(Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston)
Wiz: The difference pantheons of gods and godesses have always been right with conflict.
And these heavenly wars can last for centuries.
Boomstick: Like with Thor, Norse's champion of Asgard and son of Odin.
Wiz: And Wonder Woman, Greek warrior of the Amazons and daughter of Zeus.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... A DEATH BATTLE!
This is the realm Eternal. Root of the World Tree and Nobilis of the Nine Dimensions.
Boomstick: Like a protector for your butt.
(Face slap)
Wiz: Shh, shh, shh.
Asgard since ancient times this colorful realm has been inhabited by warriors, so powerful many believed them to be immortal deities.
Boomstick: And these sort of were but being immortal in Asgard is a funny thin'.
See every few thousand years these fellows go through a little apocalyptic event where everybody dies.
Wiz: Then they're born anew with only vague memories of their previous lives.
This is the cataclysmic event known as: Ragnarök.
And Asgard's newest king the All-Father Odin was determined to break this cycle.
Boomstick: So he fathered the best damn warrior the realms had ever seen...
The Mighty Thor.
Wiz: Thor spent most of his life living among his people and defending his realm from its enemies.
Boomstick: And he was good at it like really good.
He's their tank and DPS all rolled into one when it comes to raidin' other realms.
And boy does he look the part.
This guy is six feet inches of pure muscle and possibly lead, because he somehow weighs 640 pounds.
Wiz: Thor was trained by the best in Asgard and has proven his mettle across multiple worlds.
He helped found the Avengers and has defeated everything from Giants to demons to other gods.
Boomstick: As a real-life god.
Thor is super strong, super fast and super durable.
And even on those rare occasions when he does get hurt he patches up real quick with his healin' factor.
Wiz: And of course being the God of Thunder lets some control lightning and even the earth itself.
Boomstick: But Thor isn't complete without his iconic arsenal.
He wears the Belt of Strength which doubles is already impressive might.
And he swings around the most awesome tiny little hammer you've ever seen.
Wiz: Mjolnir is an ancient weapon.
65 million years ago it was forged by dwarves by harnessing a star.
Its construction was so intense it caused the star to explode.
And it's fiery remains eradicated the dinosaurs.
Boomstick: Talk 'bout metal.
Wiz: Speaking of metal. Mjolnir is forged from Uru.
An extremely durable iron-like ore that is highly susceptible to enchantment.
Mjolnir in particular is enchanted to house a cosmic storm powerful enough to shake black holes.
And yes, the wielders of Mjolnir can access the storms powers.
Including levitation and control over weather.
Boomstick: Never wanted anythin' so bad in my life.
Wiz: Unfortunately only those the hammer deems worthy can actually wield it or even pick it up for that matter.
You must be pure of heart and noble of mind or else it won't even budge.
Boomstick: Well lucky for Thor he's worthy of addin' Mjolnir's awesome power to his own.
And with their powers combined nothin' can stop 'em!
Wiz: Thor has easily tagged Quicksilver who adds his best can run around 670,000,000 mph.
And Thor can move even faster than that when his hammer is dragging him around.
Boomstick: Yeah that's a thing.
Thor doesn't really fly on his own in the same way people like Superman and Captain Marvel do.
Instead he literally chucks his hammer as hard as he can and hangs on for dear life as it takes him for a ride.
Wiz: Thor has said Mjolnir is faster enough to reach the edge of the universe in 60 seconds.
This means it can travel at least 350 trillions mph.
Or over 500,000 times the speed of light.
Boomstick: Don't let go Goldilocks.
Hitting pavement at that speed might hurt even you.
Wiz: Eh he'd be fine. He can withstand a dip in the sun where it can be over at 27,000,000 degrees fahrenheit.
And... while he was knocked unconscious he did survive a bomb capable of planet busting. Equal to a force over 53 quadrillion megatons of TNT.
Boomstick: I'm more impressed that he lifted this giant ass snake.
Look at that thin'!
Wiz: The Midgard Serpent is massive capable of wrapping around the entire Earth twice.
It stretches nearly 900 miles wide and 50,000 miles long.
By comparing into the largest living snakes the 550 pound green anacondra.
We can estimate the Midgard Serpent weighs about 17 trillion tons.
Boomstick: Hold on Wiz I know my snakes and it looks like that Mudgard Serpent is actually constrictin' the earth.
By squezzin' prey a snake can apply pressure 60 times its normal weight.
So Thor didn't just lift a really heavy snake, he outmatched 272 trillion tons of force.
Wiz: Uh...
That is correct Boomstick.
Boomstick: Goddamn right it is!
Wiz: It is important to stress the unbelievable power Thor possesses.
So much so that in fights with other godly beings whole worlds can shatter.
If it ever comes to it he can ever enter a state of "Warrior's Madness".
While he loses some control doing this his power increases tenfold.
Boomstick: Why did we put this guy up against Raiden again?
Wiz: Well...
Thor's cocky attitude has put him in all kinds of trouble.
He's even lost Mjolnir's power more than once as a result.
Boomstick: Yeah the hammer isn't invulnerable.
