> ♪ We've gotta make love just one last time in the shower... ♪ >> Just in case you didn't sign along with the stupid words last time,
we have for you a second round of mind-numbing, musical dumbness.
> ♪ Wig-wig-wig-wig-wiggle, yeah! ♪
♪ Wig-wig-wig-wig-wiggle, yeah! ♪
>> Welcome to WatchMojo.com, and today,
we're counting down our picks for "Another Top 10 Stupidest Lyrics."
> FERGIE: ♪ I'm so 3008, you're so 2000 and late! ♪
>> For this list, we're collected more of the stupidest lyrics ever sung.
>> For this list, we've collected more of the stupidest lyrics ever sung. For more laughable lines, check out our original video,
"The Top 10 Stupidest Lyrics of All Time."
> ♪ Tuck my napkin in my shirt ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm just mobbin' like that ♪
> (mariachi band playing)
>> NUMBER 10: "Someday I'll find a love like yours.
She'll think I'm Superman, not SuperMinivan.
How could you leave on Yom Kippur?"
--"50 Ways to Say Goodbye," Train.
> ♪ My heart is paralyzed ♪
> ♪ My heart is paralyzed ♪ ♪ My head was oversized ♪
>> We pull out of today's starting station with Train,
and a song all about the narrator trying to hide his wounded ego.
Ironically, though, the most embarrassing thing about this record
isn't the fact that his girlfriend left him.
> ♪ She'll think I'm Superman ♪
♪ Not super-minivan ♪
♪ How could you leave on Yom Kippur? ♪
> The Superman to super-minivan jump is so incredibly dumb,
we're left wondering just how much Kryptonite
a man would have to ingest to think that those words worked.
They tried to patch it up with a cultured reference
to the holiest day of the Jewish calendar,
but not even Yom Kippur could atone for this lyric.
> It's horrible! It really is horrible!
What's happened to you? It's horrible!
NUMBER 9: "Oh, I've been pumpin' pussy like gas, (bleep)!" --"Yao Ming," by David Banner, featuring Lil' Wayne and 2Chainz
> ♪ I Run-DMC's in this b!*ch in my Adidas ♪
>> For all the world-class wordplay that rap music has given us,
the genre is also an unrelenting gold mine of terrible lines.
In-between the quite nauseating refrain of "Look at my daddy..."
> ♪ Look at my daddy (YAO MING!) ♪
♪ Look at my daddy, look at my daddy... ♪
>> ...This David Banner turns sex into something really quite undesirable.
The guy is surely trying to big himself up,
but, if your bedroom antics are comparable
to your gas-station routine, that can't be good.
> ♪ I've been pumpin' pussy like gas, n--ga ♪
>> Either Mr. Chainz regularly gets his nozzle stuck,
or he finishes quite quickly.
Or, he pays a little less for self-service. You decide.
> ♪ I've been pumpin' pussy like gas, n--ga ♪
♪ Got my fo-fo, you'll get eight like math, n--ga ♪
> KRS-ONE: Yo, yo! Brand-new KRS, y'all! Maximum strength!
>> NUMBER 8: "My paragraph alone is worth five mics.
A twelve-song LP, that's 36 mics."
--"5 Boroughs," by KRS-One, featuring Bounty Killer, Buckshot,
Cam'Ron, Keith Murray, Killah Priest, Prodigy, Redman, Run, and Vigilante.
> KRS: ♪ Splittin' and strippin' 'em down, we spittin' ♪
♪ Into them, sound clash we winnin' 'em, just beginnin' 'em ♪
>> Judging by our next lyric, it's no wonder that Redman,
the lyricist in question, is able to count the "5 boroughs" in the song's title.
> REDMAN: ♪ My paragraph alone is worth five mics (Uh-huh) ♪
♪ A twelve-song LP? That's 36 mics ♪
>> Because, assuming that the rapper has at least one paragraph
in each of the twelve songs he mentions,
he should be scoring sixty mics.
So, what happened to the other 24 mics?
Or does Redman only contribute 7 1/7 paragraphs
to each of the twelve songs?
> REDMAN: ♪ Tip of my Timbs to my eyebrows ♪
♪ The hostile English--Olde E, wide mouth ♪
>> Who even knows anymore?!
Mathematically speaking, when Redman rocks the mic,
he rocks the mic wrong.
> REDMAN: ♪ My paragraph alone is worth five mics (Uh-huh) ♪
♪ A twelve-song LP, that's 36 mics (Uh-huh) ♪
> (screaming)
> (screaming) >> NUMBER 7: "Ding dang dong dong ding dang
dong dong dong ding dang..."
