I do shows at colleges
sometimes, and when I do a college show,
I do an interview with the school paper,
and the result could be a horrible article.
And so I wanted to share with y'all this article
from a gig I did at Eastern Illinois University
in Charleston, Illinois.
This is a real, and in print, a human being wrote this,
and then they sent it to a higher ranker human being,
an editor, and that person said, "Yeah, let's go with that."
Hannibal Buress: "Quick witted Buress set
for laughs.
Comedian helps bring diversity to campus."
Wait, wait, wait.
I'm responsible for bringing diversity to your campus,
because you realize the type of diversity
I bring is very temporary.
Because I'm leaving as soon as I get my check, this town sucks.
Actually pay me before the show. It was a phone interview,
and sometimes when I do phone interviews,
and the journalist is boring,
I just start saying crazy stuff to make it fun for me,
and make the most out of my time.
And she said, "What do you talk about in your comedy?"
I said, "I talk about the streets."
And she put that in the paper, for real? Here's it.
"His performances include comedic jokes where they..."
Wait, wait, wait. Comedic jokes?
As opposed to all the other types of jokes
that are out there.
Am I missing out on a genre of jokes?
I'd hate for that to be the reason I don't make it big.
Yeah, Hannibal Buress could have been huge,
but he focused all his energy on comedic jokes,
when there was so many other types of jokes out there.
He really pigeonholed himself.
And I'm some bitter old man
comedian, "Yeah, these young comedians,
they focus on all types of jokes, esoteric jokes,
and jokes about hash.
We the purists, we only did comedic jokes.
These young dudes, man."
"His performances include comedic jokes
related to personal stories, current events, the streets."
You know what? I take the blame for that,
I said that on the record. I take the blame.
"His performances include comedic jokes
related to personal stories, current events, the streets,
and even food, he said." What? Even food!
Who else is talking about food in the comedy game right now?
Nobody just Hannibal Buress, that's all.
He has cornered that subject matter.
He is the Lenny Bruce of grocery store humor.
He is so edgy, you should have saw
when he was in Dallas, Texas. Half the crowd walked out
when he did his new bit about lettuce, it was crazy.
He was too edgy for that town.
"[Matt Caponera],
of the University Comedy Forwarder said,
'Buress was picked
because he stood out more than other choices.
He stands out like an exclamation point,'
Caponera said."
I don't know if that's weird or borderline racist.
Let's go with weird.
It's easy to go, let's go with weird.
Because I think it's weird to compare people to punctuation.
Nah, I think he's more like a semicolon comedian,
very semicolon like in delivery, and how he paces.
I don't even know how to use a semicolon to this day.
I use a comma every time. And you know what?
If I email somebody and they get upset about me
using a comma instead of a semicolon,
that's not a person I want to work with anyway.
And that's how you weed people out of your life.
"Buress was the most popular
comedian in Caponera's price range of $2000."
It was a couple years ago. Two things about that.
One, you God damn right I was. Hell yeah.
I was ruling that price range in the Midwest, two years ago.
Two, how tacky is that, did she go to her editor,
"Hey I want to make this article more tacky, you have any ideas?"
"Well maybe you could mention the amount of money
he's making from the show.
That adds nothing to the article at all.
Plus we get the added bonus of putting his business out there,
and making it harder for him
to charge more than that in the future.
So I think if we're going for word count, that's your move."
"Caponera said he also
picked Buress because he is African-American,
which added more diversity
to the comedic lineup this semester.
'He's a black comedian, so it makes our crowd more diverse,
and everyone gets what they want,'
Caponera said." Everyone gets what they want?
That's a weird, proud thing to say.
And even people that didn't attend the show,
"Hey did you book Hannibal Buress?"
"Yeah, we booked. Why you coming to the show?"
"Nah, I'm not coming to the show.
But I got what I wanted."
Because everybody gets what they want when I come to town.
Town morale peeks at an all time high, everybody's happy.
They go to the local grocery store, just juggling items,
no intention on buying them, just in the aisles yelling,
"Even four, he's coming to town y'all. Hell yeah."
"You think he's going to do the lettuce bit?"
"I don't know. I'm not even going to the show.
I'm just happy he's here."