- Tantrums are a common occurrence during toddlerhood
and they can start as early as nine months of age
and continue for a few years to come.
But what no one tells you is you actually have the power
to reduce the number of tantrums your little one is having
by simply removing some known triggers that cause tantrums.
So, in this video,
I'm gonna share with you 10 tips
on how to reduce the number of tantrums
your little one is having,
which will make your life with your little one
a whole lot more enjoyable.
But before we do, if your little one
is under one year of age,
make sure you click on that free PDF document
in the description box below
to get that free developmental checklist
for your baby's first year of life.
So, how can you reduce the number of tantrums
your little one is throwing throughout the day?
So, the very first thing you wanna do
is give your toddler the opportunity
to make some minor choices in their day.
Toddlers want to be independent.
They don't always have the skill to be independent,
but they still want that independence.
And they also understand a lot more than they can say
and this can result in some frustration
because they don't have the words
to tell you what their wants are, their needs,
or their feelings.
So, to compensate for their developing language skills,
as well as a need for independence,
it's important to give them some minor choices in their day.
So, that might mean that you let them choose
what piece of fruit they have
or what they have on their sandwich
and I would do that by giving your toddler two choices.
And if you have it available,
I would hold those choices in your hands
because that will help to increase their understanding.
So, if you are going to let them choose the piece of fruit,
I would say, "Do you want an apple?" holding it in one hand,
or "Do you want an orange?"
And once your toddler indicates what they want,
you would then give it to them.
What you would notice
is as your little one's language skills starts to improve,
the number of tantrums should reduce.
The second thing you wanna do
is always prepare your little one
for when an activity is coming to an end.
So, transitions,
so moving from one activity to another
is extremely difficult for toddlers.
And you always need to verbally warn them,
as well as try and use natural endings to activities.
So, for example, if your little one is watching TV
and they're watching a nursery rhyme,
what you would do is you would tell them one more song
or one more nursery rhyme.
And when that nursery rhyme finishes,
that is when you turn the TV off
and move on to the next activity.
You don't turn it off mid-song or mid-nursery rhyme
because that is going to result in a tantrum.
Now, if you are out at the park,
the way you would do that is you would say,
"Okay, five more pushes on the swing
and then we are going home."
And you would count that out and then hop off,
and that will help them with that transition,
and reduce the likelihood of a tantrum occurring.
The third tip is routine routine, routine.
Toddlers love and thrive on routines.
And that is because routines provide
a sense of security and it also teaches them
what are the expected behaviors
that should happen during that set event.
So, a routine might be as simple
as having the same sequence of activities
that happen before bedtime,
so they might have a bath.
Then, they might get into their pajamas,
brush their teeth,
you might read them a book in bed, sing them a song,
and then they go to sleep.
But having this routine
makes it really quite simple for their little one
'cause they know exactly what's going to happen
and they also know what is expected of them.
The fourth tip is to make sure
that you keep your toddler well-rested.
So, you want to avoid an overtired toddler.
We know ourselves that when we are tired,
our tolerance is a lot less
and we are more likely to become upset and a bit irrational.
And that is the same with toddlers.
So, what you wanna do is set and keep
age-appropriate bedtimes and nap times.
Now, what you do need to be aware of
is between 12 to 15 months of age,
your toddler is going to drop their nap.
So, they'll go from two naps to one nap
and this might mean
that you need to bring that bedtime slightly forward
just to compensate
and as they get more comfortable staying awake for longer
without that second nap,
then you can gradually bring that bedtime back out.
Tip number five is to place any item
that your little one is not allowed to play with
definitely out of reach,
but more importantly, out of sight.
And this is because toddlers are extremely impulsive.
They don't yet understand social norms
and when they want something, they want it then and there.
So, if they can see the item,
then, of course, they're gonna wanna play with it.
And if they aren't allowed to,
then this will result in a tantrum.
So, if you can place it out of sight,
you will avoid that whole interaction.
But if this is not possible, then that is completely fine.
What you wanna do is give them an alternative.
So, for example, when I'm often in the kitchen,
my toddlers would often want to be right there beside me
and it isn't safe for them to open the drawers,
but I knew that they were going to want to do that.
So, I gave them a drawer which was okay to open.
So, I placed all my Tupperware containers
in a lower drawer that they could open
and then they would spend all their time
pulling those Tupperware containers out.
And I knew that they were safe
and happy while I was in the kitchen.
The sixth tip is to make sure
you keep your toddler well-fed.
Even us as adults get hangry
and toddlers definitely get hangry
and they show that by generally throwing a tantrum.
Now, toddlers don't yet understand
what those body sensation mean
and they don't know when they are hungry
until you've pretty much put the food in front of them
and they start to eat.
So, just try and keep on top of it
and you do that by knowing
that toddlers generally eat every two and a half hours,
they generally have five meals a day,
and it's your role to provide food
which is safe for them to eat,
but it's their role to choose
how much of that food they want to eat.
So, make sure when you are going out,
just be aware that if it's coming up
to that two and a half hour mark,
or you know your toddler's gonna be hungry when you're out,
have some food,
which is easily accessible for you to give them
while you're out and avoid that tantrum,
which is caused by hunger.
The seventh tip is to make sure you give your toddler toys,
which are age-appropriate
and make sure you rotate the toys.
Now, we wanna give them toys which are age-appropriate
because toddlers are extremely independent.
And if you are giving them toys,
which are simply too hard for them to play with
or manipulate,
then it is going to result in a lot of frustration
because they don't want your help.
They wanna do it themselves,
but they simply do not have the skill.
The other reason you wanna rotate their toys
is to avoid boredom.
If you keep presenting them with the same toys,
they are gonna get bored of those toys
and that will result in some tantrums as well.
But if you rotate the toys,
so you might put a box of toys away
and then bring it out a week or two later,
then it's like it's a new toy for your little one
and it provides a lot more entertainment and engagement.
Tip number eight is be aware of your toddler's cues
that they're getting a little frustrated
or they're likely to tantrum soon.
If you can notice that your little one
is becoming frustrated or they're getting upset,
what you can do is intervene before that tantrum occurs
and you can help them through that process.
So, you might be able to say,
"I can see you getting frustrated with that toy.
Can I help you?"
And then you can help them build it up
and that will avoid a tantrum.
But if you are not picking up on those cues early enough,
then it will definitely result in a tantrum,
which is gonna be a whole lot harder to manage.
The ninth tip is to be consistent.
Now, it is really important
to show empathy to your child
and label their emotions when they do become upset.
But it's also important to keep with what you said.
So, if your little one starts to cry
when you say, "It's time to leave the park,"
and you've given them that verbal warning,
and then it's time to go and they start crying,
you should say, "I can see you're upset,
but we still need to leave the park."
It isn't going to help if you back flip and you say,
"Okay, we can go and play on another play equipment,"
because what that teaches your little one
is that, "If I cry or fuss long enough,
then mom will change her mind
or dad will change their mind
and I'll be able to get what I want."
And lastly, you want to avoid saying, "No," "Don't,"
or "Stop doing something."
It is really frustrating for toddlers to hear all the time,
"Stop touching your toys,"
"Stop doing this, stop doing that."
And it will result in lots of tantrums
because they just feel like they can't do anything.
What you need to do instead
is use positive language and tell them what to do.
And if you want more advice on that,
then make sure you click on this video here,
where I go through why this phrase doesn't work
and what you can do instead.
Make sure you click on that free PDF document
in the description box below and I will see you next week,
where I'll share more parenting tips and tricks.
(lighthearted music)