--"Around the World," by Red Hot Chili Peppers
> ♪ All around the world, we can make time ♪
♪ Rompin' and a-stompin' 'cause I'm in my prime ♪
>> In this Chili Peppers number, frontman Anthony Kiedis
takes us all across the planet on some kind of spiritual journey,
which mostly involves the women he's met at various places.
♪ I've been around the world, back from Bombay ♪
♪ Foxhole love right in your face ♪
♪ Livin' in and out of a big, fat suitcase ♪
>> It's all going well until the last chorus,
when he suddenly slips in a nonsensical splurge of weirdness.
> ♪ I know, I know for sure... ♪
♪ Ding-dang-dong-dong, ding-dang-dong-dong, ding-dang ♪
>> And he knows it for sure, but no one else understands it at all.
Life is beautiful around the world, but that doesn't make
a ding-dong-dang bit of difference.
Because we're just really, really confused.
because we're just really, really confused. ♪ Ding-dang-dong-dong, ding-dang-dong-dong, ding-dang ♪
>> NUMBER 6: "Together, we're one; separated, we're two." --"Girl You Know It's True," by Milli Vanilli
> ♪ I'm in love with you, girl, 'cause on my mind ♪
♪ You're the one I think about most every time ♪
>> Our next lyric is ludicrous on so many levels.
First, there's the bare-faced banality of it all.
Together equals one; separate equals two.
It's like a first-grade math problem wrapped up
in a painful attempt to be poetic.
> ♪ Together, we're one; separated, we're two ♪
Second, this lyric and record contribute to Milli Vanilli
somehow winning a Grammy!
> ♪ Together, we're one; separated, we're two ♪
>> Third and finally, in 1989, it was revealed that Milli Vanilli
didn't even sing the stupid lyric in the first place,
didn't even sing the stupid lyric int he first place, and that the whole act was actually a sham!
> ♪ Together, we're one; separated, we're two ♪
>> Suffice to say, the Grammy was rescinded.
But the lyric will forever be remembered.
> ♪ Together, we're one; separated, we're two ♪
>> I mean, I guess we can blame it on the rain, but should we?
> ♪ Blame it on the rain ♪
♪ That was falling, falling ♪
♪ Blame it on the stars ♪
♪ That shine at night... ♪
> Come on! >> NUMBER 5: "Sometimes we swim around,
like two dolphins in the oceans of our hearts..."
--"Every Other Time," by LFO
> ♪ I said "Let's talk about it" as she walked out on me... ♪
>> On the face of it, this band has it all--
pool parties, cool cars, blonde highlights, and barely-dressed women.
> ♪ When I think about it, I'm so in love with her ♪
♪ Every, every, every other time ♪
>> There's breakdancing, boyish tomfoolery, and DJ Sound FX.
> ♪ Sometimes it's black, sometimes it's white ♪
>> But, no matter how hard LFO try,
they're just not rock 'n' roll. Or even close to being so.
And with sickly similes like this, is it any wonder?
> ♪ Sometimes, we swim around like two dolphins ♪
♪ In the ocean of our hearts ♪
>> "Like two dolphins in the oceans of your hearts"?
C'mon, guys! You were meant to be musicians!
This kind of stuff isn't even worthy of the reject pile
of Valentine's Day cards!
> ♪ Oh yeah, every other time! ♫
NUMBER 4: "Only time will tell if we stand the test of time." --"Why Can't This Be Love," by Van Halen
> ♪ Whoa, here it comes ♪
♪ That funny feeling again... ♪
>> Talk about stating the obvious.
This line definitely wasn't Van Halen's greatest moment,
nor was it their moment of greatness.
All it really is is just an exercise in saying the same thing
twice in a slightly different way.
> ♪ Only time will tell if we stand the test of time ♪
>> Ironically, the line before this one refers to fools rushing in.
> ♪ Hey, only fools rush in ♪
>> ...Which must be a turn of phrase appropriate for
whichever creative process contributed to the penning of this lyric.
We're really hoping this was written in a hurry,
because, if it wasn't, then it's even more unforgivable
and unable to be forgiven.
> ♪ Hey, only fools rush in ♪
♪ Only time will tell if we stand the test of time ♪
> The boss, Rick Ross, deeper than rap!
Biggest album in the game! It's comin' soon, you feel me?
>> NUMBER 3: "Gotta love it, it's the media.
