Are you ready to go to court against a narcissist?
By the end of this video, you'll know exactly what you need to do and what you should be
thinking about if you're getting ready to go to court against that narcissist, and especially
if you want to win.
By the end of this video, you'll know exactly what you will need to know in order to be
fully prepared when you go to court against that narcissist so that you can beat that.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% divorce attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter, the surefire method to step up and win, and Breaking Free, the step-by-step
divorce guide.
And I've helped thousands and thousands of people go from lives of drama, trauma, and
chaos, to step into lives of freedom, possibility, prosperity, and purpose.
And I do the same thing right here with you in these videos.
So make sure that you hit that subscribe button, hit that little notification bell so you don't
miss one single tip or trick when I upload my new videos.
Now, if you're getting ready to go to court with a narcissist, whether it's divorce court
or otherwise, you're going to want to be fully prepared and you're definitely not going to
want to walk in without having the best possible strategies and tactics at your fingertips
because this is going to be no cake walk.
The narcissist is going to make it as difficult for you as possible.
So stay tuned and listen to the end so that you can get all the tips and you'll be all
ready to go.
All right, number one.
Number one is, have everything that's possible to be in writing be in writing, because narcissists,
by their nature are pathological liars.
So they are going to lie about things that you've said, you didn't say.
Conversations that took place or didn't take place, what they said or didn't say.
Whatever it is, it's going to be twisted, it's going to be manipulated, so you want
to make sure, but you can keep everything in writing to the extent that, that's possible.
And ideally, it would be in an email or something like that where you actually have the time
stamp on it.
You have the date stamp on it, you have the email, who it came from, the email address
of who it came from, who it went to, that sort of thing.
Text messages are admissible in court nowadays, but it's just a little bit more difficult
to authenticate them when it comes to evidence in court, so it is better if you can do it
via email if possible.
The other problem with text messages is that they tend to go away after a certain period
of time, and especially if you don't save them, it's really difficult to go back and
find them.
The phone companies don't even really keep them either.
So you're definitely going to want to make sure that you use email if possible.
If you're co-parenting, having a co-parenting app such as TalkingParents, or Fayr, or OurFamilyWizard,
something like that is always a good idea too.
I mean, the bottom line is that they're going to try to get you away from this writing,
they don't want it to be in writing because they know that it will box them in, and narcissists
don't want to be boxed in.
So they're going to do whatever they can to get you to meet with them, to go against what
you've said before.
Things like that.
They're just, "Let's just meet.
We don't need the writing.
We don't need all these other people around us.
Let's just meet at Starbucks or whatever."
And the reason why they're doing that is to get you into a place where they can manipulate
you again.
So by keeping everything in writing as much as possible, you can minimize that problem.
Now, the flip side of this, by the way, is for you to remember that every single writing
is a potential trial exhibit.
So if you don't want to see it again, then don't put it in writing.
The way I just say it to people is, just imagine the judge is leaning over your shoulder and
watching you write that text or that email.
And before you hit send, say, "Judge, your honor, is this something that you would want
to see?"
And if it's not, then you don't want to send it.
Okay, the second thing that you're going to want to do is use video protect depositions,
and the reason why you're going to want to do this, and yes, it's a little bit more expensive,
you have to pay for the court reporter, now you have to pay for the videographer, but
it goes back again to boxing that narcissist in.
If you box them in enough, then they will act like the spoiled, temper tantrum child,
and their true colors will show up, and you'll be able to use that against them down the
road.
So, just trying to control their behavior using video will definitely help, because
if you don't use video, what they tend to do is do things that don't show up on the
record.
Meaning, the court reporter will take down everything that's actually said in the deposition.
When you look at the deposition transcript, it'll just say question, blah, blah blah,
and sir blah, blah, blah.
There's nothing around it, there's no description given around it.
So if that narcissist is giving you dirty looks, making faces, all the things that they
do, and they do, then nothing is taken down.
Now, for me as a lawyer, there have been many times where I've had to say, "Let the record
reflect that so-and-so is making faces at so-and-so."
But, how many times can the lawyer do that over and over again without just constantly
interrupting the deposition?
So by videoing it, you actually see how they're responding and how they're acting.
Plus it makes them behave a little bit better because they're a little less likely to be
a complete jackass if there's a video shining in their face.
If this is all sounding really good to you so far, put a thumbs up in the comments.
Okay, number three, is focus on your own case.
So this is one of the biggest mistakes that I see lawyers make, I see lots and lots of
people make, because it's just natural to want to focus on what's the other side doing.
And all of their flaws and all of their mistakes, and how is he or she getting away with this?
And, look at how badly they're behaving, and isn't the judge going to see that?
And if the answer is maybe, and probably, and yeah, you will want to bring out all of
the other bad behavior of the other side, but, just like in football, if all you have
is a good defense and you have no offense whatsoever, then you never score any points.
So, you want to make sure that your case is as strong as possible.
Focus on your case, make sure that the facts and the supporting documentation, and everything
is done to create your case and make sure it's super strong.
And then, for the other side, you create that leverage to help motivate them into wanting
to come to the table to potentially have a settlement conversation with you.
Or, you have all the points that make them look bad.
Yes, anything that shoots their credibility.
When people say, "Oh, how are they getting away with this?
They're lying all the time.
How are they getting away with this?"
So the thing I want you to remember, here's a good reality check for you, and that is,
who would stop them from getting away with something?
The only person who has any power over another human being in the court system is the judge.
