Barby: Hey, Ken...
Ken: Yeah?
Barby: ...nnnya dig this episode?
Ken: You're gonna be doing this the entire episode, aren't you?
Barby: Yeah, you want to get paid right?
Ken: Uh, yeah.
Barby: Yeah, then act surprised every time that comes up in a script.
Ken: *Oh*, that's so funny!
Wow,
I totally see what you did there.
*forcefully laughs while Barby forks over a twenty*
Barby: *mmm-s and slaps Ken* Good boi.
*intro music*
♪ It's time to learn Geography!
NOW! ♫
Hey everyone, I'm your host Barbs
We are back in Africa, and I'm sure you've heard of at least a little bit about Kenya,
whether it's where your Starbucks brew is imported from,
or if you've seen those jumping Masai people,
or if you want to make another cliche Obama joke,
Kenya seems to take the spotlight most in East Africa. It's made a name for itself.
Now let's see where it is.
*Political Geography*
The name 'Kenya' is roughly derived from the words of various dialects, meaning 'God's resting place',
and when you see what's going on, you'll understand why.
First of all,
Kenya is located in East Africa, transected in the south by the equator,
surrounded by five countries, with a decent sized coast along the largest lake in Africa, Lake Victoria,
as well as the Indian Ocean to the east.
The country is divided into 47 semi-autonomous counties,
and the capital and largest city, Nairobi, which has its own county in itself.
The largest cities after Nairobi would be Mombasa and Nakuru,
however the busiest airports would be the three international hubs,
Nairobi Jomo Kenyatta
Mombasa's Moy International
and Eldoret International.
As mentioned in the Ethiopia episode, they have a dispute
over the Ilemi Triangle with Ethiopia and South Sudan,
as well as the incredibly packed Migingo Island in Lake Victoria
where over 130 people live on only 2,000 square meters of space.
I mean, you're probably wondering: Why do they all stay there?
Couldn't they just spread out to the bigger, adjacent Usingo Island with much more space?
Kenya: *roars* Shut up, that's why!
Transport in Kenya is pretty developed, compared to the other African states.
Railway service runs between the coastal Mombasa all the way to the border of Uganda,
roads connect to virtually all their neighbors, a ton going into Tanzania, Uganda and Somalia,
whereas the two main ones that enter South Sudan and Ethiopia are the A1 and A2.
Nairobi is cool because it's the only city in the world with a national park and game reserve.
Some parks, only 7 kilometers from downtown, giving this unorthodox view
of wild animals juxtaposed to cityscapes in the background.
Anyway, some areas of interest throughout Kenya might include places like:
The National Peace, Love, Unity and Silver Jubilee Monuments,
the Jomo Kenyatta Statue,
the giraffe center and giraffe manor hotel, where you can literally have giraffes come up to you,
Bomas of Kenya,
the ruins of Gedi,
Mnarani,
Takwa Milinga,
Diani,
Pate,
and Shaka,
Siyu and Lamu Fort,
Uhuru Gardens Memorial Park,
Hyrax Prehistoric Site and Museum,
Nairobi Gallery,
African Heritage House,
The Carnivore Restaurant,
the Nairobi Railway Museum
George Adamson's grave,
Kitengela,
Iten (Home of the Champions),
and the Maasai Ostrich Farm where you can ride ostriches if you are not too heavy.
However that list of man-made structures pales in comparison
to the natural wonders Kenya is known for, which means we gotta transition into the next part!
Barby: Hey, Ken...
Ken: What's up?
Barby: ...nnnya guess what comes up next?
Ken: Dude, it's the same thing in every episode. I'm pretty sure they know what's gonna happen-
Barby: Okokok. Ken, I'm really getting sick of your sass. Okay, I Ken-ynot stand it.
*Ken chuckles*
Ken: Okay, that was good.
Barby: What was good?
*Physical Geography*
Some countries thrive off of industries, some off of finance.
Kenya strongest feature though would downright have to be its natural landscape.
