Unfortunately, traumatic experiences happen on a fairly regular basis. How do
you get over a traumatic experience? Let's get into that today. Not a fun
topic. Getting over a traumatic experience. I think we all go through it.
I'm here today with Bree Norda. Bree is one of our Live On Purpose certified
coaches. And I think you've got some reasons for knowing something about this
topic. -Um, yes. And I would love to share my story with you. But first, I want to
share my buddy's story. His name is Rio. -I've heard about Rio. -Uh-huh. -He's got
quite the story. -Yeah. -So, last year in May, I get a phone call from my daughter Kaya
who was 8 at the time. She says, "Mom, I have a problem." I said, "Okay." "Well, um I
gave Rio a bath." which was not uncommon. Rio loves baths. And she said, "He was so
cold and I couldn't get him warm in a towel so I put him in the microwave." And
yeah. -Rio is obviously a pet. -He's a little bird. He is a green Cheek Conure.
-Okay. -So this is our little friend Rio. And I was like, "What Kaya?
What?" She's like, "His eye. Something's wrong with his eye. His leg is not
working." I mean, I was just like flabbergasted. And I'm like, "Kaya, would you
put yourself in the microwave? Would you put the dog in the microwave?" -She didn't
know. -"No." "Then why would you put the bird in the microwave?"
Yeah, right? She's like, "I thought it was going to get him warm." And I was like,
"Kaya, the microwave cooks things." And she says, "Oh..." And I said, "You know, if you might
her spent some time with him. He's probably going to die today." And she cried
and cried and cried and she... "I didn't mean to." -Yeah. -Well to our surprise within
a few days, Rio, he was still alive. And not only was he a life, but by this point,
his eye was starting to open back up and his little foot that was not doing so
well, we come in one day and it's completely gone. He has chewed his foot off. I mean, I
think it was cooked. So... -Yeah. -He chewed it off and we were like, "Oh, my goodness."
So, this little guy has not only survived but he is still alive. He's loves to
dance to the music when we play on the piano.
He loves to snuggle. He... -I saw a video that you put out with 3 of you dancing
and you've got him here. -I do I have Rio here. I want to show you our little buddy.
-There's Rio. -Here's Rio. -Hey buddy. And here's his little missing leg. -The one
leg that's left. -And he is so sweet. I love... I love Rio because he has kind of
shown us that you can go through something pretty hard and still rock
life. Now granted, once in a while we do hear a thud on the bottom of the cage
and he's fallen because it's a little tricky but he's learned how to use his
beak in his foot and just get around and in enjoy life. So this is our little
buddy Rio. -Hey Rio. Well, inspiring. -Yes. -And thanks for bringing Rio to set this
up for us because we all go through stuff. And maybe we don't lose a leg or
get cooked in a microwave. But what's the equivalent of that in our life? Because
we always go through things, right? -Absolutely. So that's exactly you know,
the thought we may not get cooked, you know, in some way shape or form. But
sometimes it feels like it. You know, I've been through things in my life where I
have been left feeling completely broken, completely hopeless and helpless. And
some of the traumas that I've experienced in my life
let me fill in a little crazy almost. I... I'm a person who I love to learn ,I love
to grow, I love to contribute. And because of some of these traumas, I felt that I
was losing that sense of being in the essence of, "I've got all these tools that
I've learned and picked up along the way." But as I
applying them, they don't seem to be relieving. You know, relieving the pain or
I wasn't able to find the healing that I was seeking after. And this led me left
me feeling pretty dark and dismal. And this was kind of a... This has been a
process. But kind of started about 2 years ago. This fall. And in... You know, you
have these things that you pick up these tools. And for me when they weren't
working, it kind of left me in a faith crisis. You know, so that was... I was
like, "What what do I believe now and how do I do this if these things aren't
working? If I can't heal them this way, what's wrong with me?" It seems to be
working for everyone else but why can't I figure it out?"
Why am I not finding the relief that I'm seeking after? So, about... Let's see, May of
last year? Close to the Rio time. I was on the wrong antidepressants. And you know,
through this faith crisis, I was experiencing a lot of... A lot of
repercussions of just you know, the traumas that I had been through in my
life. And it got to the point that I didn't see a way out.
I was completely helpless. If all these tools that I have learned my whole life
aren't working then what now? If I'm stuck in this... In this cycle of
depression and you know, pushing so hard but it's not working,
then this is probably how it's going to be for the rest of my life. -Yeah that's a
hopeless feeling. -Totally hopeless feeling. And unfortunately, I got to the
point that I thought my children were better off without me, they deserved a
mom that could find happiness and be happy. And I wasn't back for them. So this
last summer, I attempted suicide 3 times. And I am so grateful that I
wasn't successful in those attempts. I had amazing friends and support around
me that helped me get through that. And I had amazing therapists that gave me some
newfound tool that seemed to be working a little bit
better. But one of the biggest things that kind of kept me going during that
time was, "Okay, I'm alive. I don't know why. I shouldn't be alive after those
attempts." But maybe... Maybe there is hope. Maybe there is something that I am
missing that I can change or learn to help empower me to a place where I can
empower others. There's got to be other people who feel as dismal and dark and
hopeless as I have felt. And I don't want them to be alone. I don't want them to
feel that they can't... That they have no one else. So for me, it became.. I had to
find a passion. I had to find something I was passionate about that maybe I can
change. Maybe there is something I'm missing and this is why I want to do it.
