You've promised.
No, I know.
Nothing-- nothing today.
OK.
Nothing at all.
All right.
So you were a security guard.
Yeah.
I saw a picture at a Garth Brooks concert of you at--
look at-- there you are.
Yeah.
That's me in 1994-ish, '92-ish, something like that,
working a Garth Brooks concert in Manhattan, Kansas.
I did that.
I lied about my age earlier in high school
and got a job at the amphitheater near where
I grew up in Kansas City.
And my first concert was like a real Christian singer.
And then my next concert was Eazy-E and Boogie Down
Productions.
Oh my god.
It was like, oh, wow.
OK.
This is different.
But that was '89.
And so it was a lot of hairbands--
Cinderella, Ratt, Poison.
Those kinds of bands.
So I saw more boobs than you could--
Wow.
--ever imagine as a young junior.
And did fans try to like-- because you're the security
guard, try to convince you so they could go backstage.
Oh, all the time.
And I would get kind of the crappy positions
because I was a young guy.
But they put me off to the side of the stage one time
and I think it was Warrant, Winger, and the BulletBoys.
And this girl comes walking up to me.
She has this beautiful flowing skirt on.
And she's like, hi.
And I'm like, hey, how are you?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
She's like, so what would I have to do to get backstage?
I'm like, oh, well, you need this special pass.
Not kidding you, she lifts up her dress and she goes
would this special pass work?
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
Oh my god.
And I'm like, oh my god.
That's hilarious.
Because I can't let you back there.
Oh my god.
I can't even imagine.
I mean, if you're a security guard, especially at that age,
where you're actually--
[SCREAM]
[SCREAMING]
[LAUGH]
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
Finally!
[LAUGH]
Tap out.
Tap out!
Now.
Tap out!
[AUDIENCE CHEERING]
[LAUGH]
Now who's laughing, punk!
I've been waiting for that guy for--
how many performances?
I don't know.
A lot.
He's done a lot of them.
I'm out of breath.
Nurse!
Lindsay!
Oh my gosh.
Corey, you were out of there so--
literally, we were hoping when he jumped up, you'd grab him.
But he started leaving.
And then I showed my quickness.
Yeah.
You did.
You got him.
How's Corey?
Is he OK?
I don't care.
[LAUGH]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
How am I?
Oh my god.
I don't care.
Oh my god.
Hey, Corey?
Wanna go again, bro.
Oh my god.
I think I did hurt my shoulder.
Oh, no.
Where's the Warner Brothers Fire Department?
Not coming.
Yeah.
They're not here now.
Nope.
No.
They're out writing tickets.
[HEAVY BREATHING]
Modern Family starts tonight.
Toy Box starts on Sunday, both on ABC.