And if Thor is holding on to it, its enchantment can even be tricked.
Like that one time the Hulk used his own hammer against him by movin' his arm.
Why did you hit yourself?
Wiz: So to teach Thor a lesson in humility Odin banished him to Earth.
Transforming him into a handicapped human.
Boomstick: You call that a handicap?
That's a limp.
I'm over here with a freakin' shotgun for a leg and I'm not even allowed to park in those special parking spaces.
Wiz: Still it turns out sending Thor to Earth was all part of Odin's plan to alter the cycle of Ragnarök.
As such a thing never been done before.
And it worked.
4,000 years after the previous Ragnarök, Armageddon was stopped for good.
And the gods were free.
All thanks to Thor.
And a giant time traveling floating sentient eyeball.
But mostly Thor.
Boomstick: Can't make this stuff up.
Thor: I accept your surrender.
Wiz: Legend has it that lost among the waves sits a solitary island called Themyscira.
Shrouded in secrecy and inhabited solely by women.
(Wolf whistle)
Boomstick: Hey Wiz, guess what's my number one new vacation spot?
Yakko and Wakko: Hellooo Nurse!
Wiz: Despite their paradise isle far from civilization, the women of Themyscira are more dangerous than you think.
They are Amazons, immortal warriors created by the Olympian gods.
Their mission: To spread the peace and justice of the gods to a barbarian world.
Boomstick: And ship anythin' to you for free within 2 days.
Wiz: If you pay an annual fee.
Boomstick: But a bunch of centuries later, they were kinda out of the loop.
These chicks had never even heard of shotguns before.
Wiz: Until the day a military plane crashed near the island.
Determined to reconnect with the world and establish peace once again, the Amazons held a tournament to select a representative.
Boomstick: The final test requirin' each lady to block a bullet from just a couple yards away.
Damn, they don't mess around!
Wiz: The winner was one of their youngest, a brave woman simply known as Diana.
Boomstick: And that's how she became the Wonder Woman.
Wiz: Due to her warrior heritage, Wonder Woman was trained from a very young age in just about every aspect of combat you can imagine.
Boomstick: 'Cause what else are you gonna do on that island?
She's a master with swords, axes, spears, bows, shields...
Ah hell, like pretty much anything that isn't a gun.
Wiz: Her amazon physiology grants her super strength, super speed, heightened wisdom, and the ability to heal from most wounds almost instantly.
Boomstick: And she can fly, just like Superman.
How else did you think she'd get around, an invisible jet?
That's stupid!
How would you even remember where you parked it?
Wiz: To further improve her deadliness, she carries a rather unique arsenal, among which are her iconic Bracelets of Submission.
Boomstick: Ah. That sounds like some weird BDSM shit.
Wiz: Well... they kind of were, but the universe has been reset more than enough times to change all that, thank God.
Boomstick: Right.
Anyway, those bracelets are her greatest tool for defense.
Wiz: Forged by the Smith God Hephaestus using the remains of Zeus' legendary aegis shield, the bracelets are impervious to nearly anything, including gunfire, demon lightning, and kryptonian heat vision.
Which can be hotter than the sun.
Boomstick: They can summon Zeus' lightning, or even the indestructible aegis they were made from.
Wiz: To avoid collateral damage, the bracelets also suppress some of Diana's strength.
Taking them off vastly increases her godly power.
Boomstick: Oh, and she can use them to summon weapons like her magic sword.
Wiz: Also forged by Hephaestus, this sword's edge is so sharp that it can slice through microscopic atoms.
This means a precision strike from Wonder Woman can cut through nearly any material.
Boomstick: Man, this Asbestos God makes some top notch stuff.
Wonder if he does commissions?
Wiz: Well, he's not responsible for Diana's final weapon, the Lasso of Truth.
Boomstick: This unbreakable whip has the power to make anybody it touches tell the truth.
Bad news for any cheating boyfriends she might have.
Hippolyta: What other depraved thoughts must you be thinking?
Col. Steve Trevor: God, your daughter's got a nice rack.
Amazonian Warrior: Shall I kill him now my queen?
Boomstick: Of course she doesn't need weapons to prove her awesome skills.
Wiz: According to Batman: Diana is the greatest melee fighter in the world.
Which is not small feat in the universe with people like: Karate Kid, Deathstroke and Batman himself.
Boomstick: Did you just say the Karate Kid!?
Man Daniel san's really moved up in the world.
Wiz: The point is: Wonder Woman is a master martial artist who's trained all her life.
And while she has no official birthdate we do know she was born during the age of the Roman Empire.
Specifically when the employ centurians.
Including the additional time she spent fighting in Valhalla before going back in time.
This means Wonder Woman must be about 3,000 years old.
Boomstick: All things considered she looks pretty damn good for her age.
And that's more than enough time to become a master ass kicker.
It also helps that she's pretty darn quick.
She's kept pace with Superman and defeated the speedster Professor Zoom.
While blind.
Wiz: At one point Wonder Woman was battling an ancient god who had fragmented himself into trillions of pieces.
Each spread and different corners of the universe.