First of all, Kenya lies right on the East African Rift which as we explained in Eritrea and Ethiopia episodes,
is the series of cracks in East Africa that splits all the way down from the Red Sea
to Mozambique, creating highlands in the west and flatter savannas and valleys
in the east along the coast. This also creates a wonderful network of narrow
slippery lakes like the largest one, Lake Turkana
in the northwest along the border with Ethiopia.
Lake Turkana is the world's largest desert lake and due to its salinity
the world's largest alkaline lake as well.
This means that Kenya is technically on a volcanic zone
although most of volcanoes are all but holocene and extinct.
The last major eruption was around a hundred years ago on
Emuruangogolak in the central, west highlands.
However, at over 5100 meters, that volcanic activity did create the largest mountain in Kenya
and the second in all of Africa, Mount Kenya,
which is where Kenya got its name from.
Oh and Mount Longonot looks kind of creepy because it has like three mini crater pimples on the side.
Close by the base of Mount Kenya, you can find the longest river
the Tana that flows down to the valleys and eventually empties into the Indian Ocean.
Kenya has 54 national parks and game reserves,
the largest one being the Tsavo in the southeast.
However the most popular one being the Masai Mara,
along the border with Tanzania technically part of the Serengeti.
Here, The Great Migration occurs in which every July, the largest animal migration on Earth
moves millions of nomadic species up to Kenya from Tanzania.
It's such a hot spot that even National Geographic is like so over it.
They've covered it like a trillion times.
Speaking of which, Kenya is no surprise a Wildlife Haven.
The Big 5 animals are common around here, one of which being the national animal, the Africa Lion,
and they can be found at almost every national park.
There are way too many species to list but basically,
almost every animal in the Lion King can be found in Kenya
let alone East Africa. And yes, wildebeest can be kind of like total douche bags.
They're the ones that killed Mufasa
Ken: No, uhhh- Paul: Oh nop- Yeah, the dad.
Ken: Oh yeah, that is cause Scar is the bad guy.
Barby: Yeah, Mufasa is the Dad.
Resource-wise, Kenya is a country of balance.
Today the service sector and tourism contributes to over 60% of their overall GDP,
making it their largest foreign exchange earnings sector.
Agriculture has always been a principal driving force for Kenya as well.
Today, they are the third largest tea producer in the world after China and India.
Yeah way to go, Kenya.
Speaking of which, food in Kenya is similar to other African Great Lakes nations.
Most meals are served with the National staple
Ugali, which is mashed grain powder often mixed with cassava or plantains
cooked into a thick starchy bland paste.
You're supposed to eat it with stews and sauces and meats.
Otherwise, Sukuma Wiki or greens usually accompany Ugali at every meal.
Gweno and Aliya are common. And if you're lucky, try some
Onyoso, Ng'en and Dede for snacks.
By the way, have you ever noticed that a ton of Sub-Saharan African tribes have like amazing teeth?
Well, It's mostly because a lot of them use chewing sticks
which are twigs from various trees, like licorice bush, gum trees and the Salvadora Persica,
Also known as the 'toothbrush tree'.
These twigs have natural teeth cleaning and whitening properties.
You can even buy them on Amazon.
Overall, Kenya is seen as like the financial hub for both East and Central Africa
as they have the highest GDP in the region, famous for their newly established digital industry
including the introduction of M-Pesa mobile banking systems
used by millions of people across the world.
Kenyans are also famous for the interesting investment groups known as
Chama or table banking.
It's a little hard to explain, but it's basically like a crude version of bank loans
but it's operated by a community of friends that you really trust.
It's like:
Barby: Alright boys. put your money on the table. Alright, cool.
So there's all the money we got. You can grab as much as you want
But you gotta explain what you're gonna use it for and how you gonna invest
and how you're gonna pay off on interest next month.
Ken, go!
Ken: I'm gonna take $5,000.
There's these new shoes that I'm trying to vent but get this, it's made out of coffee.
