(bright music)
By all accounts, 2016 was a raging
garbage fire of a year
made bearable for short amounts of time
by great pieces of pop culture, specifically movies.
Now hopefully 2017 will be a better year,
but what about its films?
This year had some truly tremendous films,
but 2017 is already jam packed
with some tantalizing theatrical treats
that you need to cram into your eyeballs.
So on today's episode of The Dan Cave,
we're gazing into the future
to run down our most anticipated films of 2017.
The Red Turtle.
Is there a distinct lack of Studio Ghibli
in your life?
Well, The Red Turtle is here to fix it.
Michaël Dudok de Wit's fable about
a man who gets shipped wrecked on an island
isn't just a wordless masterpiece
that may or may not have made me cry
at the Toronto International Film Festival,
it's also produced by Studio Ghibli,
and will make you forever distrustful
of giant sea turtles.
You don't know what they're thinking.
You have no idea,
with their little flippers.
The Founder.
You like Michael Keaton, right?
You like french fries, right?
You like bio pics?
Well, if so, you're gonna love The Founder,
which tells the true story of
McDonald's founder Ray Kroc,
his burgeoning beef empire,
and the tragic assassination of Mayor McCheese
by the cowardly Hamburglar,
which is 100% a real thing
that definitely happened
and will definitely be in this movie.
The Lego Batman Movie.
Everything is awesome
when you're part of a team,
but everything is awesomer
when you're the goddamn Batman.
Will Arnett reprises his role
as the most self-absorbed, narcissistic version
of the Dark Knight we've ever seen.
And considering he's joined
by Michael Cera as Robin,
Rosario Dawson as Batgirl,
Ralph Voldemort Fiennes as Alfred,
Jenny Slate as Harley Quinn,
and Zach Galifianakis as The Joker,
it might be the funniest version
of the Dark Knight too.
OK, maybe not as funny as wash fu.
(laughs) Why did you film this?
John Wick: Chapter 2.
Keanu Reeves returns as everyone's
favorite vengeful dog owner
in a sequel to the 2014 cult classic.
Except this time around,
John Wick dies at the beginning,
and his new dog must assassinate his way
across New York City to take
his adorable, cuddly, furry vengeance.
Well, not really, but don't you kind of
want that to be true.
I mean, I know I do.
Get Out.
As part of Key and Peele,
Jordan Peele made millions of people
pee themselves with laughter.
With his directorial debut,
Jordan Peele will make millions of people
pee themselves in fear
with his new horror movie about race in America.
And one thing's for certain,
Jordan Peele hates you having clean pants.
A Cure for Wellness.
Let's face it,
we're never gonna get a BioShock movie.
We tried, Gore Verbinski tried his damnedest,
but it didn't happen.
But now Verbinski's taking his best ideas from that
for A Cure for Wellness.
The psychological thriller follows
a young executive played by Dane DeHaan,
who travels to the Swiss Alps
to find his company's CEO
at a weirdo wellness center,
only to have his sanity and his health questioned,
which is basically how I feel
every time I hear Jessica Chobot
talking about her weird
imported Korean beauty products
made from fish ghosts and powdered scorpions.
Jess, I don't know what that is,
and I'm not putting it on my goddamn face.
Logan.
If you watched that first Logan trailer
set to Johnny Cash's cover of Hurt,
and didn't think goddamn, I wanna see this movie,
then I don't even know you anymore.
Now, this is as close to an adaptation
of Old Man Logan that we're ever gonna get,
with some fun twists on the source material,
because legally they can't have Logan
clawing his way out of the Hulk's stomach.
I mean, they could do it with Blob,
but that poor bastard has suffered enough.
Now, long story short,
this movie is gonna rule.
And I'm calling it right now,
Professor X is just in his mind.
Calm your mind,
which I am in
because I died.
Kong: Skull Island.
Now look, when this movie was first announced,
I admittedly rolled my eyes
because honestly who needs another King Kong movie?
But then I saw the trailer
with its massive mega-fauna,
its kick ass action sequences,
smoldering shots of Hiddles McGriddles
looking like Indiana Jones,
and John C. Reilly as Doctor Steve
rule as Colonel Kurtz,
and now it's the only thing I want to see.
That, and I also wanna know,
what's the tiniest banana
that he could peel with those big ass monkey hands,
because, picture that.
Imagine like a tiny little banana.
That'd be adorable.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2.
I'm hooked on a feeling,
a feeling that Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
is gonna somehow be even better
than the first film.
Why, do you ask.
Three words, Kurt mother (bleep) Russell.
Did I ever expect to see Ego the Living Planet
on the big screen?
Hell no.
And neither did you.
And if you said you did, you're lying.
But now that planet is going full on Zeus,
Kurt Russell style,
fathering Star Lords all over the galaxy,
and my body is ready.
Wonder Woman.
After 75 years, it's about damn time
that Wonder Woman gets her own movie.
Sure, we got to watch our favorite
Amazonian watch some cool QuickTime trailers in BvS,
but everything I've seen from Wonder Woman so far
fills me with confidence
that this is gonna be the WWI
ass kicking-palooza I've been waiting for.
I mean, plus, did you guys see
that invisible jet?
