Hey guys and girls on Ask Japanese greetings from Tokyo this is your flashy fashion reporter CathyCAT
and today we're going to talk about why is it so hard to date Japanese guys and especially
when you want to fight with them why are they so different so let's find out what it is girls
this might be a good reference for you if you want to date Japanese guys and guys you might be able
to tell us whether that's a common thing maybe you guys do it or not let's find out let's go
so what if there is trouble in paradise what if things are not going as smoothly what if there
is a reason to discuss now girls will usually come and say "Why did you say this well I thought this .."
and they try and solve it by talking but in Japan there's one thing that Japanese boys do apparently
is that when there's trouble and especially when the girl raises them they go completely silent
So why do Japanese boys go so quiet now imagine the situation they're like in a bamboo forest
as if they're meditating they're completely silent but their partner keeps talking
and talking at them she's talking and she's getting angry and angrier and the
most common phrase that a lot of Japanese girls apparently say to their partners is
"Why are you so quiet? Why are you not saying anything?" so why are they not saying anything
now apparently it's not because they don't want to speak but it's because they can't speak yet
some internet pages for girls have mentioned this issue and try to help girls through this situation
of their partners not talking back to them and try to explain it to the girls why Japanese boys
keep so quiet in these situations it's like the samurai earlier the samurai will first
listen to the situation and then decide on what approach to do so it's not a one-track mind and
that kind of meaning but more of a one situation at a time so they collect the information so for
example they realize oh my girlfriend was angry at me why was she angry at me and then she keeps
talking she's like okay that's why she was angry at me how do I react next and that leads to the
certain type of silence because they're first like just taking all the facts in and then
have to think of what move to do... do they draw their sword do they fight back do they have to
apologize and that's probably one of the reasons why Japanese boys get so quiet in that moment
Now you and I and the majority of Japanese girls is thinking
"What are Japanese boys thinking in that moment of silence?" and there are probably a
couple of things they could be thinking is "Why am I getting scolded?" some boys just
suddenly ran into this situation maybe they didn't really listen to their partner's feelings
well enough and just thought everything was going fine well it wasn't "Why am I getting
schooler why is she so angry?" but most of the time: "How do I overcome this how do you get out of this?"
Think of the samurai again he's sitting there he's getting showered in words from his goddess
she's saying a lot of things and he's trying to process all of this in time
we have some kind of a Japanese flute in the background he's like "Okay what action to take?"
there seems to be two very different types of how girls and boys in Japan approach fights girls are
usually the ones who first talk with their friends about it to figure out what they would think about
it and then they speak out to their partner while Japanese boys are more on the side of they first
listen to it keep quiet think about it and try to solve it themselves instead of speaking out
so how do we overcome this situation now she's very angry she's talking about him and he's not
talking back he's being very very quiet how do we overcome this and again in his head he's like
"I must overcome the situation I must overcome it by myself" somehow without asking for help "I have to
be a strong man by myself " do the samurai things ..."maybe it's my fault maybe I should ..."
take all the blame on myself" and a lot of things are going through their heads so they're still
trying to think about it while the girl is saying a lot of things. How to overcome this?
Remember when we were talking about business negotiations on this channel when I told
you about business negotiations that sometimes you should just not aggressively push your point
give the other person some time to think about it and this applies
here just as well if the situation is super heated up it's like boiling water right so
the best thing you can do at the situation after you raised your problem is to let it cool down
Don't force them to speak out right now otherwise you might get GYAKUGIRE meaning they're just
out of reaction you know fire something back that they might later on regret for example
see the situation like boiling hot water you can't drink it while it's boiling
and some people can't even drink it while it's still very hot like tea
let it cool down add a couple of ice cubes to it and wait meaning after you raise your
point don't force them to speak up straight away and just let it settle for a while
( I think the director meant to write "water" here....)
so give each other some space and some time to deal with the situation
let it calm down let it cool down maybe go to a different room maybe go for a walk give
each other the space so he can process the data he just got he can think about
it and then afterwards he'll probably come up by himself and talk with you
And here the girls online magazines give some extra special advice, well little tips for that
situation: so if you guys are taking each a quick break, you're going for a walk of
stuff apparently a good hint for you girls is to put some sweets or snacks on the table so even
though you're not facing each other and you're not facing off because that's like a battleground
again... just put some sweets or snacks on the table just to show that you still care... you still care
about him you don't hate him but you're waiting for his response so he'll know he'll get the
sweets and go "Oh my gosh she was so angry at me and she still gave me sweets oh!" and that might make it
maybe a little bit easier because you're kind of doing a step forward as a sign of peace as well
So once he finally comes up to you and starts talking about his opinion or his thoughts and
situation... ah finally he is talking oh this is the situation you wanted to have right but
in that situation don't overwhelm him with "W"words meaning "why how when where" all of that could
be too aggressive again and they're like again trying to grab their sword and go like
"how do you respond to that i'm just telling my emotions" listen to what they want to say give them
the chance to voice themselves and then voice your opinions as well but don't turn his speaking out
into another fight situation... you want to make sure.... drawing the sword again... you want to make sure that
this is a peace negotiation and not another fight ... in that situation the best thing you guys can aim
for is a compromise a healthy good compromise meaning both parties understand what the other
one wants and try to work at themselves mentioning that in the Japanese street interviews we have
done the majority of fights between Japanese girl boys and girls are what do you guys think? it's
usually housework related: you didn't do the dishes or you promised me you bring the garbage out
simple things like that and those are definitely areas where compromise is definitely necessary
Are you sure that's ok? Thank you!
Come in, take one. - I will allow myself to take one origami ball. Thank you.
Yes our office is close to here.
Here girl have more origami balls. - That's so kind thank you.
While shooting today I felt like I wanted to have some proper tea and there are some
really good tea stores here usually some very old ladies or gentlemen are owning tea stores
here those ones are best for buying tea don't buy them a supermarket so I could see a tea store and
I was like hey can we quickly have a look and they found actually a simple tea that you can put into
called pet bottles so you can actually brew that cold which right now in summer is great and the
staff was a lovely grand grandparents kind of aged old gentleman and his wife and they gave
me these ones here out of origami Japanese style origami they made some balls for playing kids
play with those and they handed me first one and then in the end three, which was so sweet that kind of
Japanese kindness and "omotenashi" like hospitality is one of the things I love so much about Japan
So guys compromise is the way forward in Japan is also a word called gaman which is sometimes
"to hold in your emotions" you don't need to throw everything at your partner especially the things
that later on you might regret and due to that if you kind of hold your feeling sometimes in a
little bit and if they do that for you too and try and create more peace and make each other
happy things might carry on for much much longer for example like the lovely couple with the tea
Who are still still together after many many many years ... so good luck for your future relationships I
hope this helped you and if you want to know more about life in Japan and such
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