It's hard to not miss the simpler times of reality TV, back when Newlyweds showcased
the lives of two young pop stars who were crazy in love — and seemed a little clueless
about the real world from time to time.
"Is this chicken, what I have?
Or is this fish.
I know it's tuna, but it says 'chicken.'"
*belch*
Fun times.
Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey divorced more than a decade ago and have since moved on
to make new families of their own, but remembering all of the good, goofy times of their honeymoon
docuseries, we have to wonder: What was really behind their split?
*belch*
Right, but besides that.
Here are some of the reasons the lovebirds' perfectly imperfect relationship fell apart.
Dukes of betrayal
Rumor has it, Simpson may not have been loyal during the pair's four-year marriage.
Jackass star Bam Margera reportedly told Howard Stern that he and Simpson had sex during the
filming of Dukes of Hazzard in 2005.
He told Stern he "wound up at her parent's house drinking margaritas and it went from
there" and that he left Simpson's house at eight the next morning.
Simpson denied the two ever hooked up, and Margera later apologized to her for the blurt.
But then Steve-O seemingly corroborated the story.
And the fact that she and Lachey called it quits so soon after the supposed rendezvous
certainly had people talking.
Of course, it's not like Jessica didn't constantly expose her own jealousies on the show...
"He didn't even say 'I'm leaving, walk down with me,' no, he's got two Pussycat Dolls
on his arm."
Lachey himself later admitted that he wasn't sure if his former wife ever cheated on him
but that his uncertainty about that fact wasn't the only reason they split.
Even so, trust was clearly not always at a premium between these two.
The dadager
Another factor that may have driven Nick and Jessica apart was the fact that Jessica's
father-slash-manager Joe Simpson reportedly never really warmed up to her blue-eyed hunk
during the course of their marriage.
Lachey himself indicated as much in a 2006 interview with Rolling Stone in which he declared,
"I don't pretend to understand Joe.
I don't know if he ever liked me.
To this day I couldn't say.
It was painful.
Do I think Joe drove a rift between us?
No.
Was he an influence in our marriage?
Absolutely."
So while Joe may not have single-handedly ended the marriage, his constant presence
definitely put on a strain on the young couple's relationship.
And Lachey certainly doesn't miss his former father-in-law either.
"The best thing about not having Joe Simpson anymore as a father-in-law is I don't have
to play grab-ass under the table on Easter Sunday."
98 degrees of discord
Jess and Nick also never really seemed to be on the same page when it came to starting
a family together.
Even so, after they divorced, Lachey told Jenny McCarthy on her Sirius XM show Dirty,
Sexy, Funny that he was ultimately happy he never had kids with Simpson, saying, "In our
situation, that was probably the best thing that could have ever happened that we didn't
have kids.
And look, you're always going to love your kids no matter how you feel about their other
parent, but all things being equal, it was the best thing probably for both of us that
we went on with our lives."
Bad investment
Another constant issue between Nick and Jessica during their marriage was the matter of their
finances.
Jessica reportedly made much more money than her husband, but he still constantly berated
her for her lavish taste, particularly when it came to costly clothing items.
"Anyone in their right mind would tell you that that's a little too much for bras and
panties.
Especially when you just want them to come off anyway."
After their marriage came to a close, however, it was Jessica who flipped the script and
started complaining about the cash aspect.
In 2015, when asked what her biggest money mistake was, she told CNBC's Closing Bell:
"The biggest money mistakes?
I don't know.
For some reason I thought of my first marriage!"
She was probably referring to the fact that her divorce from Lachey was quite costly,
as she had to pay him a cool $12 million in the settlement.
But who knows?
Maybe Nick was secretly a big spender.
Reality or reality TV?
Even though Nick and Jessica were the picture-perfect pair, Newlyweds definitely showcased some
of the major differences the two came to experience once they got married and moved in together.
"There was a lot that was revealed when we began living together.
He is very clean and he's a perfectionist."
According to Nick, though, the show kind of resulted in the pair playing their quirky
parts instead of enjoying an authentic new marriage together.
After their divorce, Lachey said in an interview with Rolling Stone that he and Simpson had
a hard time getting back to reality once the cameras weren't rolling.
The former boy bander said, "Jessica and I began playing these parts even when we were
by ourselves.
It became a really blurred line.
There was a question about what truly was our reality."
So having a new marriage taped for all the world to see isn't a great idea after all?
You don't say.
These boots are made for walking
Apparently Lachey didn't have much of a say when it came to the termination of his marriage.
He's since admitted that he was shocked when Simpson told him she was ready to pull the
plug on their union and that he asked her to "sleep on it," but she her mind was already
made up and wouldn't be changed.
Her attitude about him hasn't changed much since.
When Simpson was asked in 2015 how she'd feel about re-watching Newlyweds all over again,
she said bluntly, "I would have a panic attack."
So clearly those memories aren't happy ones, even if fans of the show wax nostalgic about
all the goofy goodness we got to watch unfold on-screen.
For what it's worth, Lachey seems to carry a similar sentiment as Simpson, too.
He recently said, "I've moved on, clearly she's moved on, and we've taken the kind of
attitude now, at least I have, where I'm just not going to talk about this anymore.
I mean, it's time for everyone to kind of move on and let that be a thing of the past."
Indeed, their short-lived marriage is now but a chapter in their personal history books
as she married former NFL player Eric Johnson, with whom she has two children.
Meanwhile Lachey married Vanessa Minnillo in 2011 and has three children with his second
wife.
But for fans of the Newlyweds, their televised marriage will always be something to look
back on fondly, no matter how problematic it might have been all the while.
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