( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) FOLKS, I AM SO EXCITED BECAUSE I
GOT TO GO TO NEW ZEALAND A FEW WEEKS AGO AND STARTING TONIGHT I
GET TO SHARE THAT TRIP WITH YOU IN OUR SPECIAL WEEK-LONG SERIES,
>> Announcer: THE "LATE SHOW" WITH STEPHEN COLBERT PRESENTS
"THE NEWEST ZEALANDER"!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: ALL I COULD THINK
OF IS I WISHED EVERYBODY COULD COME WITH US.
SO WE DECIDED TO FILM IT.
NEW ZEALAND IS ONE OF THE GREATEST PLACES ON EARTH.
THE PEOPLE ARE INCREDIBLE, THE LANDSCAPES ARE ABSOLUTELY
BREATH-TAKING, IT'S HOME TO BOTH LORDE AND THE "LORD OF THE
RINGS."
( LAUGHTER ) AND, FUN FACT: THERE ARE
NO PREDATORS IN THE WHOLE COUNTRY, INCLUDING NO SNAKES.
WHICH MEANS, DOWN THERE, ADAM AND EVE WERE TEMPTED BY A
SMEAGOL.
( LAUGHTER ) I'M ALSO A HUGE ADMIRER OF NEW
ZEALAND PRIME MINSTER AND, I'M GOING TO SAY, PERSONAL FRIEND
JACINDA ARDERN.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO.
>> Jon: THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.
>> Stephen: IN 2017, SHE TOOK OFFICE AS ONE OF THE WORLD'S
YOUNGEST LEADERS AT THE AGE OF 37 AND,
SINCE THEN, SHE'S ENACTED A GROUNDBREAKING FAMILY LEAVE
POLICY, BECAME THE FIRST HEAD OF STATE TO BRING THEIR BABY TO THE
FLOOR OF THE U.N., AND AFTER THE TRAGIC SHOOTING AT A MOSQUE IN
CHRISTCHURCH, SHE CALLED FOR LEGISLATION TO BAN
SEMI-AUTOMATIC WEAPONS.
AND GOT IT PASSED WITHIN ONE MONTH.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) NOW, PRIME MINISTER ARDERN, I'M
HAPPY TO SAY, SHE'S COME ON THE SHOW A COUPLE
TIMES NOW, AND INVITED ME TO VISIT NEW ZEALAND BOTH TIMES.
THE SECOND TIME, SHE SAID, SHE'D PICK ME UP AT THE AIRPORT!
SO I GOT ON A PLANE TO SEE IF SHE MEANT IT.
AFTER 16 AND A HALF HOURS, I ARRIVED AT NEW ZEALAND'S
AUCKLAND AIRPORT, WHERE I WAITED FOR PRIME MINISTER JACINDA
ARDERN TO FULFILL HER PART OF THE BARGAIN.
HI!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THANK YOU.
( LAUGHTER ) >> WELCOME.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
SO EXCITED TO BE HERE.
>> OH, WE'RE PLEASED TO HAVE YOU.
>> Stephen: I'M SO AMAZED, YOU KNOW, THAT YOU CAME TO PICK ME
UP.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> NO, IT'S NOT PARTICULARLY EXTRAORDINARY AT ALL.
I STILL DO THE AIRPORT RUN.
>> Stephen: I HOPE I'M NOT CUTTING INTO EXECUTIVE TIME.
>> I'M A WOMAN, I MULTI-TASK, SO DON'T WORRY.
>> Stephen: IF YOU NEED TO TWEET AT ANY MOMENT, I'M HAPPY
TO HOLD THE WHEEL OR I CAN TWEET FOR YOU.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE YOUR PHONE WITH YOU?
>> I DO, I DO.
>> Stephen: COULD I LOOK?
IS THIS IT?
IS THIS YOU?
>> YEAH, THAT'S MY PHONE.
YEAH.
>> Stephen: LET'S LOOK AT THE BABY!
I'M NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING.