Barby: Okay, Ken, you're out of the club.
No, but seriously check out this video by Joywo organization,
I'll put a link at the description, they did a great job explaining.
Kenyan people are definitely an entrepreneurial bunch of people that they have made a name for themselves.
Let's see how in:
*Demographics*
If East Africa was a family, Kenya would be like the brother who got rich
but still has some weird issues in his head they kinda have to suppress.
First of all:
The country has about 49 million people,
and about 3/4 of the population is below 30 years of age.
The country is made up of about 47 different tribes
However, the majority of these tribes are classified under the Bantu peoples at 67%,
the Nilotic peoples at around 30%,
and the remainder is made up of other groups mostly Cushitic, Arabs, Indians and Europeans.
Of the Bantu peoples, however, the largest tribes would be the
Kikuyu, the Luhya and the Kamba.
whereas the largest Nilotic groups would be the Kalejin and the Luo.
The country also uses the Kenyan Shilling as their currency,
they use the type G British style plug and they drive on the left side of the road.
Basically, there is no single Kenyan culture
but rather a plethora of vibrant tribes, each with their own unique traits, trades and traditions.
For example, some of the overarching summaries I've gotten from you guys,
the Kenyan Geograpeeps include descriptions like:
The Kikuyu are often known for being good businessmen.
The Lujah are good at rugby.
Luos takes politics and music very seriously and they're very proud that Obama's dad was from their tribe.
The Kisil are the tough tea farmers.
The Kalenjin are the runners as 75% of all Olympic gold medal athletes have
come from them mostly in running sports.
The Kamba are great pottery and carving artists.
The Turkana have those really long beaded necklaces that stretch their necks.
The Meru moves from Tanzania and might be a Lost Tribe of Israel.
The Rendile are desert nomads. The Idakho have a cool dance and are known for bullfighting.
The Mijikenda live in a sacred forest where they bury these secret talisman things that I didn't have time to research.
Barby: Hey Ken.
Ken: Nope, not doing it this time.
Barby: No, I'm not making a pun. I'm I literally just want to ask you something.
Ken: Oh, okay,
Barby: Ken...ya research the Mijikenda tribe for me?
Laugh or you're fired!
But the most famous and well-documented tribe would probably the Maasai.
Semi-nomadic herders found in both Tanzania and Kenya.
Largely in touch with their ancient traditions known for their svelte tall bodies,
unique customs, high jumping dances
wearing this thing known as a Shuka cloth, which comes in various patterns usually with red or blue on it.
I bought this when I was in Tanzania.
I never actually thought I would use it for anything, but
Hahaha, 10 years later.
Although dozens of languages exist, in Kenya, there are two official languages: English and Swahili.
Swahili is estimated to be spoken by about a hundred million people all across East Africa
and it is the only African language in the African Union.
Many words are actually influenced from Arabic as Arabic merchants and slave traders
came in at the turn of the first millennium.
In fact, the word Swahili comes from the Arabic word "swahil"
which means "coasts".
Kenyan Kiswahili is known for being quite brash and blunt whereas the Tanzanians are polite and proper.
For example, a Tanzanian might say:
whereas a Kenyan might say:
Fun side note: The words "Hakuna Matata" are actually Swahili.
However, the opening lyrics of "The Lion King: Circle of Life" Song are actually Zulu from South Africa.
Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
(Singing in Zulu)
Yeah, that's all Zulu.
