G'day, A.J. Mahari here in this video I want to talk about borderline
personality disorder through the lens of what's really happening with all those
issues and challenges with accountability and personal
responsibility tanking wait why is it not on the map for so many people with
Borderline personality disorder were and even people who might have had some therapy
or sought some help why is it so hard why does it continue
to elude them or they continue to evade personal responsibility and
accountability and yeah this is not this video is gonna be about popular as mud I
mean it's gonna annoy people and I'm not here to annoying people but sometimes we
have to just keep it real because it's too important not to so I'm gonna go
here but not everyone would be pleased to say BPD is a highly stigmatized label
diagnosis which may or may not mean other things sorry for the wiggling the
good news is I have something coming so I can put what I'm you know I can use a
pone on a stand so it will won't be wobbly videos anyway to the point here
there is no recovery or substantial growth from born line personís or
whatsoever until a person with that diagnosis or that label or those issues
in their life learns to take personal responsibility which means being
accountable for how they are maybe treating themselves not well but also
their you know the responsibility to self as part of this right but also that
their responsibility in how other people are treated or consistent
they are poorly treated and beyond that so what I don't see enough of or a lot
of online in communities that involve people with BPD supporting each other
and some YouTube videos um done by people with BPD for people with BPD what
language to use I want to be careful um there's just a lot of shared maybe
subconscious but shared evading a personal responsibility shared not
directly or not being able to address or get to point on personal accountability
then having BPD does not give one a license to manipulate or to hurt people
in ways that they do but to manipulate to lie to to do whatever they think they
need to do that they can justify because they have some reason they feel they
need to do it that's pretty broad scope right but you know like if some of you
DVD feels trapped in a circumstance or a situation does that mean that when they
turn on the charm or they manipulate or and they know they're doing it many
people many do and many youtubers and I'm not pointing at any specific one
many youtubers many bloggers many people in online support communities for those
with BPD are just enabling and I'm not saying intentionally but enabling each
other's varying degrees of lack of personal responsibility and lack of
account ability because it seems like in the narrative online like I've done a
video on sort of some of this before but not this sort of keeping it real like
bluntly just saying it how it is right that so many people with BP online are
not talking about personal responsibility not talking about
accountability because no matter how well they are doing or what they do say
a lot of things that help other people with BPD or their commiserating over
something or they're relating to each other but the unaddressed thing seems to
be their lack of awareness in most cases maybe not all of something called
learned helplessness and that they continue to find reasons in a sort of
black and white way of thinking still yeah well you know if I blew this or I
blew that or you know I felt trapped I've got and I'm manipulated to get my
way I had to get away from this I'd to get away from that I'm following through
the cracks nobody understands me that kind of narrative which is largely out
there for a lot of people with BPD so and and then there's a youtuber who I
don't know I saw a video and they said that they more or less took their life
but yet they were there in the video and then they went on to say what that was
about but again there's not even personal responsibility taking for the
action that they taken that they were talking about it was kind of like no it
wasn't kind of like it was exactly like they were it was specifically that they
were talking about what they were talking about ended up being all around
lack of personal responsibility and lack of accountability because they were
giving reasons for why they did what they did and what they did was
essentially maybe they could have hurt themselves or worse but but still then
they make a video about it and in this particular one yeah somebody wants to be
able to identify the video at the end of the video don't watch that video while
you're eating a sandwich like I did because then the person videos
themselves throwing up I guess what was consumed prior which was what the video
was all so it's kind of like I'm sorry to say it's a poor me
and then when people with BPD continue to say now it is really stigmatized and
I'm not trying to add to that but I want to be real here about the only way to
grow from and within and out and through healing from bored I'm precise or used
to get personal responsibility to take accountability there's no way out
without that there just isn't and this this what I see a lot of people BPD
doing online reasons they always have a reason for what they did that was not
taking personal responsibility that was not being accountable or stepping up to
the responsibility and so this is something that BPD and accountability
why is it so difficult it is difficult I mean I know from my own past it's
difficult but why does it seem like so many people otherwise so intelligent but
again intellectual intelligence IQ is not there EQ doesn't match the emotional
intelligence doesn't match the IQ but why is there such as fast discrepancy
that they talk about borderline personalities or in their experience
with it fair enough but to do it but but there's always a reason why this stuff
happens to them or it's because they feel this way or they feel that way why
they end up doing thing a or thing B or things see whether it's to themselves or
how they they might affect others or how they really negatively impact others
often not all of them but many of them so accountability and personal
responsibility now I just want to say this is a huge challenge for people with
BPD and again I'll reiterate unless and until people with BPD meet this
challenge and learn what that means and know there are no excuses and there no
are no good reasons and there there is no justification for a lot of what
they're doing to themselves and/or others there's gonna be no recovery
there's going to be no discernable Cheng's it's not going to be they're not
going to be able to have relationships it's not going to work for them and it's
not gonna work for the people they try to have relationships with and so what's
really important about this message too is it's not only people with BPD who
don't know how to take personal responsibility or have accountability
we're living in a world well of course you know narcho past in okay but we're
gonna be in a world dominated by them and we're living in a world where
personal responsibility accountability is not being upheld as a in culture
sociologically speaking in the family and it's not a part of moral philosophy
in society the way that it used to be and so but but the concern is specific
to BPD this lack of personal responsibility this lack of
accountability this lack of even beginning to be able to emotionally
through emotional intelligence and getting more emotionally mature and what
that process entails and what that means they continue to not be able to grasp
this and then lots of them are talking online and it's not just some youtubers
I mean I'm not pointing in any one specifically well I guess I sort of gave
one away if you've ever watched but I'm not gonna say um but the thing is there
are lots of blogs and there are support communities where they essentially are
celebrating now this is a smaller number ok bye so big number people dvd-r are
