[Dunkey's E3 video]: "They're saying all the DLC is gonna be free."
[Dunkey's E3 video]: "They're definitely making steps in the right direction."
[Dunkey's E3 video]: "But this is EA, okay? They'll find some way to fuck it up."
They found a way to fuck it up.
My #1 issue with this game right now is that it is completely fucking broken...
...sometimes.
I have gotten into so many matches now where it's just a laggy unplayable disaster.
I mean, are you looking at this footage right now?
This shit is unacceptable.
You would figure a company like DICE that has put out
how many Battlefield games at this point, would understand
what kind of network you need to make a game of this scale run smoothly,
but, nope! EA probably said,
"Hey, come on! I already gave you $10 to make this game."
"Now you think I'm gonna give you another quarter to pay for the servers?"
"Get the fuck outta here! Also, put in these dumbass loot boxes!"
Now usually in games like Battlefield or Call of Duty, you have a progression system,
where you earn new guns and perks and I mean...
Back in the day, you would usually get that stuff pretty rapidly.
*"Congratulations" repeated*
Here, they have turned unlocks way, way the fuck down in the hopes that
people would just get frustrated and buy their upgrades with real money.
The trick with these progression systems is that you want
players to feel like they're unlocking cool new stuff by playing,
but without explicitly making them better than people who are just getting into the game.
Battlefront 2 is very black and white about this.
You either have the Star Cards that make you win
or you have nothing and you suck dick.
The upgrades very literally make you better at the game.
Here's a card that makes your grenade better.
Here's a card that lets you be Yoda faster.
This Pay2Win system pissed people off so bad
that EA actually retracted the ability to buy your upgrades.
Temporarily.
So we'll see how long- OH!
You can now purchase a loot crate
...that allows you to instantaneously win the match.
Thankfully, I think DICE has realized the best part of this game
is simply destroying people as Darth Maul.
With the new Battle Point system, everything you do earns you points
towards playing as a X-Wing or a Super Battle Droid
or once in a blue fucking moon, an actual cool guy.
"Boba Fett, baby! That's what I'm talking about!"
"Now where's somebody for me to shoot, huh? Who wants to get shot?"
"I can't find anybod-- No!"
"NO! NO!! COME ON!!"
You still rarely get to play as the hero characters,
but at least they feel somewhat obtainable now.
It's a smart way to make players feel involved in the match as a whole,
because the best way to get these battle points is to pursue the objective,
you know, except when it isn't at all.
Unfortunately, DICE has not realized that
players do not give a rat's fucking ass about the objectives.
Even with the incentive to pursue them,
most people would rather just walk around and shoot people.
There just isn't anything interesting
about going into the middle of the map,
holding [G], and hoping nobody shoots you.
"Oh, shit! I'm Lando versus Kylo Ren versus Yoda!"
"Now this is what I'm talking abo-"
"WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE-"
[Soldier]: "Blasted Imperials!"
The campaign is bad.
A wise man once said, "There are no bad controls. Just bad players."
He was later revealed to be the creator of Bubsy 3D.
Some shooters feel great on a controller. This is not one of them.
Aiming is too slow up-close and too imprecise when you're far away.
On the other hand, driving vehicles with a mouse and keyboard is a goddamn hell nightmare.
So the ideal way to play this game is
mouse and keyboard on the ground
and then you swap to a controller for your starships.
Once again, these are technically a part of the game, but they don't always feel like it.
There are some maps where you might be able to shoot someone on the ground if you're lucky,
but in my 12 hours of playing this game,
I have never once been killed by a pilot while I was on the ground.
But I- I have seen people try.
Here comes a guy now-
[Darth Vader]: "You will know the power of the Dark Side..."
[Sad Dunk]: No....
I'm gonna be real with you guys. I don't really despise this game.
I actually had fun playing it, you know, when it wasn't lagging beyond reality.
Really, all they gotta do to fix this game is
fix the online,
fix the single player,
fix the loot boxes,
fix the battle points and heroes,
fix the objectives,
fix the controls,
fix the vehicles, and then BOOM!
You have a great game here.
Finally... *giggling*
I get to be Darth Maul!
Here we go, baby.
*Dunkey singing* ♪ Star Wars - Duel of the Fates ♪
2 out of 5.
♪ Star Wars Kinect - I'm Han Solo ♪
[Outro] ♪ Star Wars Kinect - I'm Han Solo ♪
[Automated Voice]: "Assassin's Creed is a good franchise." [Outro] ♪ Star Wars Kinect - I'm Han Solo ♪
[Outro] ♪ Star Wars Kinect - I'm Han Solo ♪