We'll go right back the phone calls. Next up is Jay in Greensboro, North Carolina.
Hi Jay!
Hello, hello Mr. Hanegraaff, I appreciate your time sir. God bless you.
God bless you.
Um, my question is-- maybe it's a little uncomfortable but I know that you'll be good to the Word and you know,
find the answer for me.
I've been married over 25 years, and my
wife and I, we've always enjoyed a healthy sex life but the last few years
she hasn't - you know - been one to uh, you know, have relations with me, and it's
just been really hard, and I know that um, it's not right to masturbate, you know?
But I just don't know what else to do sir. I feel uncomfortable also in that
I'm really trying to let the Holy Spirit regenerate me, and I
don't want to grieve the Holy Spirit and I want to live for Jesus. So what's
your opinion on that sir? If you don't mind?
Yeah I mean I think it's probably presumptive
for me to try to diagnose the whole situation as an electronic sound bite
but let me give you a couple of principles. The first principle from my
perspective would simply be that for you to have a satisfying relationship with
your wife - on a mental, on a spiritual, on a physical plane - takes the investment of
quality time. I mean I think we oftentimes treat - and I was talking about
this at an interview I did earlier this afternoon - we often treat God no better
than we do our most cherished relationships. What I mean by that is we
want intimacy without the investment of quality time. And I think just as we
often rush into God's presence before our knees have hit the ground, we're
already thinking about getting back into our frenzied lifestyle. I think
in the same way we do the same thing with our treasured
relationships; we don't nurture them. When you don't nurture them, well, then you end
up being in a situation where solo sex becomes
the only way to relieve that particular God-given gift. But that's not the way to
do it. Solo sex does not fit God's design because it is divorced from the beauty
of marital sex being relational, and a way to serve another selflessly. It is
radically focused on self, to it solo sexuality. It's radically focused on self.
It misses the signpost reality in every way for what we would term "holy sex,"
and remember, when two people come together, it's not open, it's closed. It is
a holy communion between two people. So, there are some basic principles. The
Bible doesn't speak directly to this, but it does speak to it in principle. The
basic principles: don't lust, don't fantasize after someone you're not
married to. Certainly masturbation in conjunction with pornography is sinful.
But what we can say the Bible is explicit about is that we were created
male and female with sexual intercourse to be restricted within marriage. And I
think an argument could be made that we were made for sexual union, male and
female, not for - as I mentioned earlier on - solo sexual activity. So I think it's
important to go back to the root cause, and nurture that
relationship, get counseling if you need counseling,
do what you do within the community of faith so that you're not walking this
path alone, and get some good resources. One of my favorites is by Joe Dallas.
He called it the "game plan." The men's 30 day-strategy for attaining
sexual integrity. I think this is one of the most helpful books I've ever
promoted over the years, particularly in an age in which there's rampant
pornography, there's a lot of solo sexuality, and this brings
you back to a baseline where you can start nurturing the relationship and
start using your vessel in a way that's pleasing to the Lord as opposed to
displeasing to the Lord.
Yes, wow, that's good that is really good sir.
I can see how we could do that. That opened my eyes. Yes sir. Yes sir!
Well Jay, thank you for calling and thanks for doing this--
Oh Hank, thank you and I really appreciate it Hanegraaff. God bless you.
God bless you.
you