No?
Well keep looking, it's right there.
Or maybe there.
No, actually, it's right there.
No, that's Chris Pine.
No, there it is.
This movie's gonna be so cool.
Spider-Man: Homecoming.
Fact, Spider-Man was the best part of Civil War.
Fact, Spider-Man is my favorite Marvel superhero.
Fact, the third time is the charm.
Now, all of this evidence points to
the undeniable truth that Spider-Man: Homecoming
is poised to be our best Spider-Man movie yet.
And the best part,
we don't have to watch Uncle Ben die again.
I mean, honestly, all he wanted to do
was sell the world his miniature balls.
His miniature balls, Peter!
I hope your wrestling was worth it.
Dunkirk.
Hey, what's your favorite military
evacuation of World War Two?
And who's your favorite brother of Jonathan Nolan?
If you said the Dunkirk Evacuation,
aka Operation Dynamo,
and Christopher Nolan,
then you're in luck
because Dunkirk combines both of those things
into one epic period piece package.
Plus it has that Kyle Hill from One Direction.
Win, win.
Baby Driver.
While at first I thought this was
Edgar Wright's continuation
of the amazing Baby's Day Out franchise,
it turns out it's Edgar Wright's
wholly original new movie,
which is still pretty cool.
It's about a young getaway driver
played by Ansel Elgort
who winds up in a bank robbery gone awry.
Will it have Simon Pegg and Nick Frost?
No, but will it have Kevin Spacey
as a crazed crime boss,
and Jamie Foxx as a murderous gangster named Bats?
You better believe it will.
Valerian.
The comic that inspired Star Wars
and The Fifth Element
is now getting turned into a movie
by The Fifth Element director himself, Luc Besson.
This movie looks like an absolutely bonkers
sci-fi adventure filled with odd ball aliens,
jaw dropping space ships,
and a pair of bad ass space time cops
kicking ass, taking names,
and going to a weird space cabaret staring Rihanna,
who I'm hoping is the secret descendant of Ruby Rhod
because, honestly, everything is connected.
Thor: Ragnarok.
Of all the characters in the Marvel Cinematic Universe,
Thor is maybe the most difficult to pull off
in a solo movie context
due to the sheer bombast and weirdness of it all.
I mean, you've got dudes with long hair
running around with hammers on rainbow bridges.
It sounds like someone's weird Mario Kart fan fiction.
Thankfully though, director Taika Waititi,
who made the amazing Hunt for the Wilderpeople
and What We do in the Shadows,
seems like he's got the goods to make
Thor and Hulk's intergalactic road trip
one of the best Marvel movies yet.
And, if nothing else,
he gave us Darryl.
Justice League.
Now, say what you will about Batman v Superman
and Suicide Squad,
but I'll be goddamned if I'm not pumped
to see the Justice League together on the big screen
for the first time.
After all, without the Justice League
we would never have The Avengers
in the first place.
Look it up or buy my book.
The clips they showed at Comic-Con
filled me with confidence about
DC's flagship super team,
and nothing's gonna convince me otherwise,
unless you're telling me
that we're not gonna get mullet Superman.
If you kill Superman,
you gotta give us the mullet.
That's how the story goes!
Star Wars: Episode Eight.
You know, that old chestnut.
That old, hey, we're all gonna see this, right?
OK, cool, that's what I thought, chestnut.
Also, let's talk about if Supreme Leader Snoke
is just three ewoks standing on each other's shoulders
in a trench coat.
And how about the fact that Max Rebo
is Rey's dad?
Yeah, think about that, Star Wars fans.
And that, my friends,
is just a sampling of the awesome films
coming your way in 2017.
But tell me, what are you looking forward
to seeing most?
What would you add to this list?
Let me know in the comments below.
And give me 2017 thumbs up
while you're there.
And be sure to like and subscribe
or else you might miss next week's show
when we talk about a Wiccan high schooler
who tries to hex a hunky jock
to fall in love with her,
only to wind up stranded in space,
alone by herself in Graviteen Witch.
Until next time, keep on diggin'.
Let's open up the old mail bag, shall we?
@jetpackpaul asks, "What's your go to RPG class?"
Great question.
I like being able to sneak around
and talk my way out of situations,
so I tend to gravitate towards rogues.
And if I'm playing D&D,
it's a dwarven rogue with a high acrobatic score
because I love the idea of a stocky little bastard
doing Cirque du Soleil moves.
(laughs)
Ah, so silly.
Look at him tumble.
@bossorlana asks, "On a scale of one to a zillion,
"how excited are you that Childish Gambino
"is the new Lando Calrissian?"
Huh, I'd have to go with very billion.
@haullucia asks, "What's the best burger place
"to go to?"
OK, they definitely don't have the best
burgers on earth,
but I always have a soft spot for
Mr. Bartley's Burgers in Harvard Square
because it reminds me of growing up
in the Boston area.
I'll know I've well and truly made it
when one day I get a burger named after me.
I don't want a tombstone, I want a burg.
Plus, they have bomb ass milkshakes,
which, you know, hey,
goes great with a burger.
But tell me, what's your favorite burger place
to go to?
Let me know in the comments below.
And I'll see you guys next time.