Now history will take way too long to explain
but in the quickest way I can put it:
Early fossils of Neolithic hunter-gatherers probably Khoisan people,
Cushitic and Nilotic pastoralist probably move in from South Sudan in the Horn of Africa,
Bantus come in and start farming and introduced iron,
City-states pop up along the coast like Mombasa,
Arabs and Persians come in and start trading for goods and slaves,
Kilwa Sultanate, The Portuguese guy comes in and "observes things",
Omani Arabs come in, The slave trade is in full force, the Portuguese come in in the 17th century,
start trading with Omanis, this Chinese guy stops in and "observes things",
Kiswahili becomes the lingua franca, Vasco De Gama takes a peek,
Short lived Wanga Kingdom, The Germans make a short-lived protectorate
until the British finally come in and colonized,
Tea starts growing, Railroads get built,
Tons of Indians come flocking as indentured servants,
World War One the Brits and Germans agreed to avoid conflict in colonies,
This Guy doesn't listen, Attacks, The Brits get mad and attack from behind in Zambia
because clearly he forgot that it was also colonized by the Brits,
Princess Elizabeth is in a hotel in a national park
when she gets a call saying that her father died and now she is Queen Elizabeth?
Mau Mau uprising,
Independence in 1963, Jomo Kenyatta is a hero,
More years loaded with controversy,
2000, He's not allowed to run again for President,
A few massacres in a drought and eventually they get back up and move on.
And that's where we are today.
Unfortunately one of the biggest issues Kenya is faced with today would have to be tribalism.
Today, scuffles and arguments still do occasionally occur between certain groups. However, it's not so bad,
but let's be honest, it's still kind of noticeable. Most of the drama is underground
and they still work heavily off of a bribe culture. The average Kenyan pays about 16 bribes per month
just to get by in small situations in daily life.
They even have a word for it: Kitu Kidogo which means "small thing".
Nonetheless if there was a phrase that kind of summarized Kenya, it would probably be "Tibim".
Which translates to something like "One last blow for triumph"
and clearly it's been kind of a thing for Kenya as they become like a poster child for East Africa.
Some famous people of Kenyan descent or from Kenya might include:
Field Marshall Dedan Kimathi and Me Katilili Wa Menza, mother of the resistance,
Uhuru Kenyatta, Charity Ngilu, John Kiriamiti,
Ezekiel Kemboi, Kipchog Keino, Lupita Nyong'o,
Paul Tergat, Dennis Oliech, Victor Wanyama,
David Mathenge AKA: Nameless,
Stella Mwangi, Fadhili William, Obama's Dad,
Wangari Maathai, Eric Wainaina
and probably the most famous one: Jomo Kenyatta, the father of Kenya.
All right, that was a lot of info.
Now let's finish off this with some "Tibim" and get to the last final segment,
*Friendzone*
Kenya is kind of like the "Big Shot" of East and to some extent, Central Africa.
Let's put it this way: People in Africa moved to Kenya in hopes of getting a better life.
First of all, Kenya was kind of like the shining jewel of the British East African colonies.
They knew something was special about Kenya so they introduced tea.
They deliberately connected Mombasa with the West via railroad and even after independence,
they remain part of the Commonwealth and Brits make up the largest group of visitors
and national citizens amongst the white Kenyan population.
India has a lot of ties to Kenya as waves of immigrants were brought in by the British in the 19th century to build the Mombasa railway.
Some racial tensions existed however after both countries gained independence,
they started to cooperate much better. Prime Minister Nehru gave support to Jomo Kenyatta.
They have a technical and economic cooperation program.
They offer over a hundred scholarships specifically to Kenyans
and today, India makes up the sixth largest trading partner.
They're best friends however would probably be Ethiopia, Tanzania and Uganda.
For Ethiopia, the Kenyan Mau Mau rebel group operated in Ethiopia during the uprising years.
They have a mutual defense agreement especially against the greater Somalia ideologists living in South Ethiopia
and Kenyans trust him like a wise uncle. Tanzania and Uganda have healthy rivalries with Kenya
but ultimately, the three are like the great lake kings that dominate Lake Victoria.
All three speak Swahili. They understand and piggyback off of each other's cultures.
They marry each other, citizens frequently. They love each other.
In conclusion: even though they may not be the most populous or largest in area,
East Africa kind of revolves around Kenya.
Economic and political controversies aside,
they just have that certain drive that makes them stick out.
When it comes to pulling through, they sure
Ken...ya, do it.
Stay tuned, Kiribati is coming up next!