I remember walking in to the hospice
and walking up the hallway
and walking into the room
and he was already gone.
And I just screamed.
Screamed of the not knowing.
How dare he do this to me?
Debra married Gary in 1985.
The couple had a seemingly perfect relationship
for ten years
But Gary was keeping a deadly secret.
I still call him a bastard for doing it,
Bastard who put us at risk.
Not only me, but his children.
How could he be so selfish?
Gary was having unsafe sex with men.
And had also at times used drugs intravenously.
Debra had no idea.
We were a married, suburban couple.
Three kids, doing everything I thought a normal surburban couple was.
I had no inkling at the time at all.
But all was to be revealed in 1995, when Gary fell ill with acute pneumonia.
They were testing for lots of things, and HIV was one of the things they were testing for.
And it came back positive, then I was tested and my children were tested.
All three children tested HIV negative, but Gary's secrets were unleashed.
And so too was the virus in Debra's bloodstream.
How?
I was so angry.
At him, at everything.
He's a shit.
Yeah.
Gary's pneumonia got worse, his immune system broke down and the HIV led to AIDS.
Despite her anger, Debra stood by Gary.
She nursed him for 11 months, until he died.
I just got on with it.
And also I needed my kids to know that they could never turn around and say to me,
Well why didn't you look after daddy?
He gave me three beautiful children.
I love him for that.
I always will love him for that.
But I hate him so much at the same time.
So much anger.
Debra's been living with HIV for almost two decades.
This is the first time she's sharing her story.
From word go, I've been on treatment.
I had a very good GP at the time who got me through the process.
I've been on treatment now for nearly 19 years.
No, I don't think I'll ever forgive him.
That's ...
No,
No.
At first, only gays and IV drug users were being killed by AIDS.
But now we know every one of us could be devastated by it.
Since the AIDS epidemic in the 80s, HIV has been most commonly associated with gay men.
HIV positive women have remained an almost invisible community.
I'm still very hesitant about talking.
There's still such a stigma with it.
But I'm sick of being ashamed by what I have.
I'm over that, 'HIV is a bad thing.'
I'm a normal mum, I'm a normal woman.
I'm just getting on with my life, and HIV is just a small part of my life.
Debra has just turned 50, and her health is better than ever before.
Much of that she says, she owes to this man.
I met Deb through mutual friends of ours.
We hit it off, and after the first night it was love, I guess.
So you know.
Her, her three kids and HIV. The whole lot, it was all a package
and I was willing to take that on.
Paul was just - I call him my country boy.
He's from a dairy farm.
Just very open and honest, and doesn't take shit from anyone and loves my kids.
I think anything to do with my children, would draw me to anyone.
Yep, and he was the one I got drawn to.
Paul and Debra met 12 months after Gary's death.
They've been together ever since.
Paul is HIV negative.
I'm not frightened of HIV.
I'm not frightened that Deb's got it.
I'm not frightened if I got it.
At the stage we're in, medically now, it is completely and utterly controllable.
So...
I have no fear about that, none.
Unexpectedly, just a few years into their relationship
Paul and Debra fell pregnant.
I wanted my baby.
It was a risk I was willing to take at the time/
and I knew it was such a low risk of infecting them.
I was willing to take it, I was willing to take it.
And carry on with whatever.
I don't think I'd like my life to be different.
I'm making sure that what I've been through everyone knows about it. And I'll keep going.
Debra and Paul now have a healthy 15-year-old son.
Oscar was born HIV negative.
I'm in a really good place, I want to see my children have children.
And be a grandmother, and ready to take on the world.
I'm here for a really long time.