions
then don’t text your ex. It’s that simple. You’ll be surprised at how much this changes
the dynamic of your conversations with your ex. I’ll talk more later in this
video about the types of texts you should be sending to your ex during this period.
6. They’re over you
This is the one that I know that you’re worried about and it is a definite possibility. Maybe they
see a text from you and mean to respond but it slips their mind and they let a few hours or even
a day pass before responding. You’re no longer a priority for them because they’re simply done
with the relationship. I know, this is the one you don’t want to hear and I understand why. But
I made this video to let you know that while this is one possibility, it’s not the only possibility.
The truth is that there are plenty of reasons that your ex may be taking a
long time to text you back and without knowing more, I can’t say for certain
which one of these you’re dealing with but just know that there’s always still hope.
And if you do want a little more certainty about where you stand with your ex, then head on over
to BreakupBrad.com/Quiz and answer a few simple questions. This quiz is simple,
confidential and completely free and it will tell you what chance you have of
getting your ex back. That’s BreakupBrad.com/Quiz
And remember, even though they’re taking awhile,
the fact that they’re still responding at all is a good sign. That means they still
have some love for you and don’t want to abandon the relationship completely.
So what can you do if your ex is taking a long time to respond to messages? Well the
truth is that there’s nothing you can say to CONVINCE your ex to respond to
you more promptly. So here are a few things you shouldn’t do:
- Tell them that you’re upset that they don’t respond fast enough
- Be passive aggressive with them when they don’t message you back
- Send a follow up text checking in on them - Get angry at them for not communicating
with you how you’d like - or overcompensate by
sending more, longer messages
I can understand why you’d respond this way. You’re frustrated and you want results but
you’re only going to make your ex want to text you less by behaving this way.
Instead, you want to give your ex more reasons to respond to your messages and less reasons
to ignore you. So instead of sending “Hey” or trying to get into a deep conversation about
the relationship, say something funny. I’m guessing you know your ex’s sense of
humor better than most people so you know how to make them laugh. It can be a funny
meme or an inside joke or a reference to a TV show you two watched together.
Another approach is to make your ex remember the good times you two had together by bringing
up a memory from the past. This can be a trip you went on, a meal you shared or a
funny story. You have this shared history together–you need to use it to your advantage.
A text like this can be something like “I just ran into Gregory downtown. We were
talking about that time the four of us went to LA.
I didn’t have time to pack so I wore that Mickey Mouse tee shirt the whole weekend! Good times.”
Obviously you’d have to make this message specific to your relationship but I think
you know what I’m talking about here. And notice that I didn’t ask a direct question here. This
is a great way for your texts to come across as less threatening because your
ex doesn’t actually NEED to respond in any way which will make them more comfortable
and actually more likely to respond. And even if they don’t send anything back,
you will make them smile and remember a simpler time when the two of you were happy and in love.
That just about does it for this video. If you’re looking for more example text messages,
again head to BreakupBrad.com and check out the video there. And while you’re here, please
like this video and subscribe to my channel. Thanks for watching and I’ll see you next time.