Not the lawyers, not you, not family members.
No one has the power to order someone to do anything other than the judge.
And how do you get in front of the judge?
Through motions, through hearings, through trials, things like that.
Things have to be filed in the court system and then you have to have a hearing, bring
it to the judge's attention, and only at that point can you potentially reign in their behavior.
But while you're waiting for that time to get in front of the judge, you're just documenting,
you're keeping track, keeping track, keeping track.
So, that's how you're building your case.
If you're dealing with a child custody situation, for example, and the person just never shows
up to get the kids, or they show up late, or they constantly change the time.
You just document, and document, and document it, and then when it comes time to present
that to the court, you have a nice log of exactly what happened and when, what time
did they show up, what time did they leave, all of that.
So, eventually it will work in your favor, but just remember that you want to keep track
of your own case and make sure that that is bolstered as much as possible, and then highlight
the weaknesses of the other person as well.
Okay, number four is what I started to allude to at number three, which is document, document,
document.
And I cannot stress this enough.
Keep really careful notes.
Have an app open on your phone.
Have a journal, a log, whatever you need to do so that wherever you are real time you
can be logging what's happening.
And I have won entire cases on these types of logs.
Let me tell you, they do work.
It is critically important, so make sure that you're documenting, because what you're doing
is you're slowly closing in on your narcissist from every angle.
This is war, this is the art of war.
And so, you're building these tactics, and you're closing in on them from various different
angles, and it doesn't look like you're doing much until you've got them fully surrounded.
And that's when you realize, "Hey, I have them!"
And only then is when they're going to want to start to have a conversation with you about
potentially settling the case and not having to go to court, because you know that the
main thing about a narcissist is that they don't want to look back.
I have a lot more on this in my videos on how to negotiate with a narcissist and how
to negotiate with the narcissist ex, and I will drop links below to those videos, you'll
definitely want to check those out.
Okay, number five, definitely do very thorough research.
Have everything ready to go.
Do you need appraisals?
Do you need valuations?
Do you need a forensic accountant?
Do we need to figure out what the person's true income is by looking at their banking
records?
Do we need to figure out a lifestyle analysis by looking at credit card statements and bank
statements and things like that?
Everything needs to be ready to go.
All I's dotted, all T's crossed.
Don't leave any stone unturned.
Don't leave anything to winging it because whatever your weaknesses are, wherever there's
that weakness in your case, that's where they're going to find you, and that's what they're
going to jam their foot in and open that door and make it into a big, huge thing.
So also in being prepared, you're going to want to make sure that you do all the research
for the other side.
What are they going to argue?
What points do they have against me?
What leverage do they have against me?
And then be ready to answer that.
"I anticipated this argument and here's my response."
Because, if you're only prepared for your side, then you are only half ready to go.
So make sure that you are ready for both sides, as if you're preparing for both sides.
And one word about leverage, by the way, is makes sure that once you've got that leverage,
you use it at the most opportune time.
Do not give it away too early, do not show it to them before you get to court, because
you want to use it when you need it.
All right, so the last one, number six, is to keep your emotions in check.
And this is going to be one of the hardest things to do because narcissists know how
to push your buttons, and they know how to manipulate you, so they're going to make faces,
they're going to make little snarky comments, they're going to say things under their breath.
And so, I would totally avoid making eye contact with them in the courtroom.
It's not going to serve you.
Just look at the judge, when you're testifying just look at the judge.
Make sure that you've practiced your testimony.
I, as an attorney, go over my direct testimony with my clients.
If your attorney doesn't do that as a matter of course, ask your attorney to do that with
you, or ask them for the questions and have somebody else practice it with you.
You want to just be able to at least control the parts that you can control, which is your
direct testimony.
You should basically know what those questions are going to be, that your attorney will be
asking you those questions.
And be ready with what you're going to say so that you're not stumped, and you're not
feeling nervous and anxious.
You know exactly, "Okay, this is that question.
Here's how I planned to respond to it."
I mean, of course you're going to answer truthfully.
You just want to be prepared on how you're going to word your answers, how you going
to say it.
What things you want to make sure to get in, what things you want to make sure to say,
things like that.
So, that's your direct testimony.
Now, as for your cross examination, you should also see if your lawyer...
I know I usually do this as a matter of course.
I tell my clients what to expect for cross examination too.
I even sometimes get another lawyer in my office to do a mock cross examination with
the person and beat them up a little bit, just so that they're ready, the kinds of questions
that I would ask under cross examination, something like that.
So the more you can be prepared, the less emotional you will be, the less anxious you
will be.
If you're getting ready to go to court with a narcissist, before you go to court you should
be trying to negotiate a resolution, because going to court means that you're basically
throwing caution to the wind and you're letting a stranger, who is the judge, decide the fate
of your life.
So before you negotiate with that narcissist, you should definitely, definitely download
my Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet.
It is chockfull of information.
It's not just a worksheet that you fill out.
I give you lots and lots of guidance and tell you exactly what you should be thinking about,
and then also what to fill out.
So make sure you download that.
I will drop a link to that.
It's totally free.
I'm Rebecca Zung, top 1% attorney and the bestselling author of the books Negotiate
Like You Matter and Breaking Free, a step-by-step divorce guide.
I share all my secrets right here with you, so make sure if you haven't done it already,
subscribe and hit the notification bell so that you'll know when I upload my next video.
Thanks so much for stopping by today and I will see you in the next video.
Remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.