celebrating their struggles um I know what I saw once and I was running a
support group locally here for people with BPD and and it went well for a
while but but what was one of the issues there well no matter what we tried to do
myself in co-facilitators to help people with BPD and afford the conversation and
to do a psycho psycho social education etc people were actually sitting
there many people because many people would be asked to leave for this reason
and and and then people there would always be like two or three of them in
almost every group they were actually comparing well battle cigars I don't
know what they called them but yes their scars from sup harming and
and it from sub harming and other things that you know self-sabotage and and and
then how many times they'd almost you know ended things and but like with
pride not with pain or not with understanding of accountability
responsibility for their own beingness here right survival nothing so again
people with BPD are not all the same but there are these communities online and
there's a few youtubers to that I'm not trying to say this with any judgmental
or critical lens at all it actually is is difficult to watch and sad like sad
in terms of I mean a few for them I'm not saying sad like judgmental no I
really have compassion for them but they don't realize what they're doing they
don't realize where they're at and that's one of the problems in BP that's
a huge challenge is how do people with BPD go from where they might be right
now to gaining more awareness because the defense mechanisms in BP and the
reason why there's the label BPD which I don't agree with psychiatrist definition
is because these people are so busy protecting themselves from things that
happen in the past often but that aren't happening now so they relive these
things and they stay a rather young emotional age but then they claim at the
same time taking no personal responsibility and having no personal or
having no accountability they claim at the same time that
can love you they don't even know who they are
many not all they don't even know what they're doing and they think there's a
reason and they're always measuring things like this wasn't fair that isn't
equal well they're always the right fight for justice and it comes from what
happens to many in their childhood but personal accountability and personal
responsibility are the very major stepping stones that people peepee half
through a team first before even DBT and symptom management if that essentially
is what that is maybe with some psychoeducation involved right but even
with all the best symptom management in the world without personal
responsibility and without accountability why do people continue to
say and there are people out there who are more advanced than those who groan
who have more awareness and yes maybe you're in a place that where you can
love or if you've recovered yes so please don't get angry with me because
I'm not talking about all people with BPD and I'll just say in conclusion so
personal responsibility and basic accountability is not just a borderline
problem it's growing in our world today and then people would be PE sometimes
even taking responsibility will make statements that aren't accurate you know
like that they could be as bad as a narcissist or a psychopath it's not the
same thing but so that's my message anyway so people with BPD
and people who are loved ones or exes know this well right you probably do
that they just don't take personal responsibility can take personal
accountability that's why you have all those circular conversations with them
that there's no logic coming from them because people with BPD until unless
again enough treatment and really make change and know how to take personal
responsibility accountability are going to continue to magically think and it
has nothing to do with thinking it's all about feeling and feeling like what you
feel is really is whether that's what you think someone
else did to you or how you're feeling and whatever actions you took and how
people with BPD will justify them ad infinitum or just not talk about them
when they're called out on them so this is a really important message you know
for loved ones to hear as well because you should accept nothing less than
someone taking personal responsibility and accountability for what is happening
in any relational dynamic in any relational experience and so and that's
not to say everything is the fault of the people with BPD but it is troubling
it is more so than not but it is troubling to see online where there's
still this narrative being forwarded as I've talked about in other videos that
you know they just feel like they're misunderstood meanwhile they're
misunderstanding everything right and and and maybe they feel misunderstood
too but but but they're mostly misunderstood because they don't
understand themselves first and foremostly
and how they can change that and how they can feel better about themselves
and a whole bunch of stuff that you know really people with BPD need to learn and
know to be able to get into recovery and really action take action and therapy
but you can't do that if you have BPD before you learn personal responsibility
and accountability so that's my main message here and anybody who is a loved
one a family member you know a partner and ex of somebody with BPD just know
it's not going to change it's not going to get better you can't change them or
fix them or help them learn to take personal accountability or personal
responsibility and then we have like pockets on the internet a high
percentage of people with BPD supporting each other which is great but also
supporting each other in ways that aren't helpful to any of them because
they find emotional reasons that aren't logical to justify poor behavior and not
be accountable or personally responsible for it and what happened in one's
childhood can't say well this happened in my childhood so I couldn't
that that's just your responsibility that is emotional immaturity people with
BPD who haven't yet learned and who are online listening to other people with
BPD who are not going to give you this message need to know they need to take
personal responsibility and personal accountability and learn what that is
become more aware without that you can't go anywhere and truly aim at finding a
life worth living and or getting anywhere near recovery and in the
meantime people on the other side of people with BPD and even on the internet
you know sometimes seamless stuff it's like there are a lot of people with BPD
searching for to learn more about personal responsibility and
accountability taking and they can't find it in the BPD communities online
and so someone come in on the channel about that here but I've also had many
emails and I have clients that are mentioning that to me as well so
hopefully I'll be able to do a couple of videos for people with BPD but like I
said I don't know if they'll be that well watched because the message is a
difficult one and so maybe this will serve as sort of like something for
people with BPD and or loved ones to think about in terms of the fact you
seriously cannot make a borderline aware who's not aware they need to take
personal responsibility and personal accountability and what that actually
means regardless of how they feel or what's happened to them in the past or
what they're going through right now or how misunderstood they feel well they
misunderstand a lot of things and people around them or just no matter what
basically so anyway if you have BPD and you're hearing this message and you know
how to take personal responsibility and you are accountable
please don't take offenses because I'm not talking about you then and I'm not
aiming you said anyone in particular this is just a message for people with
BPD in general and people with BPD aren't all in the same place I fully
well acknowledge that take care now