what do you do when people treat you like a doormat and then when you finally
put your foot down they lose their minds I try to be agreeable but there's a
limit when I stand my ground people are act shocked in the advice yeah so this
is actually kind of the same thing right you'd need to be balanced because what's
happening with this dude I assume is that sitting around getting getting like
a pushover like a doormat people are kind of walking all over then all of a
sudden he does a instant 180 and goes it puts his foot down right and now you
think that they're gonna do a 180 you think that they're gonna say oh sorry I
didn't mean - oh sorry echo I didn't I didn't know that that offended you I'm
sorry no when you do that they're like what's wrong with you you know you just
started tripping yeah yeah you're freaking out over nothing so of course
when you stand their ground they're gonna be shocked right which is what
you're saying happened this is like no surprise at all so what you need to do
is is draw the line a little bit earlier but without going nuts and I think I got
a good example of how you do this okay let's say you got a dog and the dog is
like kind of mellow and happy and just doesn't just all good and then like all
of a sudden you know you're walking by the dog one day and wow it bites you on
the arm like like big time yeah big time how do you feel about that dog yeah bad
I don't like that dogs getting put down Yeah right
just this dog right let's say a bit one of your kids oh yeah that dogs getting
put down okay so that's that's what this guy is doing all acting all like
everything's like nothing bothering me and all of a sudden biting people think
about what a dog like a normal dog does what a normal dog does is it's if it
starts getting offended a little bit it starts getting problems it's it like
stands up a little bit right and then it's gonna it's gonna growl now that's
an indicator so even a kid even a child knows I don't know what age but pretty
young kids know that a growling dog is a is is a warning what else do dogs do
dogs show their teeth that's another warning like hey that's
another line in the sand
and barking right because you have to bark and I mean a dog barks at you in a
dog barks unit it's got your attention it's growling at you you know what's
gonna happen next if you keep doing whatever it is you're doing right you're
gonna get back away from that dog now if you get off the bug dog did all those
things to you and then it bit you you'll still be mad at but you at least know
you kind of had it coming right right yes sir so so there you go
that's what this dude needs to do a little bit of he needs to learn how to
growl a little bit mm-hmm how it'll bark a little how to show your teeth little
how to just stand up posture correct because there's you know a dog if you
know dogs at all dogs have a posture mm-hmm and they have a posture their
ears are down and they're they're their tails down when when they get fired up
boom ears are up they're on alert that back
is they get the cackles can stand up and everything that means like okay that's
easy that's even before growling that's happening alert so this dude needs to
learn how to come to an alert improve his paw increase his posture in those
moments not when it's getting too far but like when someone need when somebody
gives you a little jab you know you can't bite them you got a little give a
little growl yeah back them off a little bit you know and again this is I don't
know you you know so it's hard for me to say some people just have a hard time
dealing with when people harass them yes because I think the best thing to do
when somebody makes fun of me is just to like the hats yeah good one you know
like because you know just like we were talking about before we started this
podcast if I let you know that whatever you just said to me bothers me bro I can
expect you to just keep getting after that until I snapped so you got to be
careful you don't want to be all hypersensitive the other thing to
remember is man when people are making fun of you sound like they hate you most
of the time yeah you know it's it's not that big of a deal like people talk
smack to each other yeah right people talk smack to each other and and I
guarantee this is this is this is a good way to think about it if someone talks
smack to you if you in and then you both leave let's
say it's at work you go home the other person that was talking smack goes home
you go home you're thinking about it that person that was talking smack
didn't think about it one millisecond after he left the office he doesn't care
he's not sitting there thinking about you he's not thinking like men man I'm
really glad I told you know he had a funny looking eyebrows that was awesome
I can't know weird his eyebrows are like I mean that's like he's not doing that
right he's not even thinking about it he just went home he's carrying on his life
carry on with your life yeah don't get all tied up about what these other
people are thinking of you it's not that big of a deal don't sit around thinking
about it's it's a it's a perception that we have that the whole world revolves
around us and then people are sitting around thinking about us all the time
it's like they're not thinking about you all the time they don't care they're
there at home there's not too many people that are actually thinking about
you all the time especially if they're making fun of you like they're they're
not thinking about that all the time so just relax take a wrap off and just you
know try and have a little bit less tension and you know and try and learn
to grow a little bit or at least protect your space a little bit and these are
kind of contrary contradictory things that I'm saying
one of them's like hey laughs I did the other ones like kind of learned to growl
