Thank you so much.
I love each and every single one of you.
But if I so much as hear a sniffle or a sneeze,
you're out of here.
Obviously all anybody is talking about is the coronavirus.
And as we know, it's important to stay home
if you're feeling sick.
This is totally unrelated to anything
but, Mary, how are you feeling?
Oh, my God, where is she?
She's not here today.
She's not here?
Home.
She's home.
She's not feeling well.
I knew she wasn't.
It was a whole bit I was doing.
I was pretending.
Yeah, she's feeling not well enough to be near me.
So that's why she's home.
Some people are home, some people
might even be quarantined.
I've been told that we are the number one TV show for people
under quarantine.
So thank you, everybody, thank you.
[APPLAUSE]
If you're not familiar with quarantine, it's 14 days.
You can't leave your house.
You have to blow into a tube every 12 hours.
And you have to wear a bracelet on your ankle.
I'm thinking of my time at house arrest.
If you're stuck at home, I thought
I could offer some ways to pass the time.
Of course, there's TV.
Lots of good things to watch on television.
Love Is Blind, have you been watching?
It's about people dating through pods, which is now looking
better and better really.
If this virus keeps going, that's
how we're dating from now on.
If you're into movies, there's a Fast
and the Furious movie for every day of your quarantine.
And when you make it to--
yeah, you make it to Hobbs & Shaw, you're free.
That joke's for people who have seen all the movies.
If you like games, I've got a boatload--
I shouldn't say boatload.
[LAUGHTER]
I have a lot of games.
I have a Heads Up!, where you can safely play six feet apart
from someone else.
There's Game of Games-- you can watch people play Blindfolded
Musical Chairs and Tastebuds, and you can see all the fun
that we used to have when we could still touch each other.
There's Ellentube, where you can take your mind off of things.
You can see so many fun things on Ellentube.
Like for instance, this video.
Why?
That was never a good idea.