[typing]
Ever since The Sims 3 launched back in 2009,
there has been one huge addition to the game that I've wanted to see:
See, The Sims is a simulation of everyday human life, more or less,
and when you think about it, a huge part of navigating reality is
governed by the climate.
What season it is, the temperature, precipitation, and the rest of that
malleable meteorological malarkey affect every day of life in some way or another.
So thank Jupiter and Tarhun, The Sims 3 Seasons expansion pack has finally
arrived to answer your seasonal prayers.
Snowboarding, ball kicking, creeping up on women in bikinis and more.
It's all here.
"Fun for every season."
Oh yeah? Well, what about when you pick up every stitch?
I see no mention of the season of the witch,
so I'm calling bullcrap.
Random Donovan references aside,
Seasons starts off with a colorful segmented loading screen,
showing artful representations of the four seasons you'll soon be enduring.
Only thing that bothers me about this is
that, as usual, the background is stretched for widescreen resolutions
when it's clearly made for a 4:3 aspect ratio.
All those stretched out circular shapes really tickles my brain the wrong way
and makes me want to go and admire nicely tiled floor,
or obsessively straighten the objects on my desk.
At the main menu, you are given the option to choose an old save game,
start a new game in one of the existing towns,
or nothing else.
Because oddly there is no new town to choose from this time.
Kinda sucks, actually, since the focus of such an expansion is seasonal atmosphere,
and what better way to show that off
than with a new town tailor-made for festivals and outdoor events.
But no. I guess you got to get over it and pick whatever you want
because with every town you'll have four seasons to enjoy:
Pretty much the yearly subdivisions you would expect, I suppose,
at least if you're someone who happens to be in a warm temperate region.
You won't find any wet or dry seasons here,
but you can make up for this a bit
by altering the frequency and length of each individual season.
So if you want to, you can have an environment with shorter summers and longer winters,
or disable certain seasons entirely.
Though a new game will always begin in summertime,
let's start off by looking at Spring, because it reminds me of shock absorbers.
Throughout each season, you'll have a set of festivals, holidays, and weather types
taking over the entire town,
and with Spring you have typical springtimey stuff,
pretty much all related to producing life and renewing the environment.
Trees start growing their leaves again,
birds and other animals start appearing in greater numbers,
and you even have random flowers and mushrooms popping out of the ground
to pick and ingest or simply admire.
Yes, it's a veritable Disney animated feature coming to Sim life...
during spring.
I half-expect friggin' Snow White to pop out of the trash can
and start droning on about a smile and a song or something.
You also get occasional rain showers, thunderstorms and fog rolling in
throughout the season.
Rain is just awesome in any game, but as immersive as The Sims can be,
it really is fantastic here.
The way the water drips off the rooftops,
the way it puddles on the ground and in the roads,
the way the wind effects it,
and the way it varies in intensity as the day goes along.
It waters your plants. It soaks your Sims. It adds an extra layer of realism to the
game that I can't imagine playing without at this point.
Though it really doesn't do much but provide a minor inconvenience,
because as far as I know, there are unfortunately no disasters relating to weather
other than the occasional bolt of lightning frying a tree or a Sim.
You don't get any flooding, you don't get any tornados,
no hurricanes, not even any power outages,
so it's no real threat and is just kind of there.
But Sims don't like to get soaking wet,
so having an umbrella is definitely a good idea.
It's not like they'll melt or anything, but they will complain.
Also a good idea is to deck your Sim out in the new outdoor clothing sets.
This outerwear is a mixture of new clothing and old clothing, but mostly old clothing,
all of which is suitable for keeping your Sim of any age relatively safe from the elements.
Really aren't too many new outfits, but you do get some gear
appropriate for snow, rain, and looking like a doofus.
Balls yeah, you now have more costumes
for both children and adults,
like this utterly superb hot dog suit.
It is my motto in life that everything is more enjoyable when you're a hot dog,
and this allows me to fulfill that.
Though these outdoor outfits aren't just for show,
since if you don't wear the proper clothing, Sims can get sick,
especially if they're exposed to the elements for too long.
Sickness mostly just provides a bad moodlet for a few days,
though sometimes it is contagious,
so those basement torture dungeons can come in handy as a makeshift quarantine/
concentration camp if need be.
Yes, keeping seems healthy at any cost is quite important,
not only because it's a pain if they aren't,
but also so they can enjoy the new seasonal festivals.
