Hi, my name is Paul Friedman. I founded The Marriage Foundation and the topic
today is something that we get a lot. We're separated, is it too late for us?
Can we still save our marriage? Can I save our marriage?
And the answer is always the same, it's yes but you can't save it just by
wanting to save it. You can't save it just by reading the book or getting a
hint or reading some article and some dumb magazine. You need to do proactively
exact certain steps that will work that are designed to work, designed
specifically for this, and I'll tell you right now, we sell a lot of our
books and sometimes people think, Oh, I have a shortcut I'll just take
the book. I'll get it." No, you won't and here's why you won't. Here's why you need
to take the course for men or the course for women depending on your gender it's
because the person who screwed up this marriage is you. Now, you can say, "Well,
it's them too." Sure, but it's you and you're the one who's looking to save it
so you're the only one that counts. You screwed up your marriage. Well okay, but
that's why I'm searching. What do I do to save it? If I give you a list of 30
things to do, the first thing you're going to do is cherry-pick from that
list and you go, "I can do this. I can do that," and you may miss the most important
thing that you have to do. Even if I tell you, this is the most important
thing. I've been doing this for over 20 years and I can tell you right now this
is the thing you have to do but it won't be enough. It's not just one thing
there's a number of things so my approach is very different from other
people. I begin with you in the course. In the book it's just laying out marriage
and it's telling you what works, what doesn't work and all of that but what I
have realized very early on is that you can't just change. Habits and
instincts control us so what I searched into this for a long time. In my past,
I wasn't just a divorce mediator. In the past, I'd been meditating and I've been
working on myself since the 70's so there are ways. You got to gain control over
your mind and so I've come up with like a real -- this way works method and it
works and it's in the course so you got to start with that. You got to get
stabilized, you got to get balanced, you got to bring yourself back in. You got to
know who you are -- it's doable. You're a human being. You have free will
that means a lot so I get you stable then you're able to do the things
necessary to bring your marriage back together. How often does it work? Most of
the time over 50%, way past 50%. Way back in the day, I
worked with one lady who was a college professor, one of the Ivy League schools
her husband was a tenured professor and he was having an affair with one of his
students, nice guy, right? And they moved into an apartment together and we would
talk on the phone once a week and we got her back together. It took almost a year
which is a long time but sometimes it takes a year, doesn't matter. She was
resolved, she loved him and she knew it was the wrong thing and she got him to
come home. So, you can do it too and I'm going to support you in any way I can.
We also have counselors that you could write into. They'll give you all the
help you can possibly ask for and they're candid. They're like me.
I don't know if that's good or bad but they won't BS you. You'll get the truth.
All right, that's it! Blessings to you, don't give up. Blessings to your spouse, do not
give up, and blessings to your family, don't give up.
Okay, thank you!