I think I could just end the video right here and you'd understand why I hate these things so much.
*Punch*
Pop! Vinyls are a prominent line of overpriced, ugly collectibles
based around popular culture icons such as Venom, Venom as Thanos,
Venom as Black Panther,
Venom as Loki,
Venom as Ghost Rider...
Hang on, let's quickly do the top 5 most epic Venom Pop! Vinyls, shall we?
Number 5: Venom as Rocket Raccoon.
Just wicked.
Number 4: Venom as Storm from X-Men.
That... that's pretty incredible.
Number 3: Venom as...
*silent moment of despair and disappointment*
*long sigh*
Deadpool.
The design of these things is losely based on the chibis or chi-bi-s movement,
ugh.. the way you pronounce it depends on where you come from?
Which is a Japanese art style where you draw characters with huge, bulbous,
swollen, overly large, grotesque heads with gargantuan eyes and a tiny, spindly little body.
Sort of like baby proportions in a way.
You're supposed to look at them and think
"Oh, that's a cute version of my favorite character"
*scream of horror*
Remember that explicit scene in Breaking Bad where someone has his face exploded off?
Well, there's an adorable Pop! Vinyl for that.
Why not honor your favorite princess who died in a violent car crash with this adorable Pop! Vinyl?
So cute.
Even Meechee from Small Foot got a Pop!.
Remember that?
The design of these things adheres to a basic form factor,
the most prominent feature being the wide, beady, nightmarish eyes.
With no other major features aside from a tiny pointed nose and the distinct lack of a mouth.
I think it's the absence of a mouth that makes Pop! Vinyls so.. uncomfortable to me.
I kept telling myself I'll try to avoid bringing up the far superior, friendly, approachable Lego minifigure design
which is brilliant on so many levels,
but look what happens to the famous default Lego smile when you take it away
What is it thinking?
Is it mad at me?
I think it's mad at me.
Those unflinching, jet-black endless eyes take on a terrifying unpleasant and unsettling new form
without any facial expression to go along with it.
I guess, edgy youths who collect FNAF Pop! Vinyls don't need to be told how to feel.
They use their detached Golden Freddy form
to appreciate the darkness behind these classic characters.
"Yeah, I'll make mummy and daddy pay if they ever come into my room again without knocking."
When you strip away the defining recognizable traits of these famous characters from Pop! Vinyls,
you can really see how terrible these things look.
But the only half-decent ones are where they
quite literally couldn't accomplish the recreation of the character,
without obscuring or completely redesigning the horrific and restricting Pop! Vinyl art style.
Some of the designs are so hilariously incompetent
that I can't believe they got past the concept phase.
One of my least favorites is this appalling Buzz Lightyear one?
You know, the character whose smug smile is essential to his visual design?
To the point where nearly every single product based on the character
that has ever been produced in the history of anything ever made based on Toy Story
has his cheeky little smile included.
Specifically and intentionally.
Even this horrendous USB stick did a better job at capturing Buzz.
Why would I want to collect something that robs the personality away from the character?
The very thing that made me connect and attach myself to them in the first place.
Wait, maybe they leave it blank so you can put whatever you want there?
That's better.
Don't worry, Princess, you can smile now, you're in heaven.
Of course, I picked up some of the absolute worst Pop! Vinyls I could find,
in an attempt to be more fair on the subject and not just use images I found online.
The store I got these from even gave me a discount for these three.
I couldn't figure out why, though...
Apparently they're all from the same theme or something?
*fair*
Of course, I got the essentials like Dave the Minion, who, honestly, belongs being a Pop! Vinyl.
That's a good match right there.
Equally shitty things coming together is a good balance.
Wait, so they give a minion a smile but not Buzz freaking Lightman?
Get your priorities straight.
The best I got was this one of Rico the Penguin from the famed Madagascar series.
He, admittedly, is the worst penguin, but I wasn't about to be paying 60 quid for a Kowalski Pop! Vinyl
Like, are you joking? 60 smackers for this?
I picked up a Cayde-6 from Destiny.
One
because of the delicious irony of basically every Pop! Vinyl series being based on things I've made videos on.
*sweet recollection of past videos*
*again, fair*
So many layers of hatred is stacked on top of each other here, it's glorious.
I only got this one of Ramone from Cars
because the picture on the website looked so, so shit that I had to see if it was real or not.
Unfortunately, it's not quite as bad in person.
But again, they randomly didn't give him a mouth.
Why does Brian Griffin get a mouth, but Ramone from Cars doesn't?
Have some consistency, you useless twats.
Don't worry, Ramone. I'll sort you out.
There you go, mate.
The final one I chose was a Cowboy Bebop one of Ed and Ein.
Mostly because it comes with a corgi, which I wanted to compare the accuracy of.
The corgi is pretty terrible, but the Ed figure isn't even bad,
because they gave her her signature facial expression.
They really did Buzz Lightguy so dirty, man.
Of course, this is the part of the video where
I inform you that the shit thing I'm talking about is obviously getting a shit movie based on it.
Yeah, the Pop! Vinyl movie is being developed over at Warner Bros,
which is supposedly a live-action/animated hybrid
Ughhh
Which is only being made because of the surprise that was the Lego Movie.
Now, I guess it wasn't the fact that the Lego Movie was brilliantly written and directed
by a talented pair of artists.
No, it was only a success because they based it on something recognisable
and that way it's a win-win for the studio because they can sell more merchandise.
I really, really hope that this doesn't end up happening,
but we still got the Emoji Movie and it made loads of money.
So you can probably expect an angry video talking about a Pop! Vinyl movie in the future.
Some of you may call me a hater.
Some of you may call me a Lego fanboy,
but that does change the fact that Pop! Vinyls suck pretty hard.
Really hard.
Pretty majorly, in fact.
Why not be an adult and collect something, I don't know actually mature?
Like, Star Wars Lego or something equally cool like that?
*Outro*