oh Jesus Christ! oh just let yourself in why don't you, i could have been doing all sorts, who does that
almost wet me knickers Today I am preparing a supper for Lord Braybrooke's dinner party, that's
if Mary-Anne ever gets off her arse I've decided to make a turbot, for this recipe you will need
TUBOT make sure to use your very best turbot kettle - I have heard of people using ordinary oven
dishes and I just about died of embarrassment - put in some nice fresh spring water, don't use cistern
as it could be stale - if you do that you might as well just piss in it As it's 1880 I thought I'd
prepare Lord Braybrooke a shot of arsenic and a bowl of lead - I often find with preparing food for
the poor folk- Mrs. Crocombe! What? I burned the ginger biscuits my darlin.. f*** sake, well look there's
a guided tour coming through any minute just shove some digestives in a bowl - I think it's always best
to use traditional means, although I have been trying a new medication that's just arrived
from the Americas - it's called cocaine I must admit it's not really out my headaches thus far
oh look my enormous raisin friend - Mrs Cravendale in the dairy has been busy preparing four gallons
of milk for today's butter - that's an awful lot of milking, I suspect her nipples are sore
that's the turbot in for about 45 minutes
better check on the turbot... for lunch I am preparing an almond and pepper sauce over braised
ostrich, for this recipe you will need...
a medium-sized bird will take about 30 minutes, anything the size of Mrs Brockett the housekeeper will take much longer
I'm not one for trying out these modern kitchen gadgets but I am told these are rather good
oh no hang on, what year is this from? I think this is right for the period... it's supposed to be 1880 init?
I think this is right though... There's literally a plug on it Mary-Anne, I can't work with this
Oh i thought we were doing 1980... go into the dairy, take that and shove it up your Audley End
For the entree, I'm making rhubarb soup, because lunch wasn't quite disgusting enough
Sylvia has already chopped and peeled the rhubarb for this dish which is very kind of her as she is
being hanged at three o'clock - it's a good job Mary-Anne stole this basket from the laundry,
not because it will provide any use for us but we just can't stand the lady who
works in the laundry can we.. That's my mum There's always plenty to do in the kitchen
but you must remember to pause for a nice nutritious snack
Presentation isn't everything, after all I am employed as a cook not a confectioner
besides, Mary-Anne's mother looks a mess and someone must have slept with her
It's true you will need a very large bowl for something like this, perfectly large for when
you're told there's going to be 10 for dinner but there's actually fourteen... sweet revenge was mine
I had mary ann gob in the marmalade ice Make sure to wrap your pudding in a clean piece of cloth
No don't bother washing it, Christ we're not eating this are we
Shop-bought pastry hasn't been invented yet
So I spent the normal daily four hours toiling over this - turn it, fold it, twist it and bop it
Mary-Anne is now going to put this in the oven for an hour and a half
No don't don't really... What? Put it in the... oh for god's sake give it here *microwave noises*
It is important at this stage to remove the scum... well off you go then
Lady Braybrooke's got athlete's foot... be sure not to tell anyone
I do enjoy making this pudding, might be because i really like workin wit floyeur
I could mill this flower myself from scratch but I haven't the time today - I've got an asbestos bath
this afternoon... Took me five months to make this This cake is really beloved by all the servants
too bad they're not having any... There we are, boiled onion and raisin pudding with chocolate beetroots
and some sort of meat - We are honoured at Audley End kitchen today to have this bouncy little bunny
with us for easter, he's sure to be more help than Mary-Anne. I find that bunny rabbits bring you such
a wonderful sense of calm... and they work wonders in a meat pie - Today i'm making Devonshire squab pie
and to be honest i'd rather be doing anything else... Squab
means pigeon, although there isn't actually any pigeon in it... It's not from Devonshire either
come to think of it it's not even a pie... I've read in the weekly gazette that the Queen loves
Devonshire Squab but then I've also read that it's safe to give babies absinthe so who the hell
knows what to believe... This Devonshire squab pie will be just right for Lord and Lady Braybrooke's
dinner party that they're throwing tonight for Jack the Ripper, I've prepared kedgeree for breakfast
although to be honest I don't really want to serve this because it doesn't like it's been run over
Lord and Lady Braybrooke have got a VIP over this afternoon - it's Little Miss Muffet... Mary-Anne
take these curds and whey out to her, I suspect she'll be sitting on a tuffet... What's a tuffet?
Well it's like a sort of giant mushroom?
what is that? oh you just don't want to show people your hair oh
she's going on about her hair cause she's in the middle of dyeing it and don't you think that
I haven't noticed that's why you put that on - it's fine i just don't want a million comments
like "oh Nova could use a toner" You look like Eminem... it's a work in progress - it's like you've
rolled around in some toothpaste Ah Nova don't you love it here it at Audley End house and gardens
I thought you were gonna be like "having a wonderful time at the clam's casino" isn't this a wonderful
party? i hope you're enjoying the clam's casino! right so that was Mrs. Crocombe and Mary-Anne the
wench - yes i think you did a wonderful turn as Mary-Anne, Thanks um we're both stupid dim
um yeah not helpful at all in any capacity - if you are unaware of Mrs. Crocombe and you've watched
this whole thing then you must be thinking what the f, she has a series on English Heritage so
there will be a link in the description below, yes love her, she's played by an actress and a
historian called Kathy Hipperson who I just adore so much so if you've seen this Kathy
or anyone at English Heritage please don't like, have us struck off...
it's all done with love all of our parodies are always done with love and appreciation
so i hope you enjoyed it there'll be a small clip as always on twitter if you want to go
try and share it maybe they'll see it maybe they'll see it oh god if you're new to the
channel this is the sort of dumb [ __ ] that we do we've got some patreon birthdays so for
April 29th happy birthday to Kenneth and Janine i hope you had gorgeous day, Dan was on April
30th happy birthday San um and Tara it was May 1st happy birthday happy birthday Tara, Michelle
May the third it was your best happy birthday Michelle um... May third hasn't happened yet
but normally we record like a week in advance i don't know where you're living
in your head space at the moment um and then for May 5th Michael Henderson happy birthday
happy birthday Michael um we're wearing some Legendary Creature merch here which is available
at novympia.com or on the teespring link below and that's available on teespring this is available
on noympia.com - there'll be a message afterwards if you want to join the Patreon and when we get
to a thousand we're going to do what Nova? the A-hole Race season three...
which will be a patreon exclusive as well so just saying... why do you... why do they want that why do
you want it oh it's sh** - get out
join the patrone we'll do a shot of patron!