we all have our uh obsessions that are
can seem random you know i have
obsessions
with you know presidential uh arcane
knowledge
and weird historical facts i have a lot
of other obsessions as well
we don't have to get into all that now
your obsession
uh is of obscure sodas
obscure like soda pop
that is very difficult to find so
we're not talking about your a w root
beer we're not talking about
coca-colas and things like that we're
not even talking about um
mountain dew or anything like that we're
talking about sodas that most people
haven't heard of
yeah yeah i stopped drinking 20 years
ago and i got addicted to soda instead
and there's some great ones out there um
mr cucumber is probably my favorite
that's what are you talking about
there's one called mr cucumber
it's spelled mister and then q cumber
and it's absolutely if you taste this
stuff you're gonna go i don't need to
drink anything else in my entire life
this cucumber flavored soda is nailing
it it's the best
where do you work in one procure mr
cucumber
nowhere in the northeast really which is
unfortunate to me i have to drive this
almost to albany is the nearest store i
know if that has it i live in new jersey
it's like a three and a half hour drive
i can't order it on the internet in la
there's a store called galco's that has
every great soda they're amazing
the one i've never had that even they
don't have is
there's this drink it's not actually a
soda it's called delaware punch it's
it's not
carbonated but it's very rare and it was
it started in 1913 it got super super
popular and coke bought it shut it down
they would do that shut down their
competitors
right and uh i found it they still make
it in a couple counties in louisiana
because it was really popular there i
was doing shows in new orleans i walked
around in the new orleans humidity heat
all day spent hours going different
stores finally found it drank it
did not like it i did not find it good
but what a sad quest it ends with no i
really don't like this why don't you
like
what is it called delaware delaware
punch delaware punch
it was very syrupy i found it very
syrupy but that's not even the saddest
part
the saddest part is i later found out
that the
stuff you can find america in america
it's not the right it's not the original
formula
the original formula had a type of food
coloring that has since been
outlawed by the fda so then i was
researching it more
and i found out that there's a bottling
plant in guatemala
that still uses the original food
coloring so
before covid i legitimately was planning
to fly to guatemala
just to track down a bottle of this
stuff
which i want to be clear is a drink i
already know
i do not like i'm just that much of a
completist
that i felt like i had to have it
food coloring will not affect the taste
only the color
maybe so rate this for me what is the
bigger waste of your life
a lot of time on lawn maintenance that
gets you
only a half decent lawn or quests
to find and track down worldwide sodas
that you don't like
i mean what a question what an
eye-opening and revealing question that
illuminates everything about my
priorities why my career has headed in
the direction it has
so many things why i'm plagued with a uh
just an
uh a sense of low level loneliness that
never leaves me all these things are
becoming very clear yeah
i think you just added a pulitzer to
that peabody yeah
no no trust me um i'm submitting this
interview for every award that's out
there
every award yeah uh every single award
we're going to get a latin grammy for
this emmy
i promise you cannot wait yeah i cannot
wait very exciting
yeah it's hard to say it's hard to say
which is a bigger waste of time
um and i i i kind of feel like i need to
pass on the answer because if i analyze
it too much more i'm gonna get
so sad yeah yeah and you're alone right
now and you're in this
beautiful new england home that's been
misplaced in new jersey so i don't want
you to be
sad um let's what is your favorite
uh of the conventional sodas that i
could get
right now i'm in los angeles in an
abandoned theater but that i could get
what's your favorite of the conventional
sodas so that
do you like anything that's that someone
could buy
yeah yeah i do like mountain dew i like
wild cherry pepsi i think it's become
much easier to find mexican coke now yes
and it has
cane sugar instead it has cane sugar and
real cocaine in it
it does it's it has a load of cocaine it
gets you really hopped up and then yeah
also if you wait um until passover if
you ever see coca-cola with a yellow cap
that has cane sugar so that's a fun
i think that's a it doesn't seem like
you're finding as much fun in that
as i am no no i'm i i respect
uh the the laws of the orthodox jewish
people
yeah and and that they need so no i
would never
i i i just was solemnly nodding that i'm
glad
i i feel like you're not sharing my
giddy excitement though and that
there's like i think if you and i over
coke if you and i are giddy at the same
time it's too much raw energy
so we need to keep it at this level
right here that's why