I JUST PROMISED YOU.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: COULD YOU UNLOCK THAT?
IS IT FACIAL RECOGNITION?
>> IT IS NOT.
>> Stephen: IT'S NOT FACIAL RECOGNITION?
IT'S NOT?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: ONE QUICK RULE, DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT SINGING
ALONG WITH THE RADIO, IF A SONG COMES ON THAT YOU LIKE, BECAUSE
THAT IS JAMES CORDEN'S THING, AND THAT GUY IS MOBBED UP WITH
LAWYERS AND HE WILL COME AFTER US WITH A SHARP STICK.
>> NO SING ALONG?
>> Stephen: NO SING ALONG.
♪ GALILEO ♪ ♪ I'M JUST A POOR BOY, NOBODY
LOVES EH ME ♪ ♪ HE'S JUST A POOR BOY WITH A
POOR FAMILY ♪ ♪ SPARE HIS LIFE FROM THIS
MONSTROSITY ♪ WHAT'S THE BIRTHDAY?
>> TWENTY-FIRST OF JUNE.
>> Stephen: THAT'S NOT BAD.
NO.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OKAY, SO,
SERIOUSLY, WE'RE SITTING HERE, DON'T TELL ME, JUST UNLOCK IT.
I JUST WANT TO SEE -- >> NO.
>> Stephen: I'M NOT GOING TO CALL ANYBODY.
COME ON.
>> NO.
DEFINITELY NOT.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE NO FUN.
DO YOU KNOW THEM?
>> NO, NO, I DO NOT.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: HOW ARE YOU GUYS?
I RECOGNIZE YOU.
>> Stephen: HER OR ME?
JACINDA.
>> Stephen: OH, OKAY.
SEE YA.
( APPLAUSE ) IT'S NOT MY CODE.
I USED MY CODE, THAT DIDN'T WORK.
>> HOW MANY MORE TRIES HAVE YOU GOT LEFT THERE?
>> Stephen: OH, ( BLEEP )!
THAT PHONE IS DISABLED.
( APPLAUSE ) WE PULLED UP TO HER SUBURBAN
AUCKLAND HOME AND AS SOON AS WE SAT DOWN I GOT STRAIGHT TO MY
AGENDA.
MY FIRST QUESTION IS, CAN I BE A CITIZEN?
>> STRAIGHT OFF THE BAT.
>> Stephen: I HAVE ONLY BEEN HERE FOR ABOUT FOUR HOURS AND
I'M ALREADY HAVING SEPARATION ANXIETY KNOWING I'M GOING TO
HAVE TO LEAVE HERE IN A WEEK.
>> THAT'S EXACTLY HOW WE LIKE TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL.
>> Stephen: WHAT'S THE POPULATION OF NEW ZEALAND?
>> WE'RE GETTING CLOSE TO 5 MILLION.
>> Stephen: AND 4.6 MILLION WERE EXTRAS IN "THE LORD OF THE
RINGS."
( LAUGHTER ) IS IT TRUE YOU AUDITIONED TO BE
IN "THE LORD OF THE RINGS"?
>> YES.
>> Stephen: AND YOU DIDN'T GET CAST?
>> I DID NOT GET CAST, YEAH.
>> Stephen: DOES PETER JACKSON KNOW THAT HE DIDN'T CAST THE
PRIME MINISTER OF NEW ZEALAND?
>> I DON'T KNOW IF I'VE EVER HAD THAT CONVERSATION WITH HIM.
>> Stephen: DO YOU GUYS HAVE TAX AUDITS HERE?
>> WE DO.
>> Stephen: COULD YOU SICK THE TAX AUDITORS ON HIM?
>> THAT IS INDEPENDENT.
>> Stephen: IT IS IN THE UNITED STATES, TOO.
OH, TOTALLY INDEPENDENT, I GET IT.
>> ACTUALLY.
>> Stephen: ACTUALLY.
OH, I GET IT.
( LAUGHTER ) TOTALLY GET IT.