Every season, you have a different festival, which often takes place in the town center
or a nearby large park.
For spring, the focus of the festival is on love and procreation.
You can celebrate getting it on by roller skating in the skating rink,
because nothing is sexier than goofy-looking shoes with wheels bolted to the bottom.
This is actually a new hidden skill,
so the more your sims fall over themselves and look like idiots,
the better they'll get at falling over themselves and looking like idiots.
Though that's really about all you can do here.
I would have liked some Rollerball-style action,
but it seems Jonathan E. and the Energy Corporation are nowhere to be found.
You can also play horseshoes,
which is about as enjoyable as watching someone throw bent pieces of metal at a stick can get.
Slow dancing makes a comeback with the dance floor,
or if you're not quite as hands-on,
then just put your hands on the love tester machine,
which does a great job of parting a gullible fool with his money.
Or those with commitment issues can simply purchase a kiss from the kissing booth.
And yes, both genders are accounted for as long as you pay the fee.
You even get to hunt not-Easter eggs during not-Easter,
which will net your Sim some festival tickets
that can be redeemed for all sorts of prizes large and small.
Most of them can be purchased in buy mode with money,
but there are a few things you can't, so that's cool.
And near the end of the season, the seasonal holiday comes around,
and with Spring you get Love Day,
an approximation of Valentine's Day.
This is the day set aside to bribe your significant other
into providing you sexual favors by spending lots of money
on overpriced goods and services.
Err, if you're less cynical, it's the day
where you bask in the loving glow of your life partner,
confident that your souls will forever be entwined in joy and passion
and oh wow, I really can't pull that off.
The new relationship and romance system certainly comes into effect on this day,
with Sims now having levels of attraction to each other
similar to how it was in The Sims 2.
Though in my experience, every Sim I met seemed to be attracted to mine,
but I guess that's what you get when you make Duke Nukem.
Next up we have Summer,
which is a lot like Spring except with less shagging and egg hunting
and more explosives and higher temperatures.
Weather remains largely the same as Spring
but with harsher storms that not only bring more rain and lightning,
but also hail and heavy winds.
Again, it's nothing devastating, but hail will pelt your Sims in a rather unpleasant fashion.
Temperature and the sun itself are the big things to watch out for though,
since your Sims can easily overheat and cook if they don't keep cool somehow.
First comes the sunburn, so finding some shade or some sunscreen could definitely
be on your agenda.
Even worse, if they get too hot, they'll spontaneously combust into flame
and burn to a pile of ashes.
[Sim screaming]
Yep, in the words of the immortal Butt-head,
the sun sucks, especially during a heat wave.
Thankfully, there are several ways to stay cool,
many of them involving water.
For one thing, Sims can finally swim in the ocean and certain waterways.
Just click on where you want to go and swim away.
Well, as long as you're human and clothed,
as pets cannot swim in the ocean
and skinny dipping is not allowed.
You can swim pretty far out,
but oddly there is no threat of drowning.
Kind of lame, actually, since you can get a drowning moodlet,
but no matter what, your Sims will never actually drown,
and instead will always swim back to the shore
even if their energy is completely drained.
You also get floats to use,
which can be used in the ocean or in pools.
There is no surfing or bodyboarding, though,
which I guess makes sense due to the ocean being boring and not having any real waves.
And dang it, you don't get any water slides for your pool either.
But thank friggin' holy crap you do have diving boards now.
In fact, you don't even have to get this expansion to get diving boards
and ocean swimming,
since they were added in a patch that released shortly before Seasons.
So enjoy those diving boards, my fellow Simmers,
for through our patience, suffering, and endless forum whining,
we have earned them.
The summer festival itself is not bad either,
with things like face painting now available.
Just wander on into this shady-looking tent
to have what I imagine to be a weird smelly old guy
paint generic objects on your skull flesh.
You can also partake in other temperate climate activities
like attacking Sims with soccer balls,
attacking Sims with water balloons,
smothering shaved ice and nasty syrup to make snow cones,
and entering a hot dog eating contest that
has a high probability of killing you.
Yes, whether it's pie, hot dogs, or whatever else,
your Sim can choke and die doing this,
so make sure you've saved first.
One far less dangerous activity–
but certainly no less questionable–
is the tanning booth.
