[music playing]
Ten-hut!
Oh come on, Pierce, can the tomfoolery.
Ten-hut! Prepare for inspection!
Ladies and gentlemen, General Lyle Dumbkopf.
Thank you, Kato.
Where are the girls? Where are the girls?
- You want girls? - You, suck in that gut!
Roll out that chest and you stay just the way you are.
Let's have a major skirmish.
Play this comic opera elsewhere.
Comic opera?
We are busy here.
Shall I have him shot?
Shooting is too good for him. Lock him in the kitchen.
That's it, get out. Get out of here.
Kato, sound retreat.
Out!
I shall not return.
Pierce, you disgust me.
That's right, Frank. I discussed you with everyone I know.
they all think you're disgusting.
You um, applied for the purple heart.
Henry, you're not going to endorse this idiot's application, are you?
That's Major to you, Captain.
Henry, you're not going to endorse this major idiot's application, are you?
Climb in, Pierce. Where's your gun?
Sulking under my cot. We're not on speaking terms.
Well, kiss and make up. You're taking him with you.
Coronel, if I touch that gun I'll trigger another argument.
Pierce, you're taking along your sidearm.
Correct, I'm taking along my left sidearm and my right sidearm.
You need an enemy before you can surrender, Hawkeye.
Didn't they teach you that in basic training?
Pierce, I'm not riding shotgun. Get that weapon.
- Gun boy. - Your artillery, partner.
- Is it loaded? - Filled it with water myself, Coronel.
Watch out, everybody. I shoot to drown.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
The reason they're shooting is that they're angry.
If I shoot back, they'll just get angrier.
Pierce, you've got a good sense of humor, but a lousy sense of timing.
Fire that weapon.
Fire it? I don't even like looking at it.
I said fire that weapon!
Alright.
You're fired. I did it as gently as I could.
That was an order, Pierce.
Waiter, will you take this man's order, please?
Request permission to go to my quarters, sir.
- Oh, scram. - Scramming, sir!
I resent that, Captain. I for one, have not cracked because of the war.
- That's true, Captain. - Thank you, Pierce.
Frank showed up here cracked.
Well, I was gonna undress and take a shower.
Well, don't let me stop you. I won't see anything.
And you throw me out if I so much as drool.
Go on.
That's one.
Well, I can't do it with him in here.
Oh come on, Lieutenant. He can't see anything.
OK, Hawkeye, but no more comments.
♪ Da, na, na, na, na, na Bum, ba, ba ♪
- It's no good. - You want more sax?
It's disgusting that you sleep in your underwear.
It beats sleeping in yours.
Kick the chalks up from under the wheels!
Flats up! No offense, Margaret.
Contact, we're off! Vroom! Vroom, vroom!
- Start the engine! - Oh yeah.
Ah, welcome to your new job, sir.
Now I know why they shoot people at sunrise.
Who wants to live at six in the morning?
Hawkeye, you're not even dressed.
I have my bars on, don't I?
I know, but it doesn't look good.
From now on, I want the middle of this desk kept clear.
Hey!
Don't disturb me until lunch.
Lunch is disturbing enough.
How am I doing so far?
Thank you.
♪ Anchors away, my boy, anchors away♪
Keep it quiet, will ya? If you're gonna sing, sing underwater.
♪ I've got my brand new tub And now I'm on my way ♪
The breakfast of ex-champions.
Ah, listen to that.
Snap, crackle and burp.
My motto is life, liberty and the pursuit of happy hour.
Somebody should stop this.
What are you girls waiting for? Get out there.
Incoming!
Does every new nurse fall in love with you here?
No, only the ones with taste.
Do you think I have any?
I don't know, let me taste you.