YOU'RE VERY POLITE.
>> YES, POLITE.
>> Stephen: WHO'S MORE POLITE, YOU OR THE CANADIANS?
>> THERE ARE PROBABLY SIMILARITIES.
>> Stephen: THAT WAS POLITE.
THE CANADIAN WILL GO WE'RE MORE POLITE WHICH MEANS YOU'RE MORE
POLITE.
>> I CAN SAY THAT.
>> Stephen: I'M AMERICAN, WE CAN SAY ANYTHING WE WANT.
( LAUGHTER ) IS NEW ZEALAND THE FIRST COUNTRY
TO GIVE ALL WOMEN THE VOTE BUT THE FACT THERE ARE NO SNAKES
HERE THAT'S THE BEST THING?
>> WE LIKELY UNDERPLAY THE SNAKES, BUT GIVING WOMEN THE
VOTE.
>> Stephen: SO REALLY NO SNAKES?
>> WE HAVE FOOD HERE AS WELL.
>> Stephen: THERE ARE REALLY NO SNAKES?
>> NO SNAKES.
>> Stephen: I'M SORRY, DID YOU WANT PEANUT BRITTLE?
>> I'M FINE, BUT THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: LET ME KNOW IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU RECENTLY GOT ENGAGED TO YOUR PARTNER CLARK.
( DING ) WHEN IS THE WEDDING.
>> WE HAVEN'T PLANNED ANYTHING.
>> Stephen: DO YOU NEED A AN OFFICIENT BECAUSE I'VE MARRIED
PEOPLE BEFORE.
>> THAT WOULD BE COOL.
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF IT?
>> (INAUDIBLE).
>> Stephen: LET'S TALK -- HE HATES THE IDEA.
>> HONEST TO A FAULT.
>> Stephen: YOU'RE RUNNING FOR REELECTION IN 2020.
>> I AM.
>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE AN ELECTORAL COLLEGE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: WOULD YOU LIKE OURS?
>> I LIKE OURS.
>> Stephen: WHEN IS THE NEXT ELECTION?
>> I HAVEN'T SET IT YET.
>> Stephen: YOU GET TO SET THE ELECTION?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: HOW IS THAT RIGHT?
IT'S A LITTLE UNFAIR.
>> Stephen: CALL IT NOW.
HOW COOL WOULD IT BE IF YOU CALLED THE ELECTION RIGHT NOW ON
TV.
>> ARE YOU DOING, LIKE, A TRUTH OR DARE?
>> Stephen: DO IT.
JUST DARING ME TO CALL AN ELECTION?
>> Stephen: DO IT.
( CLUCKING LIKE A CHICKEN ) >> I'M YOUNG BUT I'M NOT 12.
( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: I HAVE A CAMPAIGN
SLOGAN FOR YOU.
MY FAVORITE, ARDEN 2020, NEW ZEALAND, SAME PRIME
MINISTER.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
THIS IS A WINNER, RIGHT?
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: IF YOU'RE PRIME MINISTER, DOES THAT MEAN YOU'RE
ALSO PRESIDENT?
IS THAT BUNDLED IN THERE?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: IS THERE A PRESIDENT IN NEW ZEALAND?
>> NO.
>> Stephen: SO YOU COULD FLOAT MY NAME?
( LAUGHTER ) >> I THINK PROBABLY CITIZENSHIP
WOULD BE -- >> Stephen: AND THAT'S WHY I
ASKED.
>> THAT'S WHY YOU ACCOUNT.
YOU HAVE A WHOLE CAREER PATH HERE.
>> Stephen: I'D LIKE TO BE A CITIZEN BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO HERE.
>> IS THAT A PATHWAY, TELEVISION.
>> Stephen: TO PRESIDENT?
YEAH.
>> Stephen: RECENTLY IN THE UNITED STATES IT IS THE
PRESIDENT.
FIRST HAVE A TELEVISION SHOW AND THEN STRAIGHT TO PRESIDENT.
>> OKAY.
