Conan O'Brien here pretty cool huh is
that cool so not obsessing Sony you and
I have been together how long over nine
years and I've been there during really
important moments in your life yeah
I'm told that you want to buy a new car
yes okay this is a big decision it is
I'd like to help you are you cool with
me helping you I mean yeah I'm sorry do
not trust my dick I I question your
judgment hi hi hey true story ladies and
gentlemen I was once really hungry after
a long shoot and then Sona was at the
office and I called her and I was headed
in and I said Sona what about lunch and
she said I'm okay I've eaten and hung up
before we buy you a new car yes we have
to look at your existing car this is a
2007 Volkswagen Jetta how many miles are
on this car there are a hundred and
sixty thousand miles on this car what
you had it tuned up I got my first
tune-up a week ago I didn't know I
didn't know that you had to get it
that's insane this thing is a deathtrap
but it still runs it's dope well well
when I stopped at a stop sign and it
started shaking really and then the
light for the engine started flashing
sometimes the light will come on and
then something will happen and then the
light turns off so I'm like it must just
it
[Applause]
you're a terrible car owner you have a
nickname for this I do this is white
lightning how is it white lightning it's
got a hundred and sixty thousand miles
in it I get shivers and it shakes why
don't you just call it sickle-cell
anemia that is a Glade plugin it it ran
out a while ago you know I guess it's a
dollar chip from the Bellagio in Las
Vegas
I just think why is this thing open it
doesn't close sometimes it closes but
old clothes for like three minutes and
then it'll open up again I could fix
this if you want
[Applause]
you're rolling deep three four of
coupons mostly Bed Bath & Beyond coupons
well they're like an old lady who does
this you a young woman like a coupon you
have a dollar chip from the Bellagio and
you have $600,000 you've got some a
coupe where do you get them they get
mailed to you check this out what
happened here stuff up here you can keep
magazines it's kind of helpful actually
look at that that storage space you
didn't even know about faded the Furious
that goes right in the old roof chamber
with it bad I would've bought you a new
car myself can you buy me a new car I
don't have access to your financial
information those reports are old I made
some unwise investments I bought a theme
restaurant it was a depression-era
burger stand
I bought some Arabian racehorses that
I'll have lupus but I can't go with you
to dealers because if people saw me they
freaked out they do it's like oh my god
I Beatles got back together and became
one person in its common like that's the
crash
I've been places with you yeah and it
gets pretty crazy no it doesn't it
doesn't get crazy at all I'm gonna find
you a new car but I can't go with you
let's do it online we can go on auto
trader let's go on an auto trader let's
do what the kids do I have a lot of
wisdom I do what do you you know you
know cars I do know cars that's a car
right there man women want to be with me
men want to be on top of me wanna be
with me let's pick out a car for you I
would really like to check out like a
Subaru well sure can you please don't
get a white car it looks like a thousand
birds on your car at once you can't
see this because the matches
the white that your car is well then you
realize your dreams Subaru foresters are
great yep that's a good car and it's
what's 23,500 and what's the Kelly Blue
Book price advisor oh wait it's Lexie a
little lower than what it's cool
no it's in the middle to the middle this
is a fine car but boring let's go
slightly out of your budget okay like
what let's look at Bugattis there we go
first one bank use 2010 how much is that
it's 2 million dollar nope it's 1
million
[Applause]
look at it you know what it runs on
liquid arrogance how about a Hummer
when you get a home it needs so much gas
yeah they make a model that only runs on
reinforced wood that's not true
okay good improv partner or with
contouring Sun is improv when we come
back well I'm in a candy shop yeah yeah
now okay I'm the famous detective
there's a white one which is the color
of your car
what's the price of that one seventy
three thousand dollars yeah what's the
Kelley Blue Book's
it says 49 thousand and fifty six what
that douche what seek what's this person
doing
he's the Hummer owner let's write this
person an email I just checked out the
Hummer you're selling and noticed that
you are asking over thirty thousand
dollars more than its Kelley Blue Book
value I am so excited cuz I grew up on a
stupid farm seeds
wait coming I think there's a word limit
okay we'll just take out the last three
words and then just say okay
cars under a thousand dollars under a
thousand dollars okay what's that
oh but kind of shooting in this shadow
this suspicious shadow look at that that
car is in the witness protection program
you know why they broke the handle don't
you oh that's a killing car this is the
murder car it's a murder car
it says Kelly Blue Book does not
consider this a car I think it's a good
costume with four wheels please get this
car I don't want this car
well congratulations I'm buying you this
car and I'm getting it to you on the air
yes you have to accept ladies and
gentlemen let's bring her out
son I'm obsessing everybody
thank you guys so uh are you excited
about your new car no I'm not we
actually we went and we bought this car
we agreed to pay $1,000 and then they
gave it to us for only $500 and now it's
yours I'm like Oprah this is incredible
here's your new car
[Applause]
isn't that cool look at his car it's all
yours
Herot why don't want to get inside
you're a jerk it's amazing what he
taught me you don't want to get it look
at this thing it's beautiful
this rubber stuff is curling and coming
up off the top it's amazing check out
your new car and I'm not really new
I will tell people who's on the show
tonight from Hotel Transylvania 3 summer
vacation Andy Samberg
[Applause]
look at all the stains hey personal
Netflix Rizal series now the comedian
Nicole Byer is on the show please go get
stores is on the program
Jimmy take it away
enjoy
[Applause]
you