-We don't always have enough time
to cover all of the recent news, so here to recap
is one of our writers, Amber Ruffin,
in a segment we call "Amber Says What."
[ Cheers and applause ]
-You guys, things have been crazy!
Okay, first of all, the midterms were last week,
and the whole nation was like, what?!
But then the red wave didn't come,
and we were like, what?
The whole thing was bananas.
Okay, so, Marjorie Taylor Greene won,
and I was like, what?
Then Stacey Abrams lost, and I was like, what?
And then the race between Raphael Warnock
and Herschel Walker was too close to call,
and I was like, wha-a-a-a-a-at?
For the first time, I was like,
maybe there is voter fraud,
because there is no way someone would want to give this man
an ounce of power.
If you put this man in charge of Georgia,
he's only gonna get it pregnant,
take it to another state, and get it an abortion.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, no! [ Gasps ]
I'm too late!
Ohh!
That's at least six months, right there.
And then even though she's the one who made him famous,
Oprah said to not vote for Dr. Oz,
and I was like [laughing] what?
Girl, she created him,
and then he lost his mind, so she had to stop him.
So, remember, don't call him Winfrey.
Call him Winfrey's monster.
[ Laughter ]
Then I found out that 25-year-old Maxwell Frost
got elected to Congress,
and I was like, "Go ahead, Gen Z, what-what!"
And he was like, "No one says what-what anymore."
And I was like, "Okay, dang, children."
Then I heard the GOP is turning away from Trump,
and I was like, what!
But then I found out that they're turning towards
Ron DeSantis, and I was like...what?
Ron DeSantis is the new face of the GOP?
Let me get this straight.
You went from this face
to this face?
You're bad at faces.
Then -- and this is real --
the United Nations Climate Change Conference
ran out of food and water.
[ Laughing ] I was like, what?
You know damn well that is too on the nose.
That is like a Taco Bell conference
running out of farts.
So then I learned that someone won $2 billion in the lottery,
and I was like, what?!
Man, if I won $2 billion, I would be out of here.
Between you and me, it's terrible here.
[ Laughter ]
My boss is so needy.
-Hey, that's not nice.
-Not you!
Seth, you're one cool dude.
-Aw, thank you.
[ Laughter ]
-[ Sighs ]
Then, the Astros won the World Series,
and I was like, what?!
You mean to tell me
the dog from "The Jetsons" won the World Series?
And then I found out that the Astros are a sports team.
Now, which sport -- that's none of my business.
So, then I read that a cruise ship docked in Sydney
had 800 people with COVID on it, and I was like, what?
Only 800?
A cruise ship without COVID
is like a Taco Bell without farts.
[ Laughter ]
Guys, I'm just kidding.
I love Taco Bell, and I can prove it.
[ Fart sound ]
[ Laughter ]
So then...
[ Laughter continues ]
-The script said "tiny fart noise."
[ Laughter ]
-But I had -- I had had too much Taco Bell,
so it became something different.
So, then I read that Elon Musk bought Twitter,
and I was like, "What?
This is gonna be bad!"
But then I read he was gonna make people pay
for blue check marks, and I was like, "What?
This is gonna be hilarious."
And sure enough, people bought blue checks,
and then they posed as famous people and companies and stuff.
It was great.
I saw a fake Nintendo account
tweet Mario giving the finger, and I was like, what?
Then I saw a fake O.J. Simpson account saying,
"Not gonna lie, I did that [bleep]"
[ Laughter ] I was like, what?
But then there was the best one of all.
This is the funniest thing I ever read.
Someone started a fake American Girl doll account
and posted the single best tweet of all time.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughing ] I saw that...
I saw that and I was like,
"That's what I have been saying!"
Little white children get these dolls and are like,
"Will the carriage bring me 'round to the ball?
Will I make friends at boarding school?"
And then a Black girl buys this doll, and it's like,
"Will I get caught and taken back to the plantation?"
[ Laughter ]
When it comes to American Girl dolls,
I have always been and forever will be
like, what?
Then I saw this clip of Kamala Harris.
-[ Laughs ]
-And I was like, what?
What are you -- what?
And then I saw this clip.
-Who doesn't love a yellow school bus, right?
Can you raise your hand if you love a yellow school bus, right?
Just -- there's something about the -- and most of us --
many of us went to school on the yellow school bus, right?
-And I was like, what?
Do you need some -- like, what?
Like, why is -- what?
But then I saw this.
-I love Venn diagrams.
[ Laughs ]
I really do. I love Venn diagrams.
It's just something about those three circles and the analysis
about where there is the intersection, right?
Yeah, I see people, and you agree with me, right?
-I was like, what?!
Why is no one trying to save her?
But then I remembered she said this.
-Under a Biden/Harris administration,
we will decriminalize the use of marijuana.
-And I was like, man, she's fine.
This has been "Amber Says What."
[ Cheers and applause ]