Here your Sims can get a spray on orange glow
that makes sure you're the standout "Situation" of the festival.
Sims can also make use of a wider variety of fireworks
from sparklers to snakes,
to Roman candles.
And at the end of every summer comes the leisure day holiday,
where the town is free from work and school and everyone competes to see who
can blow each other up with cheap fireworks first.
The next season is fall, or autumn,
with the leaves of deciduous trees changing colors and falling to the ground,
forming yet another chore to waste time doing.
Raking leaves is a thing now,
which makes me wonder why mowing lawns isn't a thing during the summer.
I mean seriously, they've added leaves and flowers and rainfall,
yet grass is still as lifeless as ever.
Oh well, rake the leaves into a pile and you have a new WooHoo location,
which works the same way as the hay pile from the Pets expansion.
Or you can do other things to it, like toss the leaves around
like only a six foot tall hot dog could.
Or even set it on fire to be rid of it once and for all.
The fall festival is pretty awesome, though,
since it reminds me a wee bit of Magic Town from The Sims Makin' Magic.
For example, you have a haunted house to explore.
And by explore, I mean send your Sims inside
and trust that they're having fun.
Wouldn't these be awesome if they were like the tombs in the World Adventures pack
where you could control the Sims wandering around inside?
Eh, whatever, your Sims still find them entertaining,
and there's a chance they'll piss themselves or get cursed by a witch,
so it's not totally useless.
Sims can also go bobbing for apples,
which wins them festival tickets and a deserved reputation for having a big mouth
and all that that implies.
Sims can also pick pumpkins at the pumpkin patch,
then take them home to carve them into jack-o'-lanterns,
though this often has mixed results,
which may annoy perfectionist Sims.
Though probably the part I was most excited about with this season was trick-or-treating,
which takes place on and around the autumn not-Halloween holiday called Spooky Day.
I say "was" excited about, because while it's awesome when it works,
it mostly didn't for me.
I sent my sims to eight different houses throughout one night
and only one of them had anyone home.
And since kids can't stay out past curfew, you really don't have much time to do this,
so it's quite possible to end a Spooky Day with nothing to show for it.
And this reminds me of my own disappointing Halloweens as a kid,
and it really sucks because I wanted my tricks and treats, dang it,
but all I got was a rock.
Yeah, I suppose it's somewhat realistic for not every Sim to be home,
but it sure isn't very fun.
And no Sims ever came trick-or-treating to my house,
so my ugly jack-o'-lanterns weren't even enjoyed by anyone
other than Hot Dog Duke Nukem and his band of Merry Weiner Wenches.
But then it's on to winter,
which is easily my favorite of the seasons.
And you know what?
This is the first time reviewing a Sims expansion where I honestly wish I were
playing the game instead of reviewing it right now
because the winter season is just that enjoyable for me.
The leaves are all gone, the rain turns to snow, the lakes turn to ice,
and everything around town starts to slow down and get quieter.
It's serene and downright beautiful at times,
and it's amazing how much it changes the entire atmosphere of The Sims 3.
I love how the snow builds up over time,
eventually resulting in quite a deep layer of the stuff.
I love how the Sims leave tracks in the snow when they're walking around in it.
I love how icicles hang off the edge of buildings and the windows fog up inside.
Can you tell I really frickin' like this season?
Sims can do all sorts of stuff with snow too,
like making snow angels,
having snowball fights,
and building snowmen.
And there's really nothing like watching Hot Dog Duke Nukem
lay the smack down on some poor kid's snowman,
laughing all the way.
Then there's ice skating, which works the same as roller skating,
but you aren't restricted to the rink in this case.
If you have a freshwater lake or pond,
it will freeze over and you can skate on that instead.
Do note that pools, fountains, rivers and oceans don't freeze over,
so forget any plans of skating off into the sunset across the sea.
I also wish they'd added more things to do in the snow like using snowmobiles
or skiing or even sledding.
But you do get snowboarding,
even though it's restricted to halfpipe usage only.
Another hidden skill, here you get to watch your Sim get some air and break some limbs,
just like back in the Vacation expansion years ago.
Another returning item is the igloo,
which can be built anywhere there is enough snow
and which acts as a nice warm place to sleep,
as well as get some icy action if you still need even more warmth.
Of course, if your Sims don't stay warm enough,
they will freeze and fall over,
so having someone nearby to thaw them out with a hair dryer is a must.
