-I'm running a bit behind.
I thought if you guys wouldn't mind,
can I write out my weekly thank you notes right now?
Is that okay? [ Cheers and applause ]
You guys are the best.
James, can I get some thank you note writing music, please?
[ Laughter ]
-Wow.
-He's just enjoying life.
-Yeah. YOLO.
-If you get four blinks, that means he's in a good mood.
[ Laughter ]
-Sending Morse code. "Help me."
[ Laughter ]
-Thank you, this week,
for being a really awkward time to propose at an NFL game.
[ Applause ]
Don't do it.
♪♪
Thank you, every picture of Barack Obama,
George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton at the Presidents Cup,
for looking like the last shot in a Flomax ad.
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪♪
Thank you, "Dateline," for premiering tonight,
and for being the only show where nobody calls their friends
to say, "I'm gonna be on TV."
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Watch!
-Murdered your neighbor. What are you doing?
-That unsolved murder, that's me.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Thank you, Anthony Weiner,
for being sentenced to 21 months in prison.
Man, talk about a stiff sentence.
[ Laughter ] -Yo!
Weiner, Weiner.
Weiners and losers.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Thank you, six Trump staffers
who used their private e-mails to conduct official business,
which still isn't as bad as
sending e-mails
-Hey-oh! [ Applause ]
-Two of them?
-Weiners and losers.
-All right, yeah. [ Laughter ]
-This isn't another Anthony Weiner one, is it?
-It is. It is. [ Laughter ]
♪♪
Thank you, Hostess, for presenting
new white fudge Ding Dongs.
-It is Anthony Weiner!
-Yeah I -- [ Laughter ]
Don't -- let me do it before you guess the joke.
-All right, all right, all right. Okay.
Goodness gravy.
-Thank you, Hostess, for presenting
new white fudge Ding Dongs.
But be careful --
the last guy who presented a white Ding Dong got 21 months.
-Yeah! [ Laughter and applause ]
-Too many.
All right, that's enough.
Is this one -- All right. This one's good.
-It's like "The Gong Show."
-I mean -- Oh, these aren't written yet.
But -- -You're writing them.
You're thinking them, because you're thinking who to thank,
and you mail them to those people.
-Yes, that's correct.
-I guess that one goes to Hostess.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-Thank you, 10-cent wing night,
for letting me know exactly how much I'm being ripped off
when it's not wing night.
Wait, only 10 cents? Normally these are --
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Oh!
-Oh, my goodness!
It's Alec Baldwin.
That's Alec Baldwin! [ Cheers and applause ]
Star of stage and screen,
the one and only Alec Baldwin.
♪♪
Alec.
Alec Baldwin.
Oh, my goodness. What are you doing here?
-Jimmy -- Jimmy, what do you think I'm doing here?
I want to write some thank you notes.
-Oh, of course!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, my goodness.
This is so fun.
Oh, my goodness. -[ Cheers ]
-James, may I please have some thank you note writing music?
♪♪
-Wow. -Now he looks happy.
-Now he's happy, yeah. It's Alec Baldwin.
♪♪
-Thank you, Twitter,
for raising your character limit to 280 this week,
or as President Trump put it,
"This news is 'yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge.'"
[ Cheers and applause ] China!
-China. Thank you very much.
Alec Baldwin right there!
Alec Baldwin, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Alec! Alec, thank you very much.
Congratulations.
Are you gonna be on "Saturday Night Live" this weekend?
-I'm gonna be on "Saturday Night Live"
with host Ryan Gosling and musical guest jazz.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Jay-Z.
-Oh, yeah, musical guest Jay-Z.
-There you go. Alec Baldwin, everybody.
There you go. That's how you do it.
We'll be right back with Will Forte, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]