>>> Let me pull it out of my ass.
>>> Okay. I wrote this letter.
>>> I hope I don't get emotional or anything.
So, hold on. Let me just like chill out. Okay. Um...
>>> So yeah, I would read the letter now.
♪ [Theme Music] ♪
♪ [Melodic Music] ♪
>>> M and D. It's been a while since freshman year of
>>> Dear Mom. I wanted to write you a letter because
I have so many things to tell you, but my Korean
isn't good enough to communicate them fully
over the phone or on KakaoTalk.
>>> I'm writing to both of you, my aunt and uncle,
to share more about recent changes I've
been going through.
>>> Hi, Mom. For a long time, I guess I couldn't
even fathom telling you about my partner or my queerness.
>>> But I don't want to lie to you anymore.
So, after ten plus years, I want to do completely,
what I could not fully do back then. I'm gay. But that
does not mean I'm any different. I'm still your son.
>>> What I have not spoken about explicitly is that I
am transgender. Being transgender for me simply
means I was born in a female body, but my energy
>>> It hurt me when you asked if my transness was
born out of raising me on your own. I reflexively said
no because I didn't want you to blame yourself.
>>> You were at first of the disposition that being
LGBT is a lifestyle choice and a face, but you quickly
figured out it's not going away and more importantly
that I'm still that silly goofy child of yours.
>>> I know I promised you that I would be straight,
but I'm sorry to say that I cannot be and God knows
I tried after all of that.
>>> I hope you can understand that I chose to stay alive as
a femme, but I did not choose the hardships that come with it.
>>> Whenever anyone says that your parents must be
proud of you, I think about this one thing my gayness
because if you knew I felt it would negate it all.
>>> I felt like asking for another sacrifice,
and that's all the ones you and Dad made all these years.
It felt unfair for me to do that.
>>> I quietly suffered for a while, especially that
next year. I almost even felt like killing myself.
>>> I didn't think you'd understand but also mostly
because I was scared.
>>> Mom, I think that maybe the ultimate point
of connection between us that we are two lonely
people who have struggled to communicate to the
other how alone we feel.
>>> I'm not trying to rip the family apart.
It's also not anything you did. It's not anything anyone did.
>>> Single motherhood does not feminized boys any
more than fatherhood masculinize has them.
>>> It wasn't because I watched "Rent". It's not a
psychological thing either. That stuff is outdated and not true.
>>> I'm not gay because of the food you fed me when I
was growing up. I'm not gay because of the
medicine you gave me when I was sick.
>>> It is just who I am.
>>> Dad always said I could do and be whatever I want
as long as I'm happy, I do it well, and I don't harm others.
We silently agreed this was one of those things.
>>> I'm really excited to have and happy to have
made this decision to be true to myself and be my
most authentic self, and although my parents bring
me great sadness, I am taking care of myself,
and I'm taking time to heal.
>>> Over time, I hope you'll learn more about
what it means to be gay and why it is something
that we can celebrate instead of being ashamed
or afraid of, but I know you're not there yet,
I know you're not ready.
>>> I don't tell you enough that I am incredibly grateful
to you for what you have done what mothers of other trans
girls have often failed to do and making sure I have
space to grow, contract, and expand. I'm committed to
our relationship, and I'm hoping you'll continue with me.
>>> I'm always willing to talk about this. Just ask.
I hope you'll be able to still love me now as much
as on any regular day.
>>> I don't want to lie to myself or you or try to
keep up an act of pretending I'm a perfect
one-dimensional person; good, bad, ugly, beautiful,
it's all me. I didn't realize I was going to get so emotional
reading that. Okay, I'm good.
♪ [Melodic Music] ♪