Not just for my kids because they were one of my greatest purposes at this
point. But you know, for other people who else can I... Can I help.
-Hmm. -So you know, you go back to the drawing board. You know when things
haven't been working. And I like to visualize. So, I'm a very visual person. So
I'm thinking you know, Legos, right? So, you got this Lego tower. You're building
Legos throughout your life, picking up you know, all what do I believe. Oh this,
this. Okay, so I have my tower and it was completely shattered. And pieces
everywhere. And I'm like, "Now what?" You know? So, bit by bit, I'm picking up these
pieces. And okay, do I believe this? Okay, that tool didn't really work last time.
So we're just going to set that down for a little bit or like, "Wait, what do I
believe here?" I mean, it was it was a it's been a process. -A rebuilding? -A complete
rebuilding, yes. And as I did this, I was able to assess what would... What wasn't
working. We pick up a lot of limiting beliefs along the way. And I had many
that I became consciously aware of. Now, Dr. Paul talks about a word called
metacognition. -Oh yeah. -It's thinking about thinking. So for me, I... One of the
main things that I did in my rebuilding was really become
mindful of my thoughts. This... We're subconsciously throwing thoughts all the
time, right? That's what our brain does, it... -We can't turn it off. -No. -The metacognition
that you're mentioning now Bree is such an important tool because it puts us
in a position where we can actually have some choice and control over what
direction those thoughts are going. And until you see it as a choice, it's not.
-Hmm. -So, this was really instrumental for you
and establishing some hope. -Yeah. -You were rebuilding. -Absolutely. And for me this...
This really was the foundation of really getting in better control of what I was
thinking and what I wanted to think. Now, the trauma brain leaves you in fight
flight or freeze. I live most of my life you know, just surviving and going back
to that thought of feeling like I was crazy.
Uhm, one of the crucial things that I did for my healing was I attended... It's
called The Haven retreat. It's put on by the unique foundation. And is for
survivors of sexual abuse before 18. It's completely free. This, they gave me some...
They gave me some ability to see that I wasn't crazy. And that I mean... -You're no
as crazy as you feel. -Yeah. I was felt so out of control. Like there
was so many moments that I... What is wrong with me? Why am I so angry? Like you know?
Like... -Right. -And they really gave me the ability to see through that, that my
brain was just doing the best that knew how to do but I needed some new tools. I
needed to... I needed to figure out how to strengthen that prefrontal cortex. So... -That
you didn't even know you had before. -Didn't know what a frontal cortex was. But I learned it. I
jumped on board and I just started you know, go into town with... With
understanding anything I could about the brain and why I was doing what I was
doing. So, that was amazing to help. But the
biggest thing going after that was the identity that I had Who am I?
What am I doing here? What's the point of all of this? And those are all questions
I think we we all have to come to terms with. And you.. I thought I knew them
growing up like, "Oh yeah, I know." No. I need... -Sometimes we know intellectually.
-Yes. -But we don't really connect with it at a place where we can really own it.
-Yeah. -And so here's a paradox. -Yes. -And you've learned this in your own life.
-This trauma, this experience, this hurt that you're dealing with is
actually part of a bigger picture. -Mm-hmm. _And it can move you to a place where you
feel more freedom and joy than you ever thought was even possible. Is this true
for you? -Absolutely. Bree, and you talk about when Rio. And he's rocking his
little bird life right now. Even though he got cooked. And
when you got cooked, you know, it left a mark in it. And it's hard, it's difficult.
And there is hope. And that's what I love about your message, Bree. And you mentioned
the unique foundation that spelled Y-O-U-N-I-Q-U-E. And you can look
that up online. They're doing some beautiful amazing work. And there's other
people doing that as well. Including you. -Thank you. -Because now this
has become part of your story and you're reaching out to assist others as well. In
fact, we'll put a link down in the description for liveonpurpose.coach.
I mentioned that Bree is a Live On Purpose certified coach. Because she has
now taken this experience and is using it to empower others. And you'll find her
there on the site. You just scroll down and look for the faux hawk. Right? -Yeah.
-Thank you so much for... For your
contribution here today. -My pleasure. -There is hope.
-Absolutely. I think that's the thing that I would love to leave with you is that
if you're feeling that darkness, that overwhelming darkness, if you could
just hold on find a good friend, find a mentor, that is saying something
that resonates with you. It might look different than other people's journey, it
might be different tools and other people who... -Probably will. -But just
hold on, find a passion. And I don't know your story, I don't know your name but I
I love you and I have hope for your life and we need you. Somebody needs you. So
just keep holding on and find what works for you. -I hope you enjoyed that I did.
Bree is really amazing, isn't she? I mentioned that she's a Live On Purpose
certified coach. Go to liveonpurpose.coach. Not .com.
.coach. Scroll down, you're going to see Bree. They're in our list of coaches.