The following trailer is rated H for Honest
In a year filled with spectacular blunders,
watch as EA goes for the hat-trick of shame
as they manage to turn fanboy enthusiasm for one of the world's most popular franchises
into a white-hot garbage fire of incandescent RAGE!
STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT II
March blaster first into the Battlefront franchise
in a sequel that takes everything you like from the previous game
and gives you 200% MORE of it
with more ships,
more playable heroes,
new worlds
and everyone's favorite gaming trend:
MORE MONETIZATION
as they don't reinvent the wheel but instead roll it straight into MONEYTOWN
charging you up to 80$ for the base experience
then filling it with loot box heavy gameplay of a free-to-play mobile game
creating a Star Wars experience that's less about making a fun video game
and more about extracting value for shareholders
in a business strategy that wouls even make the Empire go
"Whoa! That sounds a little greedy, no?"
Put on your suit and tie
Put on your suit and TIE Fighter
and take control of the commander of an Imperial Special Ops Team
with a name like an electric car brand
"Inferno Squad"
who goes from loyal soldier to turncoat faster than you can say "predictable"
as the giant planet destroying death lasers convince her that MAYBE she picked the wrong side
and she's forced to jet from one classic Star Wars planet to another
blasting her way through breathtaking set pieces
that are basically fancy shooting galleries
with enemies that line up out of cover to get shot like they're in the Revolutionary War
then watch as her story is set aside for vignette starring all your favorite characters
in a Story Mode that feels less like a real Star Wars epic
and more like a fanfiction Star Tours
that plays like a 5 hour tutorial!
Ha ha! Remember how Lando is bad with technology?
Classic! I'm so glad I paid full price for this!
Log on to the real Battlefront experience: the MULTIPLAYER
an endless clusterf*ck of colors and noises
where you're constantly respawning in chaotic firefights
wildly shooting at anything that moves
until you finally accrue enough battle points to pick your favorite hero or vehicle
assuming you've UNLOCKED them, of course
only to be immediately destroyed by someone who knows what they're doing and sent back to square one
unless you're one of the lucky peolple that has ALL the good star cards
and you can just jump around the battlefield tearing new assholes left and right
because even if the Force is with you
NOTHING compares to the might of loot box RNG!
Watch in disbelief at EA's terrible loot box business model
that turned a decent shooter into one of 2017's biggest gaming scandals
as players get so mad about free-to-play mechanics in a full price AAA video game
that Wall Street ACTUALLY notices
forcing EA to pull the real money-loot boxes at the last minute without fixing the progression
meaning you still have to slowly grind out currency for another spin on the slot machine
that gives you the gear you need to have a fair shot at NOT sucking online
in a gameplay experience that's so close to gambling
the GOVERNMENT is investigating if it's actually gambling
as EA does its absolute best to maintain the crown of 'Worst Company Ever'!
Hang in there, guys! If anyone can do it, it's you!
So light up that saber
and get ready to feel the Force
with another Battlefront game that's a solid experience at its core
if you can ignore the fact that that core
is surrounded in HUMAN SH*T!
It's a compromise!
Starring:
and
Legal Battlefront II
There might be a lot of problems with this game
but being able to Force push people of a cliff is NOT one of them.
I GUESS YOU'RE ONE WITH THE FORCE NOW, SUCKER!