Hey, I'm dunk
I'm not so dunk
and we're the
Game Dunks
[GUNSHOT]
Actually, it's just one dunk
So before Halo 4 comes out in November,
and Halo 5 the following month,
I thought I should just recap the story to the whole series for you guys
So first, we got- we got Halo 1
Then Halo Anniversary which comes out a year later, all right
Then Halo 2
Two Halos
Then Halo Wars, because the two Halos go to war with each other
Then, Halo Reach
Halo 3
comes out as many game on disk downloadable content
If you download the skin pack for sergeant Dude,
You get to play the bonus OSDT- ABCDEF
And then Halo 4 takes place
And then 20 years later in the storyline,
Halo Pinball
Halo 1: Killing Evolves begins with you on the Calendar of August
Which is a big space pillar in the outer rim
You play as Master Chef who has awoken from his eternal slumber
To kill all the convenience store's aliens
And then Sergeant Dude is like
"Man Master Chief,
All these aliens, man,
Man it's like space World War 2, man!"
Then Captain Keyes is all like
"It's dangerous to go alone, take this."
Gives you the best gun ever made.
Looks like this calendar is for last year. We're gonna have to shoot our way out!
Come on soldier, let's go
BLAOH
And then the escape pod shoots out into space stars
and this convenience store dude sees it and he's like
"Wait, there's no life forms down there."
"There's just robots."
Then they landed on a giant circle
But nobody put their seatbelt on
Except for Robocop
So he comes out and says
"For no seatbelt you will be fined twenty dollars,
here's your ticket, I am the law."
And then space command tells Iron Chef that he's gotta drive his pig-car into a cave formation
But once he's in there, he realizes it's not natural at all
Which becomes a deep inner conflict for him because he only uses organic ingredients in his meals
And then the pelican picks up robot man. It's a pelican ship, so he's like:
PEEEEEEEH-lican! EEEEEK!!!
And then it's night-night time
But Master Chef runs into a big spaceship and he goes:
"Ohhh nooo."
And then they find a big suck-up and they go:
"WA-HOO!"
"YEAAAH, WAH-HAH-HAH!"
"PEEEEEEEH-lican! EEEEEK!!!
And then they do some stupid stuff on a purple spaceship
And the big bazookas come out and the guy's like:
"Don't worry I'll just hit 'em with the whole ship!"
BAAAAHNK
And then- and then- and then-
PPEEEEHHH--
And then they have a beach --
BLAAAAAAAAAAST
And then you're on some bridge that's a winter wonderland--
You know, this game stopped making sense- any sense about two hours ago,
it- it's getting pretty stupid actually
This game is a mastapeece of video games!
Now we're in the Jungle Book.
I stopped asking questions a long time ago.
Green bot takes the falcon chip out of this helmet and puts it in his own head,
And that's how robots watch movies.
Hey look, it's Sergeant Dude!
"Hey Masta Chef! It's me, Sergeant Dude! I'm in the movie!
Aw shit, what the hell are these bugs and shit?!
The retarded-ass convenience-store aliens musta let out the Flood minions!
HUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH"
An abrupt ending only highlight's Sergeant Dude's less-than-stellar performance.
I give Flood Rises a 2/5.
Then you find another robot guy, Evil Zerk,
and Mister Chief is like:
"You're not evil right?"
Evil Zerk is like:
"Nahman. I ain't evil. I'm a good guy."
So then you follow this little stupid circle around
while shooting the Flood guys that are made out of paper.
Then you just travel around the entire Halo like a million times,
killing every alien who ever lived like a BILLION times,
until you get to this part, and Cortana's like:
"You know I can just teleport you, right?"
"Man. I knew that."
Then you kill another trillion goblins,
because she teleported you into the stupidest spot ever,
and finally you find Captain Keyes but it's too late.
He's already the Flood King.
(HAH HAH HAH.) "You know why they call me Captain Keyes, Mr. Green?"
"Because only I have the keys to Halo."
Then Halo punches him in the face and steals his keys
so now HE'S the Burger King
*Dunkey hums a triumphant theme*
Finally, you board the old-ass Calender of August, and Chef's like:
"Man, I haven't been on here since January."
Then Evil Zerk turns around in a real sinister voice and is like:
"Heh-heh-heh, I WAS EVIL THE WHOLE TIME!"
"Man. I knew that."
"And now I'm gonna blow up everything that exists ever with my HALO MACHINE"
Not today, Zerk!
Green Power Ranger blows up all the blower-upper-reactor-cores
but OH SHEEEEEIT
you activated the self-destruct.
oh sheeeeeeeeyiiiiiiit.
Everything starts blowing up to hellfuck and you gotta get on a turbo-oinker
and get the FUCK outta there
and the music starts going
*Dunkey begins to hum along to the Halo Theme, a very triumphant score that inspires courage in the hearts of all who hear it, though he's a little off-rhythm and off-key but that's okay because at least he tried god bless his heart*
Sergeant Dude is like:
"Man, we gonna fuckin' die."
*Dunkey continues to hum along to the Halo theme*
GET ON THE FUCKING PELICAN
EEEEEEKKK!!!!
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHHHH
NHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
ssssshhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
wooooooooooo
"Not even close, bay-beeee."