>> Stephen: I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT THE AFTERMATH OF THE
CHRISTCHURCH SHOOTINGS.
>> MMM...
>> Stephen: YOU MIDDLE EAST PASSED GUN REFORM BANNING ALL
MILITARY-STYLE ASSAULT RIFLES.
THAT WAS INSPIRING TO THOSE OF US WHO LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES
WHO DEAL WITH GUN VIOLENCE.
HOW DID YOU DO IT?
I'M ASKING FOR 350 MILLION FRIENDS OF MINE.
>> WELL, YON, WE'RE PRAGMATISTS IN NEW ZEALAND AND, SO, WHEN IT
WAS DESCRIBED TO ME THE WEAPONS THAT WE USED AND HOW EASILY THEY
WERE OBTAINED, MY IMMEDIATE REACTION WAS THAT CAN'T STAND,
IT HAS TO CHANGE.
AND, SO, YOU KNOW, I NEEDED THE VOTES OF THREE POLITICAL PARTIES
TO BE ABLE TO DO IT, BUT I DON'T THINK I WOULD EVEN NEED TO ASK
THEM IF THEY THOUGHT THE SAME THING.
SO I JUST WENT OUT THERE AND SAID OUR LAWS WILL CHANGE AND,
IN THE END, EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT EXCEPT FOR ONE
VOTED FOR THAT CHANGE.
>> Stephen: WE'VE GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE, IN AMERICA, WE
BASICALLY -- WE HAVE A FEELING THAT THE GUN LAWS CAN'T BE
CHANGED.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WAS THERE NO RESISTANCE TO IT?
>> THERE WERE SOME PEOPLE WHO WEREN'T HAPPY ABOUT THE CHANGE,
DON'T GET ME WRONG.
WE TURNED SOMETHING THEY REALLY PURCHASED INTO SOMETHING
ILLEGAL, SO WE GAVE THEM THE ABILITY TO BRING THEM IN AND
PAID FOR THEM.
WE HAVE A LEGITIMATE NEED IN NEW ZEALAND, WE MAY NOT HAVE
SNAKES BUT WE HAVE A LOT OF THINGS THAT KILL OUR WILDLIFE,
AND WE IDENTIFIED WHAT GUNS WERE LEGITIMATELY NEEDED FOR THOSE
THINGS.
THOSE WERE KICKED OUT, THOSE REMAINED AND GOT RID OF THE ONES
DESIGNED TO TAKE PEOPLE'S LIVES EN MASSE.
>> Stephen: IF YOU FOR INVITING ME TO YOUR BEAUTIFUL
COUNTRY AND GOOD LUCK GETTING RID OF ME.
>> PLEASE STAY FOR FOOD, WE'LL HAVE A BARBECUE OR SOMETHING.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU.
LAST CHANCE FOR PEANUT BRITTLE.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: I ACCEPTED HER INSRI CASETATION AND STAYED FOR
SAUSAGES AND PRIET BREAD.
SO WE HAVE THE PRIME MINISTER, WE HAVE THE FIRST GRILL MASTER,
WE HAVE THE FUTURE POSSIBLY PRESIDENT OF NEW ZEALAND AND
LORDE.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
>> YOU, TOO.
>> Stephen: I'M SURPRISED I NEVER MET YOU BEFORE BECAUSE
YOU'RE FAMOUS AND I'M FAMOUS.
THERE'S SOMETHING I ALWAYS WANTED TO ASK YOU.
WOULD YOU CARE FOR SOME PEANUT BRITTLE?
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME PEANUT BRITTLE?
>> SURE, THANK YOU.
I THINK IT MUST BE A TRADITION.
>> Stephen: THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
>> YEAH.
( SCREAM ) ( APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T HAVE SNAKES!
THE TRIP WAS WORTH IT!
( LAUGHTER ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
>> Stephen: THANK YOU, PRIME MINISTER ARDERN AND THANK YOU
LORDE!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH ADAM DRIVER!