Just as every personality type has their own way of processing and navigating life,
every type has specific preferences when it comes to how they receive love from others. For the
‘extroverted-feeling’ INFJ in particular, knowing how they prefer to be loved can seem complicated,
but it all begins to make sense once they realize their proper love language
and how to communicate these needs to others. Welcome or welcome back PSYCH-O! Speaking of the
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Alright, let’s get right into the video starting with..
Number 1: Quality Time
Out of the 5 love languages theorized by successful author and couple’s counselor,
Dr. Gary Chapman, the INFJ personality type tends to hold 2 specific love languages close to their
hearts. The 5 love languages including: words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts,
acts of service, and physical touch all have their place in this type’s love standards. However,
when it comes to quality time, most INFJs seem to see that as the most fulfilling way of showing
them love. In fact, MBTI author Heidi Priebe conducted an online survey for each personality
type to decipher which acts of love are most suitable.. With ‘quality time’ taking the top
place at over 35% of INFJs choosing that as their most desirable love language. But is there an
explanation behind this considerably noticeable preference in comparison to the other 4?
Well, for the INFJ type in particular, quality time fills that innate craving for deep,
meaningful interactions with other people. Especially when it comes to romance and family
relations, spending quality and attentive time is a way for INFJs to feel important and in a way,
needed in that person’s life. Despite their introverted and socially-reluctant nature,
spending quality time with the ones they love calms their subconscious fear of opening
up only to be abandoned. It reassures them where the connection stands. This is mostly
because INFJs need time to feel others' energies consistently in order to feel properly connected.
Plus, INFJs are frequently misunderstood and tend to truly thrive when they get the sense that
someone finally “gets” them. Using quality time to dive deeper into their inner world, and maybe even
playing therapist here and there is an automatic brownie point in the INFJ’s book of love.
Number 2: Words Of Affirmation
With quality time taking the cake, the second love language that INFJs seem to value most comes in
the form of words of affirmation. Similar to their need to feel important in someone’s life, a key
component of the INFJs' love preference comes with feeling appreciated. And with a special connection
to metaphorical words and creative writing, there’s no better way to show an INFJ just
how amazing they are other than simply noticing, acknowledging and communicating that appreciation.
Whether they’re in need of a good pep talk to shake them out of their self-critical habits,
an acknowledged appreciation of their efforts, a cheeky compliment, or a simple ‘I love you’
can go a long way for this communicative type. On a deeper aspect, words of affirmation play
right into the INFJ’s cognitive functions as well. While quality time allows them the concentration
to process the connection on a deep level, words of affirmation allow their secondary extroverted
feeling function to easily conclude how the other person is feeling within the connection. This
takes the guessing game and mind work out of this constant curiosity they carry within connection.
Number 3: Physical Touch
The 3rd placed love language of this study resulted in physical touch. To some people with
this personality type who have yet to experience, probably can’t fathom the thought of letting
someone into their personal bubble. Empathetic and affectionate, the INFJ tends to hold a
considerably cautious nature around physical touch. To put it simply, for the average person,
INFJs will happily provide a listening ear, but will almost always draw the line at offering a
literal shoulder to cry on. They try to avoid even the simplest of physical engagements such
as a greeted hug or a friendly pat on the back, if they don’t know a person of a deep level. However,
when it comes to deep and valued relationships, especially those of a romantic nature, the INFJ
personality type may actually surprise themselves on just how much they value physical affection.
Behind closed doors, this softhearted type loves to be cuddled and cared for,
and more importantly they experience the level of bonding they require in a connection when
cuddling and caring for their romantic partner in return. Keep in mind, the key word here
is ‘behind closed doors’. We can talk for all INFJs when we say PDA is out of the question!
Number 4: Acts of Service
While this specific love language comes in 4th place of the INFJ’s most preferred,
acts of service tends to be this type’s preferred way of showing love over receiving it. Acts of
service come in the form of cooking, cleaning, proactive planning, running errands, and doing
the rather monotonous tasks of day-to-day life, so that another person doesn’t have to.
As FJ types, one of the main ways this observant personality interacts with the world around them
is by actively identifying and meeting the needs of others. While they don’t necessarily
strive for this people-pleasing attitude, there’s nothing that fulfills the INFJ’s
heart more than serving the appreciative people around them. In terms of a romantic connection,
this type will actually feel more intune with the connection when they are able to provide something
to their partner. However, like anyone, it’s nice to have the favor returned every once in a while.
Since the INFJ doesn’t reserve this auto-pilot need to serve others for only the people they
value, acts of service are even more-so appreciated when they find a connection
where there is an equal give and take of this energy. Someone they can both rely on,
and by relied upon without being taken advantage of for their ‘giving’ nature.
And last but not least in the case of some INFJs..
Number 5: Gifts
Coming in at last place with no surprise, is the love language of gift giving. With
sentimentality at the root of their loving connections, materialism holds little value
to the INFJ personality type. In fact, when it comes to romantic gifts, INFJ’s tend to prefer
a gift of a new experience where they can spend their much valued quality time with their partner.
Whether it’s trying a new cuisine, going to see a concert, trying a new sport, travel, or anything
in between. Making memories and fleeing their comfort zone with the support of another is far
more desirable than receiving a new designer purse or the newest Nike sneakers. This lack
of importance they place on materialistic gifts can actually cause some friction in connections
where physical gift-giving is the partner’s way of showing love. However, luckily, there
are exceptions to this disinterest in material things. The INFJ will only fully appreciate a
given gift under 3 conditions. 1) It was bought on a whim, because it made someone think of them. 2)
They’ve been talking about how useful an item would be in their lives. Or 3) They can sense
the excitement in the gift giver, which alone will give that item the sentimental value they require.
Well PSYCH-Os, that’s it for today.. So, which love language do you personally most relate to
as an INFJ personality type? Let us know in the comments below! Also, make sure to leave us a
like, share with your friends and also subscribe to our channel so that you never miss a video!