And while he summoned his pieces back at faster than lightspeed Wonder Woman was able to stand in his way and block all of them.
Boomstick: That's insane!
I mean she's moving so fast there's like a bunch of her.
Wiz: Moving thousands of times the speed of light can do that.
In fact she's moving so fast she's probably breaking all manners of quantum physics.
Boomstick: She's also ridiculously strong.
She punched Doomsday into literal dust, and helped pull the Earth around.
Wiz: The force needed to move an object out of the sun's orbit equalls around one thousandth of the object's mass.
Including the Earth itself.
Assuming Wonder Woman was pulling her fair of share this means she can lift 2.2 quintillions tons.
Boomstick: Ah and Grandpappy Boomstick always told me: "Women were the weaker sex".
I don't see him liftin' a third of the Earth.
Wiz: She's also incredibly tough.
Nuclear explosions hardly even phase her.
Boomstick: Oh yeah she punched a warhead in tanked it point blank.
And the one day Superman who can see atoms decided to split one to test her magic sword.
Surprise, surprise it literally blew up in their faces.
Ha, ha wacky antics.
Wiz: Even more impressive was her fight with Zoom in which she took several lightspeed punches which according to her fellow Justice League member the Flash hit like a white dwarf star.
That would equal 2,000,000,000 megatons of force.
Boomstick: Unfortunately Wondie's not invincible; she's got her own kryptonite.
And it's a lot more common than radioactive alien rocks.
Wiz: Her durability holds up well against almost anything except for piercing weapons.
Boomstick: Which just seems like an unnaceptable weakness when you're that strong.
Knifes, swords, spears any kind of blade will do the trick.
But specially bullets which is probably why she's gotten so good at blockin' 'em with those bracelets.
Wiz: Unfortunately for swordsman and sharp shooters Diana doesn't go down easily.
Boomstick: In fact a good stabbin' is more than likely just gonna piss her off.
And that's when you'll learn just how dangerous Wonder Woman can really be.
(Invader - Jim Johnston)
Wiz: All right the combatants are set.
Let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: But first all this talk of godly people makes me want some godly food.
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They even got Boomstick hooked.
He's off cooking his meal to eat during the fight right now.
Check out this week menu and get 30 dollars off your first meal with free shipping by going to Blueapron.com/Battle.
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Boomstick: But right now... IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Wonder Woman: You!
No man can enter Themyscira unannounced.
Thor: Stand down wayward maiden.
This sort of thing never turns out well for women like yourself.
Wonder Woman: Oh...
I don't think you've ever known a woman like me...
Announcer: FIGHT
Thor: You are a god!
Wonder Woman: Incredible..
Time to stop holding back Diana!
Thor: MIGHTY TORNADO!!!
Have at thee!
Wonder Woman: Hmph, such reckless abandon...
Poor, misguided fool-
Thor: Feel heaven's wrath!
Never shall the God of Thunder relent!
Wonder Woman: You will to me!
Thor: I'LL KILL YOU!
I'LL KILL YOU DEAD!
Wonder Woman: Excuse me!?
Thor: What...
Wonder Woman: You're not worthy...
Announcer: KO
Boomstick: Woah, go Wondie!
Looks like somebody's has been watchin' too much Game of Thrones!
Wiz: Thor and Wonder Woman matched each other in some suprising ways: Their weapons were echanted, their years of experience were similar, and their "Super Modes" almost did the same sort of thing.
Boomstick: But Lady Wonder had a couple big things goin' for her: Like her speed, sure Thor's fast enough to tag Quicksilver, and his travel speed with Mjolnir was just stupid fast.
But Wonder Woman shown that she's even more stupid fast in combat over and over again.
Wiz: Such as when she blocked trillions of god shards flying at her at the edge of the universe, most likely faster than any speed Mjolnir was capable of.
She was even able to catch Zoom in her lasso, despite how he just wasn't running ahead of her in physical space, but he was also ahead of her in time.
Wrap your noggin around on that one.
Boomstick: Thor's durability was greater than Wonder Woman's, but the difference in strength is a different story.
In fact, when comparin' their Earth and Snake feats, she was 8000 times stronger than him!
But the final nail in Thor's coffin was their choice of weaponry.
Wiz: Mjolnir may had been tough for Diana to defend against, but it couldn't exploit her weaknesses to piercing weapons.
Meanwhile, Diana's magic sword could slice at a microscopic level.
Something Thor couldn't possibly be prepared to defend against.
Boomstick: You can have skin so tough you can take a bath in the Sun no problem, but it won't do a damn thing to a blade that can literally sever your atoms.
Wiz: Ultimately while many of their talents were evenly matched, Diana's speed, strength, and weaponry proved too much for Thor Odinson.
Boomstick: Yep, he was done Thor.
Wiz: The winner is: Wonder Woman.
Ben: Stick around we're about to announce the combatants for the next DEATH BATTLE!
Chad: And if you wanna watch the exclusive commentary on this episode click that little box over there and start a FIRST membership trial.
Ben: You should try grab one of these shirts too.
Ichigo: GETSUGA TENSHOU!!!
Naruto: RASENGAN!!!