>> ACCORDING TO REPORTS, ESPN EXECUTIVES ARE SCRAMBLING TO
FIGURE OUT PROGRAMMING WITHOUT LIVE SPORTS, FORCING THEM TO
FIND "REPLACEMENT PROGRAMMING FOR THE GAMES THAT WON'T BE
HAPPENING."
>> AT ESPN, WE KNOW THE SPORTS YOU LOVE HAVE BEEN SHUT DOWN
INDEFINITELY.
BUT NO WORRIES, BECAUSE ESPN STILL HAS A TON OF GREAT SPORTS
PROGRAMMING.
AT 1:00, IT'S STREET SNOWBOARDING.
FOLLOWED BY LAZY PARKOUR.
THEN IT'S SOLITARY HILL ROLLING.
AND WE'RE JUST GETTING STARTED!
AT 4:00, ESPN BRINGS YOU OLD MAN HIDE-AND-SEEK.
AT 5:00, IT'S THE REGIONAL SOAP OPERA SLAPPING FINALS.
THEN AT 6:00, IT'S THE FIRST-TIME WATER SKIER
INVITATIONAL.
AND OUR PRIME-TIME LINEUP IS JUST AS STRONG, STARTING WITH
DIVORCED DAD CALISTHENICS.
FOLLOWED BY ON-LAND SANTA RAFTING, THE WESTMINSTER
BANANA-ON-DOG SHOW.
AND FINALLY, AT 10:00, THE BEST OF OLD MAN HIDE-AND-SEEK.
ESPN: WE'VE BOLDLY LOOSENED OUR DEFINITION OF SPORT.
>> I NEVER THOUGHT I'D SAY THIS, BUT I MISS BASEBALL.
( CRYING ) >> IT'S "A LATE SHOW WITH
STEPHEN COLBERT."