a little bit I would say first the first method is better the first method is
like hey just laugh it off don't worry about it these people aren't thinking
about you they don't care then probably it's like when we had jordan peterson he
was talking about his friend lunch bucket right lunch bucket the guy that
worked in and as soon as everyone realized that it bothered him that they
called him lunch bucket everyone just called him lunch bucket and then they he
quit because he couldn't handle it so don't be if you if someone calls you
lunch bucket you're like oh yeah my mom makes a good sandwich mom makes a pretty
good Sammie you know and then boom you break out the lunch bucket they're like
you know go with it no no factor yeah you start freaking out about this stuff
it's gonna drive you crazy so yeah be careful don't freak out about stuff if
you have to learn to stand your ground a little bit but don't just start snapping
good dog yeah like a rabid dog yeah that that that is a good little escalation
that example a dog thinks because sure I mean getting treated like a doormat that
could look like a bunch of different things you know it's teasing that seems
like the obvious one or whatever but you know that could
be a lot of stuff yeah that could be like hey grab me some coffee yeah right
sometimes people just do that cuz you haven't ever said to him like hey you
know like hey man are you ever gonna get me coffee well you know you just make a
joke about the same thing yeah exactly like dealing with it like as it you know
if something bothers you so the and I could see this may be happening cuz
every once in a while like you know you kind of run into these scenarios where
like someone does something that you you don't really like or you don't I don't
appreciate the way they treated me right there during that scenario and it sort
of always happens but it's too small to make a big deal out of it at that time
and when you're a agreeable person yeah you're just like all right
yeah I'm gonna essentially I'm gonna let it slide whatever you know but it
happens again then again but I'm agreeable I'm letting it slide haha
maybe I'll even laugh it off whatever so to the other person they're just like
whatever they're just so how you said they're not thinking about this is good
about their business and they're getting a laugh here and there which instantly
gets forgotten and whatever they keep going about their business no no no
factor meanwhile in my head I'm like man I'm tired of this I'm straight-up so it
happens one day maybe I got a little less sleep that day or something one
teeny-tiny thing I'm flying off the handle hey I don't
appreciate this this and that you do you always do it and they're like because
even if I did I didn't get any so then you get this little reputation people
act shocked as the guy says you know when I stand my ground it's the other
person it's kind of like why are you standing your ground right now does it
make sense like even if I did remember all the times I've done this you were
laughing the whole time like it doesn't compute it was already now that I know
what I think I think about times my life like when I was younger and someone
would stand their ground on me or whatever and I'd be like what are you
talking person that you're talking about saying
what are you talking about man like I have no idea what you're talking about
yeah why are you freaking out right now yeah and then you off like that and
maybe I put together okay maybe I do make whereas now that I'm older if
someone was to freak out like that on me I would instantly recognize thinking
myself like you know what I probably do things that I shouldn't I probably oh
yeah I kind of ride this person that's why they're freaking out right now
yeah a little bit more aware yeah of my impact yeah and but in a way you sort of
had to I mean I'm sure you've sort of you're sort of familiar with this you
know even like painting that picture it's like it's obviously you're familiar
with you you know but when it's happening to you you're kind of not but
then if you have to go go back and do like some investigation of your whole
like relationship with a person to understand okay now I see how that could
have been interpreted back last year and then maybe three months ago and then
maybe last week and then like right now okay I'm after you know then it it but
it doesn't compute naturally you know so yeah if you do that the escalating dog
yes thing it'll it'll be more clear I think yeah maybe an escalated dog only
escalate the dog scenario if you can't just have a good time with it and relax
and not worry about it yeah which is the primary goal yes but being treated like
a doormat like I said like if you know like people are just so you know people
people please their type of person like in a relationship or something like um
you know like I can't think of an example but of a movie references very
pathetic anyway if you're like a people-pleasing you do everything for
you know and then they don't do it back you know kind of thing like oh yeah you
let your you know husband or wife or whatever you let them go out every
Saturday just because they want you they want to go play poker or you know one of
these things that what's the common thing that they do and they do and they
come back late on drunk but no way it'll be way worse than that it'll be just
total like whatever you need or want you got it and then like the one time they
say hey I want to go shopping on this whole shopping well you got to do this
you got to do the kit you know like that kind of work where it's like a
disproportionate like relationship you know kind of thing like that can I can
see how it can go down with those types or you know like beneath it you can't
just laugh those things off know in life you know you do have to do the
escalation of just be like hey that's a little bit more serious yeah true