Hey you.
So, I don't really know how to talk about what i'm about to talk about.
So, I apologise if this video is just going to be a big ol' ramble,
but whatever! Let's do it!
So, I've always been very up and down with my emotions when I was younger.
I got sent to a few therapists and they thought I had Attention Deficit Disorder,
Aspergers, Autism, basically they never really got beyond the A's on the list.
But they kind of eventually ruled all those out and just said
"Nope, this kids fine. On your way."
And that was fine because it just meant that for my life I spent a lot of my time
accepting that if I had a problem that it was just something I just needed to deal with.
You know I had nothing to blame on it.
I was overweight because I over ate.
I was not getting anything done because i'm lazy.
And whenever I wasn't happy it was just because I wasn't doing enough to make my situation
and my life better.
And that was fine, but for the past couple of years i've been kind of getting worse and
worse in my head.
And I kind of finally reached this point where I caught myself going to bed at 8pm.
Not because I was tired, but just because I didn't care about being awake anymore.
And I decided that I was bored of being bored. I just had no interests, no passions, no hobbies,
no goals. I mean fuck I don't... I lost interest in playing video games and for me that's when
I know something is wrong.
I didn't want to do the things that I enjoy.
And like I said I take responsibility for my flaws and I didn't like the idea of something
being out of my control so I really had to dig deep and suck it up and decide that I
needed to go to a doctor.
And my friends have been telling me this for ages, but it was just kind of like...
"I'll get round to it" But I didn't.
I went to the doctor and then they gave me this form and it was like all these feelings
and it was like...
Do you often feel worthless? Do you often feel like a failure? Do you have no interest in anything?
And it was from like... Very not true to extremely true.
And I was going through all these things like...
"Yes, yes, yes. Oh this is bad"
And the only one I didn't tick yes on was a question that was...
"Do you often have thoughts about killing yourself?"
To which... No. I'm maybe a lot of things, but suicidal is not one of them.
The closest I get to suicide is in my videos and in my cartoons.
And a lot of you have noticed the influx of suicide jokes in my videos lately and I genuinely...
I hate this, but I genuinely believe it was subconscious.
But please no one think that I am at any risk of that. That is just not true.
The problem is not that I want to die, it's that I just didn't/don't care about being alive anymore.
But the doctor very quickly came to the assessment that...
"Hey, you have severe depression."
And that was pretty tough to swallow and I got put on these pills and they said I need
to go and do therapy and sit on that sofa and I think that it's like it is in the movies. I don't know.
And I will, but that was just very intense to kind of be told.
But yeah, i'm on these pills now to kind of fix my head.
And it's good and I'm cheering up and I'm becoming a person that my friends want to be around again.
And I'm starting to enjoy my life and enjoy my job and it's absolutely wonderful.
And if this video has any point at all it's that if you feel like you might be depressed
and I think the way to figure out if your depressed is not...
If you're not happy and you're in a bad situation. If you're unhappy with bad things then maybe
you're just unhappy. And those bad things need to be dealt with.
But if you're unhappy in a good situation and you don't want to do the things you love anymore.
If you don't want to do something you don't want to do then don't do that.
But if you don't want to do something you do want to do then that's when somethings wrong.
But then again i'm not an expert on it, but either way if you think you have depression
please goto a doctor. Go talk to them about it and like me start your road to getting
better because there is nothing to be afraid of. There is nothing to be ashamed of. It's
just that your head isn't making enough right stuff to cheer you up.
And I'm kind of okay with this. It's still a bit tough to swallow, but yep.
I mean I accidentally missed the pill to make me not unhappy for 24 hours and just I felt
myself immediately snap back into just being this walking corpse and it was horrible.
So, no amount of talking with your friends is going to help if you actually have what
is essentially a mental illness... I think.
I don't know. I'm not the expert on this.
So, do seek help. Please.
So, that's kind of it! That's kind of what has been going on right now.
I'm a little bit broken in the brain place, but I'm gonna get better.
And it's gonna be awesome and I am getting better.
And if you are alittle bit broken the brain place then please don't be ashamed, don't be afraid.
Go to doctors. They will help.
Yep.
Okay, I'm gonna go back to making videos now.
TomSka out!