One common question that continues to resurface throughout the comments on my content and
through messages and emails I receive is; how do I practice minimalism when my partner
isn't?
And when say partner, I'm also referring to roommates, parents, in-laws, kids, siblings,
even your best friend.
And although living together can drastically change the dynamic of a relationship, the
ideas I plan to share with you today are applicable regardless if you and the other person share
the same space or not.
So if you're the minimalist who's trying to get their partner on board, or if you're the
other person who's not quite with this minimalism thing but you're trying to understand for
the sake of your partner, friend, or relative.
Then grab a seat, tune out the rest of the world around you and focus on this conversation
for the next few minutes.
It's going to be valuable and I don't want you to miss anything.
Alright before we get started, I'd love for you to comment below and let me know which
side of the fence you're currently on.
Are you the one who's practicing minimalism?
Or are you the partner, friend, or relative who's just trying to understand why this minimalism
thing is so important to the person in your life?
Ok, so how do you live like a minimalist or practice minimalism when your partner isn’t?
Should you try to change them, or declutter their things behind their back?
Do you disown them because they're not willing to decluttering as much as you are?
The short answer is no.
Do not pressure your partner, friend, or relative to declutter or get rid of a bunch of their
stuff behind their back.
And definitely don't disown them simply because they're choosing to consume more than you
do.
As tempting as it might be, nagging or decluttering your partner’s things without their permission
will undoubtedly create tension, diminish trust, and push the other person to become
even more attached and protective of their personal belongings.
If you're familiar at all with my content then you know that I firmly believe that minimalism
is A) a unique, individual journey; which we'll talk more about later.
and B) is actually about living with more of what matters, by choosing to want less
of what doesn't.
So how do we balance these two narratives so you and your partner, friend or relative
aren't continuously butting heads?
Well, this first thing is a must, regardless if you share the same space or not.
You have to talk about it.
Take it from me.
As someone who is newly married and has had friends in every walk of life.
I've learned that communication is the process of life.
Without it, it's very difficult to get anything done or make progress, let alone understand.
And yes, decluttering is already intimating.
Mainly if you're new to the idea or hesitant about letting go of something when you don't
know if you'll need it later in life or not.
It can also be a touchy subject, especially if sentimental items are the topic of discussion.
So if it’s important to you, it’s important to talk about it.
Some key things to remember are:
One, listen to understand not to respond.
If I've learned anything from my relationship with Alexius, it's that communication is crucial.
This one-act is arguable the central life source of any relationship.
And in order for that to work, you each have to be willing to listen with the intent to
understand, not to respond.
When you can master this, be it with your partner, friend, or relative, regardless if
the conversation is about minimalism or not then you'll be setting yourself up for success
and progress.
Number two is ask questions.
Such as why is this important to you?
How are you able to detach from sentimental items?
What are the benefits you're experiencing from minimalism?
What is it about simplifying that scares or worries you?
How do you get and stay motivated to declutter?
See talking about these things and asking other questions that come to mind helps bring
awareness to what you find important and valuable no matter what side of the fence you're on.
And hey, these conversations might even plant a seed in your partner’s mind that could
someday spark their interest in simplifying their own life.
Allow each other to have a voice.
Now, this is different than talking about it.
Allowing each other to have a voice means giving the other person equal say when decluttering
shared items.
This includes books, furniture, nicknacks and decor, kid's stuff if that applies to
you, and the like.
This is different than talking about it because this doesn't require a formal sit down, however,
communication here is still important and I don't want to you miss that.
Establish clutter-free and clutter-safe zones.
If you're sharing a space with someone; your partner, a roommate, a relative.
Then this is for you.
See we all need space to keep and store our things, but setting boundaries around where
you can and cannot leave things to pile up can help control clutter.
Especially if the both of you, or however many of you share the same space, don't see
eye to eye on minimalist living.
Great places to establish as clutter-free zones are commonly shared areas, like the
kitchen, the living room, and a shared bedroom if that applies to you.
Now, on the other hand, establishing clutter-safe zones are equally important, if you're sharing
the same space with someone.
Clutter-safe zones are places where you and the other person can keep their personal belongings
as tidy or as messy as you would like, in a way that doesn't affect the other person
or cause unnecessary stress.
Now once these zones are established and agreed on, then they must be respected.
Be supportive.
We're all protective of the things that matter most to us.
So nagging and criticizing your partner, friend, or relative about what they own or don't own
won't do anyone, any good.
If you have something to say, it's best to talk about it respectfully.
And instead of criticizing, try offering your help to go through things, if they're open
to it.
Maybe you help find a home for their belongings, or you sit down together and have a conversation
about why something is important to them.
Remember criticism drives defensiveness, which makes it impossible for either of you to share
the same space or live together.
Just be supportive and patient with one another.
Accept your differences.
Living with someone else; a partner, roommates, relatives, can be hard.
And sharing the same space comes with its own challenges.
But accepting your differences might be the aha moment for you when you walk away from
this conversation.
Now yes, you can lead by example and live a minimalist life of your own, support each
other, talk about the things you disagree on, and make decisions together when it involves
shared items.
But you can't make a person change.
All you can do is respect them for who they are, love them where they're at, and keep
communication front and center.
If I share something with you that made you think and reassess your personal situation.
Feel free to comment below and share as much or as little as you'd like.
Keep growing, keep learning and always stay true to you.
I'll see you in the next one.
Peace!