WE'VE GOT A LOT OF GREAT SHOWS
COMING UP, AND WHILE WE WON'T HAVE IN-PERSON AUDIENCES FOR A
BIT, YOU CAN CHECK OUT PAST EPISODES AND ALL OF OUR CARPOOL
KARAOKE VIDEOS ON OUR YOUTUBE PAGE.
AND PLEASE DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER AT “LATE
LATE SHOW.” YOU CAN ALSO HEART ME ON
INSTAGRAM, LINK ME ON LINKEDIN, PIN ME ON PINTEREST, SNAP ME ON
SNAPCHAT, PLAY ME ON BANDCAMP, RUSSELL ME ON BRANDCAMP, TRACK
MY WORKOUTS ON RUNKEEPER, CHECK OUT MY GLUTES ON BUMPEEPER, CHAT
ME ON SLACK, RAT ME ON PACK, FLOSS ME ON PLAQUE, JACK ME ON
BLACK, SEND ME A MESSAGE ON OUTLOOK, SEND ME A FISH ON
TROUTHOOK, DIAGNOSE A DISEASE ON MALARIASPOT, PRETEND TO BE
SPANISH ON HILARIA'SNOT, CLEAN ME ON DYSON, HERD ME ON BISON,
MIKE ME ON TYSON, DADDY ME ON MY SON, DISTRACT MY KIDS ON
DISNEY+, GET ME A DOCTOR ON KIDNEYBUST, PREP FOR THE BEACH
ON BIKINIBODY, GIVE UP AFTER A WEEK ON LINGUINEBODY, BUY ME
TICKETS ON STUBHUB, GET ME DINNER ON GRUBHUB, HANG OUT THE
PASSENGER SIDE OF YOUR BEST FRIEND'S RIDE ON SCRUBHUB, SHARE
ME A TASK ON TRELLO, PLAY ME A SONG ON CELLO, MAKE ME A MOLD ON
JELLO, GREET ME IN COCKNEY LIK“" ELLO!”
CYCLE ME ON PELOTON, MENDES ME ON HELLOSHAWN, CHECK OFF BOXES
ON TO-DO-IST, TAWK WIKE A WIDDLE BABY ON GAGA-GOO-IST, TRACK MY
FILMS ON LETTERBOXD, GREASE MY HAIR ON NEVERWASHED, KEEP UP
WITH THE NEWS ON FLIPBOARD, KEEP UP WITH MY GAINS ON
RIPPEDCORD, SELL ME STUFF ON SHOPIFY, GET ME
A QUIET ROOM ON I NEED A CRY, MEDITATE WITH ME ON HEADSPACE,
FORGET THE WORD “BAKERY” ON“ WHAT'S IT CALLED?
BREAD PLACE?” OR, IF YOU WISH, FEEL FREE TO
WRITE ME AN OLD-FASHIONED LETTER BY ADDRESSING IT TO TELEVISION
CITY STUDIOS, 7800 BEVERLY BOULEVARD, LOS ANGELES,
CALIFORNIA 90036.
ENCLOSE A LOCK OF YOUR HAIR AND ON THE LAST LINE OF THE LETTER
WRITE, “MY DARLING JAMES, I HOPE TO SEE YOU AT THE END OF THIS
TERRIBLE WAR,” IN A SOUTHERN ACCENT.
I KNOW IT'S HARD TO WRITE IN A SOUTHERN ACCENT, BUT HAVING
READ SEVERAL GOTHIC NOVELS SET IN THE AMERICAN SOUTH, I'LL KNOW
WHAT YOU MEAN, MY SWEET JOSIAH.
I'LL KNOW.
WE'LL EXCHANGE LETTERS FOR A TWELVEMONTH,
AND THEN YOUR LETTERS WILL STOP ABRUPTLY.
NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO, I'LL CARRY ON WITH MY LIFE,
EVENTUALLY QUITTING THE SHOW SO I CAN TEND TO THE FAMILY FARM.
EVENTUALLY, I'LL PUBLISH A BEST- SELLING BOOK OF OUR
CORRESPONDENCE, AND IT'LL BE ADAPTED INTO A MOVIE STARRING
IDRIS ELBA, AND ME, JAMES CORDEN AS ME, JAMES CORDEN.
ONE DAY, IDRIS AND I WILL BE EATING CROISSAN'WICHES ON SET
AND HE'LL SAY, “TELL ME ABOUT JOSIAH,” AND I'LL SAY, “ALL THAT
I KNOW OF HIM IS IN THOSE LETTERS.”
AT THIS POINT, I'LL HEAR A VOICE FROM BEHIND ME, IN THAT DISTINCT
SOUTHERN TWANG: “MY DARLING JAMES.”
MY EYES WILL WELL UP IN TEARS.“ OH, MY GOD, JOSIAH!
IT'S YOU.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S REALLY YOU.”
AT WHICH POINT YOU'LL PUT YOUR HANDS TO MY LIPS, AND SAY “SHHH,
JAMES...I'M SUING YOU FOR PUBLISHING MY PRIVATE
CORRESPONDENCE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.”
AND I'LL SAY, “YEAH.
THAT'S FAIR.”