- Today, we're talking about something we've never
seen on our show before-- and I thought I'd seen everything--
when one identical twin has a sex change.
We just met identical twins Brenda and Bonnie,
who are now Brenda and Aiden.
Aiden was Bonnie for 34 years until she underwent a gender
transformation and became he.
Do you no longer feel identical?
I feel absolutely identical.
OPRAH WINFREY: You still do? - Oh yeah.
I still do. OPRAH WINFREY: You still do?
- Mm-hmm. - Yeah.
OPRAH WINFREY: Uh-huh. Because--
It just looks a little different.
OK, it's identical that looks different.
OK.
What do you miss most, Brenda, about Bonnie?
Because on the tape, it was--
we could all feel your heart when you were saying,
I really miss Bonnie, and then you look and then there--
Yeah.
I-- when I think about how I miss
Bonnie, the real emotional trigger for me
is hearing the name Bonnie.
And I think what that goes back to is sort of a--
a primal emotional response of hearing the name Bonnie.
I-- I go back to being a kid.
I go back to that little girl stage.
And I liken it to when I'm--
when I'm really in an uncomfortable position or sad
and I get to a place where I say, I want my mommy,
I hear "Bonnie" and I have that same response.
And that's what chokes me up.
I-- I miss having the--
the perception of being a twin.
I miss how the world looked at the two of us
with a look of adoration and a look of love.
You know, we-- we experienced that.
Because do-- this is a good thing.
This is a good--
I'm telling myself it's a good question.
Good question.
I just had a question in my mind, I'm thinking,
oh, this is good, this question.
Do twins feel special?
Do you feel special as a twin?
You do. - Yes.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yeah.
And so your identity is as a twin.
Part of your identity is also tied to the other person's
identity when you are a twin.
Is that-- is that still true for you?
Yes.
And do you still see yourself that way?
Or is that what's got you confused?
I look at Aiden and I still see Bonnie.
Intellectually, I can sort of look back
and say, well, there's facial hair and there's sideburns.
But I still see Bonnie.
Do you?
[LAUGHTER]
Do you?
Yeah.
It's the same kind of deal, you know?
I mean, the changes are slow.
I see myself every day.
So it's still me.
It's only when I look at pictures and go, oh wow--
See, now this is what's so darn fascinating to me.
The discussion of the who is the me, who am I.
Because you are the same, but you're really not the same.
To the outside world, I'm not the same.
But to yourself, you are the same.
Yeah.
OPRAH WINFREY: So you still are Bonnie?
- In a way. - In a way.
Yeah.
Bonnie doesn't work with this work too well.
[LAUGHTER]
OK.
So really-- let me--
so the only thing that's really changed
is the outside that now fits what you felt on the inside.
I would say so.
Now it's fascinating to me because I always--
over the years, I've identified with so many issues
of my guests because, you know, I've been through a lot
and other people have been through a lot.
This is-- I can't get this.
I can't get what it feels like not to feel
like yourself in your body.
Can you explain that?
Like, I don't know--
I'm trying to figure out what does that-- when you say--
OK, I understand if you say, look, my sexuality is different
and so I'm attracted to women, and so now I
believe that I'm a lesbian.
OK, but to feel like I'm not only a lesbian,
but I should be a man, what does that feel like?
When I was nine years old, I had a situation where--
I think it was one of the moments I
had to wear a dress in church, between Sunday
school and church.
And I remember looking around at the adults,
and I saw what I would need to--
what my future held, which is that I would be expected to get
married and have children.
I didn't want to be a wife, and I didn't want to give birth.
So-- so when I came out as a lesbian,
that kind of fixed some of that for me.
OPRAH WINFREY: Right. You felt fine.
And when did that start to feel like now that's not enough?
Oh, I might've been about 31, 32, something like that.
And I'm trying to understand what does that now
feel like inside yourself.
You think, OK, I'm a lesbian, I'm living as a lesbian,
but it's not enough.
I now need to live as a man because--
What will be fulfilled by doing that?
It wasn't so much a choice of I need to live as a man
because life will change and be better or anything like that.
It was more of a what I see in the mirror doesn't
look like what I expect to see.
So when I hit puberty and started developing breasts,
it's like, what?
Go away.
[LAUGHTER]
It wasn't--
OK, this is interesting.
I'm telling myself again this is interesting.
What I mean is, I'm interested in this question.
Is your sexual preference the same?
So as a lesbian, you preferred women.
Now you're a man.
That changed.
You still are with women?
Yes.
I predominately partner or date women.
Predominantly, keyword.
Right.
My-- with the-- with the introduction
of different hormones or higher-- higher levels of it,
whatever, I noticed that I was also
getting attention from men that I'd
never received before as a man.
You were getting attention from men--
- From gay men - From gay men.
OK.
And so I found that I had a response.
I was attracted to them as well.
How can that be?
I don't know.
Because now you really--
you have the man's body.
You were a lesbian with--
with other women.
Right.
OPRAH WINFREY: Now you're a man.
Right.
Look like a man.
Hair in all those places.
And now you are attracted to men.
I'm just trying to understand it.
You--
[LAUGHTER]
I'm not-- really, I'm really trying to understand it, yeah.
What I would say is that hormones are powerful things,
and I think that I had a level of bisexuality before.
But I partner with women.
My intimate connections are with women, and they still are.
OK.
What is the biggest difference between living as a woman
and a man, do you think?
Eye contact.
You know, how long do I keep eye contact?
There's a certain place where it's
inappropriate as a man that's different than how
I did it before.
OPRAH WINFREY: Really?
I see a cute little baby.
Can I comment, oh, what a beautiful daughter you have?
That's not as OK anymore because people are
protective of their children.
From men more than they are from women, yeah.
Now you had a daughter, adopted a daughter as a lesbian.
Correct.
OPRAH WINFREY: And that daughter is now a teenager.
And what did that daughter think of this?
She had a hard time.
We had a brief conversation about it, and she said,
I don't want you to do that.
And I said, well, is it because you
think your mom will go away?
And she said, yeah.
And I said, I'm not going anywhere, sweetie.
So then what are you now to her?
Are you-- - Dad.
She calls me by my first name.
OK, she calls you by your first name.
Mm-hmm.
So you're not still mom to her?
No.