And of course with winter, you have the not-Christmas holiday
known as Snowflake Day.
Throwing a gift-giving party during this holiday puts everyone in a good mood.
And I mean they're getting free junk and hot drinks, so I guess I can't blame them.
This activity is not really that involved though.
I mean, you can't choose what gifts everyone gets, but it's still cool to watch.
Though a really curious omission are holiday decorations.
There just aren't any.
I mean, you do have mistletoe which enables your Sims to kiss pretty much anyone at any time,
and you do have string and hanging lights for the outside of your house,
which is a nice touch even though you can't customize the position of them.
But where are the wreaths? The trees? The garland?
The creepy santa gnomes and tacky little porcelain towns?
There used to be some of this stuff on The Sims 3 online store,
but as of right now they're no longer available for download,
which is just bizarre.
This stuff is ideal for Seasons.
Hopefully holiday decorations are added soon,
either on the store or in a stuff pack like they did with The Sims 2.
Beyond all of this though, you get several other notable additions,
of which one of the biggest is the return of aliens.
And I'm not entirely sure why they chose Seasons to include extraterrestrials,
but whatever, here they are, whether you want them or not.
Basically they'll show up whenever they feel like it,
but it seems like I was able to draw them in quicker by using the telescope to search the Galaxy.
Once they show up, they'll probably abduct you and do wondrous things to your bodily orifices,
sometimes resulting in pregnancy.
And yes, even male Sims can get pregnant this way.
You can't make aliens in Create a Sim,
but you can befriend them and eventually welcome them into your household.
They're mostly like ordinary Sims except... you know, they're aliens.
You can have relationships with them, converse with them, go to the movies, go fishing,
watch the stars at night, which kind of takes on a whole new meaning
with an alien.
They also have special powers like mind-reading, probing, and the ability to
boost or drain Sims' energy.
They also have a freakin' awesome UFO, which works a lot like a car.
A car that can abduct and attack random Sims around town,
as well as travel to other planets.
But traveling through space really just works like the time machine,
so you won't be seeing anything other than text
telling you that it's awesome,
and sometimes bringing back a trinket or two.
Another thing you get, at least if you have the Supernatural expansion installed,
is the weather stone.
This is placed randomly somewhere in town
and allows supernatural Sims to use it
to cause unique weather types.
Witches can cause bewitching rain that makes sims dance like crazy,
vampires can cause fog that makes it easier to bite sims,
werewolves can cause a storm that increases collectibles,
and fairies can cause a reviving sparkle
that revives plants and kills weeds.
So, if you've ever wanted to smother a town in floating flowers and glitter
like some sort of mad scientist Martha Stewart, now's your chance.
And if you get the limited edition of the expansion,
you get a new lot called the Ice Lounge,
a club that reminds me a bit of Graves' Ice Palace in Die Another Day.
Nothing special here, it just comes with some icy themed objects and is simply
there to look cool.
Haha, get it?
Oh, you don't like my puns? Well you can chill out.
A few other minor things have been added like a weather channel and weather section of the
newspaper that gives you the forecast,
new food and recipe types to coincide with the various seasons and festivals,
an online computer dating service,
taking greeting card photos, and lots of new versions of existing items
like grills, hot tubs, lamps, and a variety of chairs.
Man, I'm sure glad we have more chairs.
And lastly, you also get some ridiculous lifetime awards that act like cheat codes,
like the Climatron Control Unit,
which is a machine that allows you to change the weather to anything you want,
anytime you want.
So, is The Sims 3 Seasons worth buying or not?
Of course, the suggested retail price is 40 US dollars, no surprise there,
and for that you get four seasons, four holidays, four festivals, six weather types,
aliens, and a bunch of new objects and interactions appropriate to the subject matter.
While there are some things left out that would seem rather obvious to include,
like lawn mowing, surfing, boating, natural disasters,
and small things like separate scarfs for your Sims to wear,
I'd still completely recommend getting Seasons.
This is an expansion that augments every aspect of the game
and gives you plenty of new things for your Sims to experience,
all while keeping that traditional Sims formula of playing with life intact.
For me, this eighth expansion is probably my favorite next to Late Night,
and even though I wish it had even more,
it's not big enough of an issue for me to dwell on it.
So, if you like the core Sims 3 experience
and just want to really flesh out your world,
you can't go wrong with getting this one.