This video is the result of several weeks of pent up emotions
Hi! So I've recently moved to London
Where I've been living for a couple of months now,
And as I'm someone who doesn't own a car,
I've been using a lot of public transport
And there's a couple of things I'd like to say
Firstly, SCREW YOU OYSTER CARD
I know that you're really convenient,
And everything's my fault, but I'm gonna blame you.
On the Subway in London,
We have these things call "Oyster Cards"
Which you basically just swipe you way through the gates,
And this is where a lot of the problems occur.
this is a very fast paced environment where about a billion people in suits are
power walking towards those gates like sperm
and if you do anything wrong at that moment if you stop to get your card out
of your pocket or you put the wrong ticket in the entire world ends I feel
so sorry for any tourists that come to London to get confused at those gates
because if you spend more than two seconds there you cause a freaking pile
up and then the tutting begins people just going
*scoffs*
unbelieveable
and it's all your fault you might as well be Hitler because that's how much
everyone hates you right now but on a really busy day it's just the worst ever
firstly the crowd is moving so fast that half the time i miss my turning but
nothing in the world is worse than that moment when you realize the doors are
about to close this happens on trains and buses as well and it's that moment
when everything freezes
it's just you and the door and you just have to make the call
are you gonna go for it are you gonna go for it which usually results in missing
it by one second and having a group of bratty children laugh at you through the
window whilst you cough up your lungs but once
ok I actually made it well a piece of me did I said before about the time when i
tried to jump in and actually got my head stuck between the doors but you
don't hear about that but you see unlike train doors that are like
and politely open again the underground doors are like metal venus flytraps of
death but I think in the list of awkward moments of my life having a full train
of people all staring at the absolute twat that somehow managed to get his
head stuck in the door
that was pretty up there i swear people are convinced that no matter how
full the carriage might be there is always room for one more person and so
the old Asian lady who does not give a shit crams herself into that space
and I find myself getting probed twice by a guy in a trench coat
every time and that's always the moment when the gross person who definitely has sars
and swine flu decides to sneeze on your face
no escape but it also doesn't help that my elbows seems to be perfect boob height
for short females like you have no idea how many accidental boob elbows I have
committed and the ladies are often not impressed but sometimes it is a better
alternative to sitting when you take a seat and realize how ominously damp it
feels and you really don't want to know
seriously it's a hardcore environment if you hear "we are sorry to announce that
there are currently mild delays"
people start going "ugh somewhere better have died horribly I'm gonna to be late for my meeting now"
and occasionally a station will be closed which means that you have to get the bus
now I'm not a bus person
if you're not familiar with where you're going or when you need to get off then
going on the bus is one of the most fucking terrifying experiences ever
I see all these people getting straight on with their secret golden bus passes
of infinite bus and I'm just like um a single to King's Cross please
and the driver looks at me like you have no idea what the fuck you're doing do you
and I'm like
*crying* no
but i'd like to take this opportunity to wish a fiery death upon the following
people that kid who won't stop pressing the stop button
I'm so funny, that guy at the back of the bus who has the coolest music taste ever
and wants everybody to hear it aw mate this is a sick tune a sick tune yeah
brap brap brap, that smelly guy who always for some reason always sits next to you
even though the entire bus is empty, hm you look nice and the bus drivers who
give you the look of death if you don't have the exact change or the ones that
can definitely tell that you're running to get the bus and they drive away any
way but talking of traumatic incidents this actually happened to me last week
ok i was on the bus and I was going somewhere I've never been before I was
freaking out because I didn't know when to push the stop button when I saw
something that made me think I was there so i push the stop button and then
realized i was absolutely nowhere near it
now a normal person would just say oops and stay on the bus
I got off the bus that's right i felt so awkward that everyone heard the ding and I made
the bus stop that I got off the bus when I wasn't there yet
in fact I no idea where the fuck I was and I actually ended up walking about
two miles in the rain
why did you make me this way
but even walking is dangerous in London it's not getting hit by cars that you need to
worry about it's the bloody light speed cyclist that just apperate behind the
taxi about to walk past and then just go
get out the way and you suddenly realize how much of a ninja you are when you jump
back
so yeah those are a few things that I now have to deal with on a daily basis
or and the fact i fell up an escalator yeah if you missed it i was running up
the world's tallest escalator with my phone in one hand my headphones on and
my back strap over my shoulder when I tripped and fell up the escalator
allowing 200 people that were moving slowly in both directions to laugh at me
yep it is actually left me with a nice escalator print scar for the next couple
months and there we go but enough about my pain I want to know about yours
what gets on your tits when you use public transport, what horrifically awkward
things have you experienced
please feel free to unleash your rants down in the comments or in a video
response and no matter what day you've been having we can all complain together
so basically I should just get a car and stop being a whiny bitch
and now it's time for the sexy end screen dance the worst then best then
worst 5 seconds of your life
all right please give me a good thumbing if you have enjoyed the video subscribe
to my channel to see more of my videos thanks