Heya playa, when it comes to pursuing a girl
that you like you've probably heard the phrase "nice guys finish last".
That, nice guys never end up getting with the girl, you actually need to be a jerk
in order for her to like you and I'm here to tell you it's just not true.
Being a jerk is not going to get you the girl but neither
will being a "nice guy" so what's the in-between?
How do you actually get with a girl and get her
interested in you in a way where you're not compromising who you are?
Let me explain.
I'm just going, to be honest here, I think the term "nice guy" has a major branding problem.
When you hear that you think of a guy who's timid
and shy and awkward and nervous all the time but that to me doesn't signify nice.
When I think of someone who's nice, I think of someone who's caring and understanding.
Someone that just makes you feel super comfortable to be around.
So if that's nice what exactly are people describing when they say the word "nice guy"?
For this, I divert to the chorus of Will Smith's song "Nice guy" to really kind of break it down.
He's a nice guy, how you doing
He's a nice guy, good to see you
He's a nice guy, sometimes y'all mistake nice for soft so before I go off
And I think soft is the keyword here.
We really have to kind of dive into it when we talk about pursuing someone that you like.
Taking a more soft or passive approach really isn't going to set you up in a way
that's going to put you at the top of the line for why your crush should date you.
And the reality is that your crush is probably around tons of guys like this.
Guys that are too shy and timid to talk to them, guys that are afraid to ask them out,
guys who are just yes men and do anything that your crush asks of them.
And having people like that in your life is great
but the problem is that there's nothing that makes any one of them stand out.
There's nothing to be attracted to because they're all kind of just in the background
acting the same and what's going to make you stand out from all these other guys is being
the opposite of what we consider to be a nice guy which is not mean but actually outspoken.
If you're someone that's willing to act on your feelings and not hide them away like someone
in the friend zone, if you're someone that's willing to start a conversation with your crush,
to ask them questions, to learn more about them, to see what the two of you have in common,
if you're someone that's willing to flirt with them, to openly express genuine interest in them,
then yeah I think you're gonna stand out compared to all those other guys.
You might also be wondering why then are girls so attracted to bad guys.
Do bad guys possess these qualities?
In some ways they actually do, but they're missing one important piece.
Bad guys are incredibly skilled at creating a smoke show.
They know exactly what to say and do to create tension and drama with a girl that they like.
They openly speak their mind without any worry or care about what other people think
but the one thing that they actually lack is self-awareness.
You see, bad guys carry the allure as if they have it all figured out and that's
attractive to girls because girls want a guy who's acting on the things that he wants,
who's following through on his beliefs.
A girl chasing a bad guy is kind of like a girl sitting at
a train station waiting for a train to depart to get to where she wants to go.
Now there are parked trains there, just not moving.
But a train ends up coming in and she decides to
get on it and go with it because it's actually moving somewhere
despite the fact that it's probably not going to the destination that she wants to go to.
Yes she's on a train that's moving and yes she's actually going
somewhere but it might not be the destination of what she wants.
In that relationship the conductor's eventually gonna come on and be like
"ladies and gentlemen this is the train too,
uh, I'm not looking for anything serious right now. Stand clear of the closing doors please."
Having a sense of self-awareness means knowing what you want with that person
and aiming towards that goal.
Approaching them and putting those honest feelings
out there to see if they want to be on that same path with you.
A guy who's soft or passive is going to be way too
intimidated to actually ask out the girl that he likes.
Instead, he's going to wait around for the right moment and settle for the
friend zone because at least there he gets to talk to every once in a while.
A guy who's a bad boy is probably going to have the confidence needed
to pursue the girl that he likes, to flirt with her, to ask her out,
to do all of those things that are going to be attractive to her but
because he lacks that self-awareness and real direction in his life that train is gonna crash.
It's gonna end up nowhere.
Both of them are gonna end up getting hurt because neither one of them are on the same page.
But a guy who is as we've described as being nice is gonna retain all those positive qualities of
being compassionate, being understanding, being a good listener, being a caring and
supportive person while also maintaining all the powerful qualities that are attractive.
Being confident, being assertive, being flirty, and putting his feelings out there.
So let's reclaim that term and use it how it actually should be used.
Each of us should aim to be a nice guy, that means being confident
and assertive and caring and someone who girls can be attracted to.
If you're struggling to figure out how to embody those qualities check
out the videos over there on the side where I'm gonna break down the basic
steps you need to start being a more attractive guy that girls can like.
Check out those videos and I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.