What are some signs that your ex wants you back?
Today I'm going to be sharing with you 5 signs that your ex wants you back, and these are
probably signs that you may not have heard anywhere else and these are going to be kind
of-- need a little bit of explanation, so stay tuned and you're going to probably learn
a lot from this.
This is Clay with the Relationship Inner Game channel where we help you get the dating relationship
outcomes that you want without BS or mind games.
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Okay, signs your ex wants you back.
The first one, this one is called the positive pull back.
This one requires some explanation, but in order to break up with you, your ex needs
to see you as the kind of person that's worthy of breaking up with.
If they were to look at you as the perfectly flawed person who probably has nice intentions,
that we all are, your ex is probably going to have a hard time breaking up with you,
but if they can create an image of you that's worthy of breaking up with, by possibly exaggerating
some of the things that you did or didn't do, or by adding things that weren't there,
then they're actually going to have a much easier time breaking up with you.
So if you're interacting with your ex, know that they're probably not interacting with
you that's right there.
They're interacting with this concept of you that they created in their mind that was worth
breaking up with.
Maybe you told a little white lie, but they broke up with the version of you that lies
all the time, right?
You understand?
Or maybe you just got confused and made a mistake, but they broke up with a version
of you that did that intentionally, right?
And so you have to understand that you're really competing against this concept of you
in their mind.
What happens is when you interact with your ex, there's two versions of you that show
up.
There is the one that they think that they broke up with and then there's the real you
and every time you have an interaction with your ex that feels good on an emotional level
where the two of you are connecting, where you're being genuine.
When you're considering their opinions and perspectives on things and all that stuff.
What's happening is they're seeing this divide.
They're saying, okay, here's this nice person in front of me, but I thought you were this
complete jerk over here.
What's going on?
Which one's right?
Which one's correct?
Was I wrong in my initial judgment of you?
Or are you putting on an act right now?
Just trying to trick me into coming back, and so what happens after these positive interactions
is your ex will pull back.
They'll pull back emotionally in order to try to figure out what's going on in order
to try and make sense about this disconnect, and so that is definitely a very strong sign
that your ex wants you back.
They like what they saw with you, but they don't trust it yet.
They don't trust it.
It's through consistency that they're learning.
How to trust that you are the person that they see in front of them with their own eyes,
not the version that they think they broke up with.
Okay.
That's the positive pull back.
You have to be consistent.
You have to keep it up.
Okay.
The second sign that your ex wants you back is that they might even actually discourage
you from trying within the right context.
You know Asterix, within the right context.
One of the things that I have done that I'm somewhat well known for is creating the five
stages that your ex goes through on the process of getting back together and on the fourth
stage, which is called crisis point, you and your ex have a strong emotional connection,
but at this point your ex will probably actively discourage you from trying to get back together
with them.
They might say things like, you're too good for me, or you should date other people and
things like that and this is not what they might say out of like a complete fit of anger
or something like that.
When they're maybe in the wall of reactance stage or something like that.
This is when the two of you have a strong emotional connection, but they're trying to
discourage you.
Now what's going on here?
What's going on here is that oftentimes in life your ex will have to rearrange their
life in certain ways in order to get back together with you.
They might have to break up with a rebound relationship that they're in.
They might have to tell all their friends and family that the two of you are getting
back together again and maybe they're afraid that that the two of you might end up breaking
up a second time.
I don't know, and so they don't want to look foolish in front of their friends or family.
Maybe they might have to move.
Maybe they might have to rearrange their life in some other way and it would definitely
be a lot easier if they didn't have to do this and it'd be a lot easier if you didn't
want to get back together with them.
It would be a lot easier if the great relationship that they feel with you wasn't accessible
to them.
So oftentimes they'll try to discourage you to see if you'll make it easy for them to
see if you'll walk away and give up to see if you will go on and date other people because
then they can just shrug their shoulders and say, oh well, you know, hey look at that.
I don't have to break up with my rebound because they weren't serious to begin with.
I just gave up.
That's fine.
Okay, that's cool.
I have my rebound.
I don't have to worry about making this difficult decision.
I can just go on my merry way.
Right.
That's definitely a sign that your ex wants to get back together with you.
And of course the way that you get past this one is that you continue to focus on building
positive interactions so your ex feels really comfortable knowing that you are going to
be there for them if they were to do things like break up with the rebound, like tell
all their friends and family that the two of you are getting back together, like move
back to the same city or something like that.
If they feel comfortable, they can actually make that final step to get back together
with you.
That's the second sign is the discouraging.
The third sign is if they're willing to take things beyond the platonic level, now most
of the time your ex will probably try to keep things within the boundaries of a platonic
interaction, not because you're in the friend zone, not because they don't feel attracted
to you, but because they don't know how they feel about you right now.
They don't know if they want to get back together with you.
They don't know if the problems that that caused the breakup have been fixed or not.
They don't know this stuff.
They're still discovering this on their own and they don't want to give you what they
consider false hope.
They don't want you to think that there might be a possibility of getting back together
with them unless they are very sure about this themselves, so oftentimes they'll try
to keep things within the boundaries of a platonic sort of friendship sort of thing.
Again, they are attracted to you, just they want to keep them within those boundaries
and they're willing to go beyond those platonic boundaries if they want to get back together
with you.
Right, so they might flirt with you, they might maybe make some innuendos with you.
They might talk about possibly getting back together with you.
They might talk about maybe some day, they might talk about, you know, things that you
might do together.
They might talk about being intimate.
Again, these are a strong indicator that your ex wants to get back together with you is
if they're willing to take things beyond the platonic level.
It means they're not concerned about giving you false hope anymore because they want to
see what's possible between the two of you themselves.
Okay?
That's the third sign.
The fourth sign is if they're willing to talk to you on an emotional level.
Now in order to break up with you, again, your ex has to create that image that's worth
breaking up with.
So oftentimes they're going to harden their heart towards you and they're not going to
open up and share emotionally, but if your ex is comfortable enough to open up and share
emotionally, it means that they are starting to soften up.
It means they're starting to open up.
It means they're starting to feel a little bit more vulnerable, a little bit more willing
to share with you, and that means that they're starting to feel closer emotionally to you.
Again, this is a very strong sign that your ex wants to get back together with you.
The fifth sign, and this one's going to be a little bit weird, but hear me out.
So your ex is going to want to know if you are dating anyone else, your ex is going to
want to know if you're in a relationship with somebody else.
If you're dating somebody else, if you're interested in somebody else, and sure they
might go ahead and directly ask you that, but sometimes they might not want to seem
so obvious and so what they might do is they might talk about how they're interested in
that person.
How they like that person, how that person is hitting on them or something like that
because it can be an invitation for you to say, Oh yeah, I'm dating somebody else too.
Or yeah, there's a girl that's interested in me.
I think I might ask her out, or something like that.
And so what your ex is really doing is they're talking about how they're interested in other
people as sort of a way of testing the waters to see if you'll jump on board and say, Oh
yeah, I'm interested in other people too.
I'm dating other people too, you know, other people are interested in me.
Right.
So they're kind of feeling out where you're at on this whole relationship thing.
So they don't have to look over invested by saying, Hey, are you dating anyone or anyone
else because I am kind of interested in dating you.
Right.
They may not want to say that.
So what they might do is they might try to get you talking about if somebody is interested
in you or if you're interested in somebody else by talking about how they are interested
in somebody else as well too.
This is kind of another crisis points sort of activity, so definitely keep an eye out
for that.
That's definitely a sign that your ex wants you back.
Okay, so I hope this has helped you out.
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Anyway, this has been Clay.
Take care.
I'll see you in the next video.