Hi.
Hi, and welcome to the Ellen DeGeneres Show
- The Sweatpants Years.
Did you have a good weekend?
Or did you just realize that it's not the weekend anymore?
Did I just give you some news?
From what I saw on the news, it seemed like a lot more people
were going outside last week.
Here in Los Angeles they opened up
the beaches but not the parking lots or the boardwalks.
So if you want to hit the beach, bring
some sunscreen and a catapult. It's
about 30 feet from the street to the sand.
I don't know.
The beaches are open, but you can't park.
I don't know.
I guess if you live on the beach, that's
good news because a lot of people aren't -
Anyway, even though more places are opening up,
the experts are still recommending
that you only be with people from your own household.
That's very, very important, actually.
I'm lucky I've been able to spend
this quarantine with Portia.
We've been doing a lot of things together
during the quarantine that we've never done before,
like she's learning how to cook, and I'm learning
how to eat the food she cooks.
No, a lot of it's good.
Some of it's good.
Most of it's good.
Most of it is really good.
And then some of it is not as good as the other.
Some of it is not good at all.
But most is good.
I tried her food, and I think it's delicious.
That is a lie.
When did you try her food?
One of the days I came here she offered me a little something
that she cooked up for breakfast with tofu.
I thought it was delicious.
Oh, the Japanese breakfast?
Yeah.
That's what I had today.
Yeah.
That's a good one.
Yes.
Yeah, you had a good one.
Yeah.
Well, she's not going to serve you the stuff that's not good.
Yeah.
Some people are not going through quarantine
with a partner.
A lot of people are single.
And even though you can't really meet up
with somebody in person, that doesn't
mean that you have to stop looking
for that special someone.
There's really no better time to meet someone right now.
Think about it.
If you like the way someone looks,
they're only going to get more attractive once they can cut
their hair and buy some soap.
So if you're looking to date while you isolate,
I want to help.
I know this isn't for everyone, but for some of you
it may have reached the point where
it's important to start meeting new people,
so I came up with a list of six signs
that you might be ready to date during quarantine.
OK?
Here they are right here.
Six signs that you might be ready to date
during quarantine.
The last question you asked Alexa was,
"Do you have any plans tonight?"
Instead of eating the bread you're baking,
you're tucking it in next to you at night.
One of the things Netflix suggested
that you watch next is your biological clock.
Telemarketers have stopped calling because you
won't hang up on them.
You keep trying to swipe right on the people of your Zoom
meetings.
Most of your Google searches are for shirtless pictures of Jake
from State Farm.
Any of those things apply to you, it's time to get out there
except without getting out there.
If any of those things apply to you,
it's time to get out there without,
you know, getting out there.
Now, I know the dating can seem scary even
without the quarantine, so you don't
need to start right away on online dating.
You could always start with your roommate.
Personally, I've been in several relationships
with my roommates, at least that's what I told my mother.
That's a lesbian joke.
That's number one.
So if you're playing the lesbian joke drinking game at home,
it's time to drink.
If you're not, it's still time to drink.
It helps the jokes.
Now, if you're ready to do some online dating, some things that
will be different, of course, but then
there are a lot of things that'll be the same.
Short men pretending to be tall, tall women pretending
to be short.
Instead of being able to go out on a date,
you have to figure out a way to do it virtually.
One of the dating experts said, "If you're nervous,
you should start by FaceTiming each other but with the video
off."
Or as the rest of us used to call it - a phone call.
But I think a phone call can be great.
If it's not a match, you just cough a couple of times,
and you'll be amazed how quickly they hang up.
They think you might have the COVID.
Exactly.
If it turns out you meet someone you like,
then you can start doing virtual dates.
Here are a few suggestions for virtual dates.
You can read a book to each other.
Or you can try drawing each other.
Now here are the good suggestions.
You could send each other food delivery,
or you could have a theme dressed-up night.
That's a good one.
Theme dressed-up night.
You could pretend like it's the 90s.
Each of you can put on outfits.
It might give you an excuse to - you could lose that beard.
Something that I did in the 90s.
There you go.
That's the second lesbian joke.
Drink up.
Losing a beard.
Number two.
My point is why not try dating now?
We're all looking for a way to connect,
and I think that dating websites realize this too.
They've started making new commercials
about dating in quarantine.
This is one that I recently saw on match.com.
I'm nervous.
Hi.
That sounds forced.
Let's see how this goes.
Napa's only an hour drive away from -
I love Napa.
Hey, all you cool cats and kittens.
It's Carole at Big Cat Rescue.
Joe asked me if Travis could be in a relationship with us too.
I'm as gay as a three-dollar bill,
and I'm standing in a cage with five full-grown tigers
and lions.
Match.com.
It's a jungle out there.
Actually, maybe wait until after the quarantine to start
dating now that I see that.