HARRY CHEADLE: When I said I wanted to be in a band, this
wasn't what I had in mind.
I pictured guitar solos and moshing, not waving around a
buzzing wand.
I'm a big fan of the rock and roll lifestyle, and loud angry
music in general.
But my problem was I didn't know how to play an
instrument.
So like a lot of ultra amateur musicians, I turned to the
avant garde electronica scene and called Wadih, my friend
from art school, and asked if I could join his experimental
band, US TM.
He said yes, and that's how I became a wandist.
My name is Harry, and I've been a loser
for most of my life.
I thought I was done with my awkward phase when Vice hired
me to write about politics, culture, and other important
world affairs, which should make me cool.
But it doesn't.
I'm still just a weird kid who creeps people out.
This is All Around Losing with Harry Cheadle.
[INAUDIBLE]
invited me to his studio to practice with the other
members of his band, Brian and Genevieve before we performed.
[RINGING]
Hey, it's Harry.
I'm here to be in the band.
[BUZZER]
It smells a lot like marijuana.
I don't know how to get in here.
BRIAN CARROLL: Who is it?
HARRY CHEADLE: Hey, it's Harry.
It's Harry.
When I got inside, there was an art school style dance
party going on that was really sexy.
I remember this kind of party from back in college.
I dusted off my old dance moves--
namely the dance move where I feel really uncomfortable in
my body and stand around hoping that nobody notices me,
or what I'm doing.
Finally it was time to play with the band.
So I walked back to the studio.
Before we began, Genevieve had to smear some junk on me.
It was spiritual.
What is this you're putting on my face?
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: This is going to to help open up
everything from your yoni up to your [INAUDIBLE]
chakra here.
It looks really good on you.
HARRY CHEADLE: Thank you.
I can't see it.
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: Today we're going to
teach you the wand.
So just think of that like a masculine creative force.
[INAUDIBLE]
You can also play with stopping.
HARRY CHEADLE: Oh.
It's nice you get a breeze, too.
It's a great way to cool off.
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: It is nice.
HARRY CHEADLE: And an instrument.
Since they're musicians, Wadih and his crew can be as weird
as they want.
They can dress like David Bowie dancers.
They can glue symbolic stickers onto your face.
They can even spray you with rose water
containing moth poop.
So when they hand you a buzzing child's toy and tell
you to dance with it, you dance with it, no
matter who's watching.
US TM turned out to be really popular band.
I felt like I was cooler and more important than the people
watching me, which I think is what being in a band
is really all about.
[INAUDIBLE]
fit in with the band.
I want to have the look.
I was wondering if you could take me shopping.
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: The whole look that we're working on
right now is retard Renaissance.
HARRY CHEADLE: Maybe we could go to a thrift store and you
could make me into a Renaissance retard?
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: Yes, I would love to do that.
HARRY CHEADLE: So you're going to make me look as beautiful
as you guys?
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: Yeah.
We can help you.
We just want you to find your inner--
HARRY CHEADLE: Retard?
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: By retard we mean your inner child, your
creative unabashed creativity.
HARRY CHEADLE: I want to look like I get laid.
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: Let's think chain mail.
Let's think--
HARRY CHEADLE: Like that thing?
WADIH SADER: Are these worn by man?
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: I don't know.
Cool.
HARRY CHEADLE: I feel like I looks like a cafeteria worker
with this cap.
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: Yeah, it's a little lunch lady.
HARRY CHEADLE: Like a lunch lady for a DD and SM club.
So thanks for all your help guys.
I think I got it sorted out.
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: I'm excited to
see what you choose.
It's going to be a transformation.
[PURRING]
HARRY CHEADLE: Would I be able to pull off the retard
Renaissance look?
Was I weird enough to be in a band like this?
Probably not.
But I was going to give it a shot later that night at a
poetry reading slash performance art thing that
young people with the beards and the
jewelery like to go to.
We just drank a pint of whisky in the loading dock.
So that's pretty rock and roll.
I got one more thing to wear, and I'm going to
join them in there.
Was this all an elaborate practical joke?
Why did I have to put all the stuff in my mouth?
GENEVIEVE BELLEVEAU: And roll your eyes up to the ceiling.
HARRY CHEADLE: Whisky chain mail or not, I
wasn't feeling confident.
Part of the wand had broken, and I wasn't sure it actually
made noise.
The audience seemed to be taking this really seriously.
Or maybe they were in on the joke.
So I tried to keep a straight face while waving the wand.
At this point, when Genevieve started sort of writhing on
the floor in her sparkly see-through outfit, and I ran
the wand over her, it felt like a combination of a little
kid playing doctor, and performance art.
But sexier.
[APPLAUSE]
HARRY CHEADLE: And then it was over.
It wasn't exactly a Springsteen show.
But no-one was laughing or making fun of us.
So I guess it went pretty well.
I learned a lot from performing.
That you don't actually need to play an
instrument to be in a band.
That should've been obvious.
You just need to wave something in
front of your face.
It doesn't really matter what you're doing as long
as you're on stage.
That's the most important thing, just be on stage.
And also dress weird.
Dress in chain mail.
TATIANA: I thought that was really cool.
It was also really sexy.
HARRY CHEADLE: Oh, yeah?
What part was the sexiest part of it.
TATIANA: Just like the undulating
base and the wah-wah.
HARRY CHEADLE: No one had ever called me sexy
or undulating before.
So that was a big step.
Who needs years of practice or training in an instrument?
It turns out all you need to be successful as a musician is
a sparkly wand.
I felt really empowered afterwards, and part of a
scene, just like Yoko Ono.
I was finally a cool band music playing guy, just like I
always wanted.
So, I told them, keep your chain mail on.
That's a stupid tagline.
All right, Jesus.