What up, internet!
So we are currently in that magical time of the year
where young people around the world
are
[screaming]
What the heck am I doing?
I haven't slept in three weeks!
Too! Much! To! Remember!
[screaming]
EXAM SEASON
Where schools judge how intelligent we are by
the amount of facts we can't be bothered to remember
that we will never use in the rest of our lives.
[ding]
As somebody who has survived
mostly
the education process,
I have a lot of people on the internet right now
asking me
"How?"
So today, without joking too much
because I know that this is
LIFE OR DEATH
for some of you right now,
I would like to share some protips
with you guys on how to
survive the exam season.
Firstly, start studying weeks before your exam.
[laughs]
Oh man, that's a good one.
Um, but no seriously
that's actually the best thing.
I mean, you can
but if you're watching my videos
I'm guessing you're like me
and you would probably procrastinate
rescuing a family from a burning house,
so good luck with that.
The first thing is to sort out
your environment.
You cannot study if you are stressing out
in a pile of underwear and crumbs, okay?
Which is, I know what
you're sitting in right now,
don't try to fool me.
Get rid of all distractions,
I'm just going to come out and say this
so prepare yourself,
try turning off notifications.
WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?
You can't study if you're like this;
Okay.
[notification]
Ooh, friend request.
[notification]
Ooh, new follower.
[notification]
Aha, Snapchat story.
[notification]
New cat in Neko Atsume?
Alright, forget this, woo!
Big projects are scary
so just break it down into little pieces
and reward yourself with a phone check
every time you get a little bit done.
Even if it's just one paragraph
of the essay, or the title
if you're like me.
Like a dog who keeps peeing on furniture,
you can train yourself with tiny rewards.
If you draw up a schedule,
mute your grandma on Facebook.
If you solve an algebra problem,
indirect someone on Twitter.
If you memorise five facts,
go read your favourite
Steve and Bucky mpreg fic.
[record scratch]
Quite specific, Dan.
And make sure that when you do study,
you're doing it in the right way.
Loads of people I knew
basically just did this;
Okay I have three tests this week
in three different subjects,
let's do this!
ABSORB!
That's not how to study.
Make good notes by breaking it down...
not like,
doo ba doo ba doo ba doo ba DROP THE BASS
MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH MATH
Am I really going to make that joke?
You know what I say?
Do what Sherlock would do...
Not make out with John, you perv.
Go into a mind palace.
Start with the huge thing you have to learn,
and break it into just the key facts
that remind you of the whole story,
so that when somebody goes;
"Volcano!"
You go;
Mount Vesuvius erupted in 79 AD.
It is a stratovolcano
and it erupted in a pyroclastic flow
that affected three million people
monitored by a synthetic aperture radar.
[clicks fingers] Boom.
[flushes toilet] I am ready to do this.
Cause learning five facts that remind you of the story
is a lot better than just staring at the story all day.
[screaming]
You can do one of those
'"find out what kind of learner you are" quizzes
so you can work out if you should
colour-code different themes,
or draw up a mind map, or even
like I did in a physics lesson once,
where I remembered the entire
periodic table by turning it into a song.
Oh, hydrogen, helium,
lithium, beryllium,
boron, carbon,
nitrogen and oxygen.
Maybe just in your head though,
as the guy that sat next to me
in the class, who was usually the bully
that spent most of his time spitting on the floor,
actually asked to move away from me
because I was so annoying.
Fluorine, neon,
sodium, magnesium,
aluminium, silicon,
phosphorus and sulfur!
Oh my god.
[holds note]
Sir, sir, can I please move, he's driving me insane.
Chlorine and argon-
[Sobbing]
I want to learn!
That actually happened.
And my best, actual good tip if I may,
is to work out how your exams are marked,
because every kind of paper has some
sad, lonely sadist
just sat up in a room ticking boxes that is following
a marking plan, and if you work out
what that plan is, and apply the facts you've memorised to it,
you can't really go wrong,
so just download loads of old exam papers and try it out.
Hm, wow, that was too close to being actually helpful.
I need to make this more
stupider.
School is lame, am I right?
Well, the other top tip is it's important to stay active
with exercise and a healthy diet and
[laughs]
Oh man, I'm just pulling your leg,
don't worry.
But no, really, it actually makes a huge difference.
Now the night before an exam,
don't do an all-nighter, okay?
If you try to write an essay into the depths of the night,
or cram notes at three AM,
you'll be like;
[Yawns]
And then the square root of the banana, Shakespeare, I'm gonna- [slap]
That's not useful.
Especially if you're like that during the exam,
so do not drink loads of coffee,
or take caffeine pills.
If anything, do what I did which is
go to sleep and try to wake up really early.
Even if you're like;
Can't sleep.
Too anxious.
Might just
implode right now.
At least you're resting your energy so as soon as that sun rises
you can be like; [clicks fingers]
[alarm buzzing]
All right, lets do this!
[screams] Ah, my bare nipples!
And then..
[warped] DOOMSDAY
I mean, exams day...
The day the test happens.
Only read over selective notes, don't be like;
Get! In! My! Head!
[Sobbing]
Try not to be late,
don't hang around other nervous people 'cause they'll just
freak you out.
Uh oh, I can't do this, I'm gonna die!
Get out of the way, hoe
I don't need your negative vibes.
Read the paper and the questions carefully,
and remember to breathe.
I'm saying that because
I actually forgot to breathe for about five minutes during a psychology paper once.
Okay, concentrate, concentrate, concentrate, concentrate, concentrate, concentrate.
But most importantly,
remember that the grades you get today
will be with you for the rest of your life
for people to judge you based on.
Wait, no no no, that's not it, um.
That it's not the end of the world
and there is much more to life.
Yeah!
I mean, after all,
I didn't end up using any of my qualifications
and I'm okay.
I mean, if my YouTube career flopped
which it still could at any moment,
then I have nothing to fall back on, but, um.
[Laughs]
Hey, you forge your own path in life.
Please keep watching my videos, it's all I have.
Good luck!
Click down here to subscribe to my channel to watch more of my videos, to keep me alive.
You can watch my last one over there, and I will see you guys next time.
Hopefully.
Please.
Bye.