I'm the biggest rapper. Google me, Expedia."
--"Comfortable (Freestyle)," by Rick Ross
> ♪ I step aboard, Louie shoes, checkerboard ♪
♪ Tom Ford, make a broad, wanna check a boy ♪
>> Being alive in the 21st Century,
you'd expect Rick Ross to know at least a little bit about the Internet.
But here, he's a little confused about which website is which.
> ♪ Gotta love it, it's the media ♪
♪ I'm the biggest rapper; Google me, Expedia ♪
>> We can only assume that the "big-time rapper"
wants to be on people-powered Wikipedia.
But instead, he's listed himself with a globally-recognized
low-cost travel company.
> It's Rick Ross, with the rich music. Deeperthanrap.com
>> Which isn't a brilliant move for any high-ballin' hip-hop superstar,
unless he's merely bragging about how much money
he saved on his last vacation.
But somehow, that seems highly doubtful.
> ♪ Gotta love it, it's the media ♪
♪ I'm the biggest rapper; Google me, Expedia ♪
>> NUMBER 2: "Empty spaces fill me up with holes..." --"Incomplete," by Backstreet Boys
> ♪ Empty spaces ♪
♪ Fill me up with holes ♪
>> As one of the most popular pop acts ever,
the Backstreet Boys are well-acquainted with the Top 10.
But this...is nothing to be proud of.
The opening line to a love song is often something poignant,
intense, or ambiguous.
> ♪ I tried... ♪
♪ to go on like I never knew you ♪
>> This one is trying to be all three, and failing miserably.
> ♪ Fill me up with holes ♪
>> The empty holes and spaces are so cheesy,
they literally put you in mind of a slab of well-matured Swiss.
> ♪ Incomplete... ♪
>> It's no wonder that, in the video,
the band symbolically clutches at sand
and drops to their knees in emotional agony.
Clearly, they've just realized how senseless they sound.
> ♪ Incomplete... ♫
>> Before we unveil our number one pick,
here are a few "Honorable" Mentions...
> ♪ Touch my bum, this is life ♪
> ♪ I like 'em black, white, Puerto Rican or Haitian ♪
♪ I like Japanese, Chinese, or even Asian ♪
> ♪ Shorty just text me; says she want to sex me ♪
♪ L-O-L, smiley face, L-O-L, smiley face ♪
> ♪ But don't...up with Wayne, 'cause when it Waynes, it pours ♪
> ♪ I get plenty of @*$, so call me an astronaut ♪
> ♪ Now you get to watch her leave out the window ♪
♪ Guess that's why they call it window pane ♪
> BON IVER: ♪ I...shoot the lights out ♪
>> NUMBER 1: "She on a diet, but her pocket's eating cheescake!"
--"Monster," by Kanye West, featuring Jay-Z,
Rick Ross, Bon Iver, and Nicki Minaj
> (Kanye screaming)
> RICK ROSS: ♪ B!*ch, I'm a monster, no-good bloodsucker ♪
♪ Fat mother Hubbard, now look who's in trouble ♪
>> Never in Kanye's most beautiful, most twisted fantasies
could he possibly have imagined a lyric as stupid as this.
> MINAJ: ♪ She on a diet, but her pocket's eatin' cheesecake! ♪
>> Rapped as part of West's posse-cut 2010 "Monster" collaboration,
it sees Nicki Minaj boast about the money she's making,
but also underline the way with words that she clearly doesn't have.
If that's the double entendre she was going for,
then fair play, we guess.
Minaj goes around dissing stupid hoes...
> ♪ You a, you a stupid hoe! ♪
♪ You a stupid hoe! You a, you a stupid hoe! ♪
>> ...Then she earns her fame by chanting "@*$" on repeat.
> MINAJ: ♪ Then slap it on my ass, ass... ♪
> BIG SEAN: (chanting "@*$" on repeat)
>> She gets her just desserts with this
cheesecake-covered top spot.
> MINAJ: ♪ She on a diet, but her pocket's eatin' cheesecake! ♪
>> So, do you agree with our list? Which lyric did we overlook?
> ♪ Back from, ya mama must be thick ♪
♪ That's where ya get your back from ♪
>> For more Top 10's that aren't stupid published everyday,
be sure to subscribe to WatchMojo.com.
> ♪ I know it's you... ♪
♪ Ding-dang-dong-dong, ding-dang-dong-dong, ding-dang ♪
(closed-captioned by Matthew Strittmatter)