- Oh, got a new book there?
- Yeah, I'm likin' it,
but what I'm really hankering for
is George R.R. Martin's next book.
- Hello boys!
Did someone just say hungering?
- George R.R. Martin!
- No, I said hankering.
- I got something you'd be very interested in.
- Yeah?
- Something I've been working on for a very long time.
- Yeah?
- A hefty tomb, great enough to satisfy
even the greatest fan.
- Yeah? - Yeah?
- Fire and Blood:
A History of the Targaryen Kings, haha!
- Oh. - Oh.
- Yeah, that's right.
You'd like that little, you little fancy pigs.
- Yeah, it's like a text book.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, about stuff that doesn't exist.
- That's right.
Well, here ya go.
Oink, oink.
You fancy freaks eat up your slop.
- Eww!
- Anyway, I'm gonna go back to sleep for seven years
like a cicada.
- No no wait, no no wait, hey, no no hey.
Hey, hey wake up, hey, don't die!
(screaming)
- Fuck!
- I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry, Mr. Martin.
Do you have any idea when you might expect to see
the next book in A Song of Ice and Fire?
- Yeah 'cause we're really excited for it
and it seems like you're working on maybe a ton of
other stuff except it.
- Like mostly other things.
- Yeah.
- You ungrateful saplings!
I just gave you a whole book!
After all the novellas,
after all the prequels,
after all the sequels,
you want more, more, more.
You're no different than those little Comic Con
creep, creepy, little creepy crawly creeps.
- Yeah but none of that concludes the story
that we started 22 years ago!
We just want an ending!
- I know what it is you're after.
- Do you?
- You want the masterpiece I've been writing
for the last eight years.
- Yeah!
- You want the Winds of Winter.
- Yes! - Oh my God, yes!
- Yes!
- Oh my God!
- Well, here you have it.
The Winds of Winter!
- Oh, fuck off.
- Yeah, that's right, songs for the flute
written in a minor key,
played by me, George R.R. Martin.
- This is what you've been working on?
- Who even has a CD player anymore?
- Well I have a CD player.
- What?
- You little fantasy hores, you dun stuck your
snouts in the mud and found yourself a tasty truffle.
(snorting)
- We don't want music, and prequels,
and little side novels, and maps,
and ancillary content, okay.
We want--
- A line of sophisticated men's vests
from the mind of George R.R Martin.
- No! - No!
- No?
What the hell do you want, the next book?
- Yes! - Yes!
That's what we've been saying!
- Yes!
- Yes! Of course!
- How have we not been clear?
- Ya'll think you're so special, I'll tell you what,
this time next month,
I will present to you George R.R. Market.
- God dammit!
- A chain of grocery stores with high quality products
for low prices--
- No, no!
- From the mind of George R.R. Martin.
- We just want the next installment of the book series
we already know and love.
- Okay, okay, alright.
So what you're saying is, you want a TV show
about a haunted spaceship?
- No! - No!
- Are you sure, 'cause I already made it?
- Oh! - God dammit!
- It's called Night Fliers.
- Please, please, Mr R.R. Martin,
I am begging you, just finish the book!
- Very well then!
(clap clap)
If that's how you really feel,
beginning now, I shall begin our,
I shall begin writing the book you've all been waiting for.
I, Hodor, The Life of Hodor,
written in the voice of Hodor.
- No, that's not.
- Hodor, Hodor.
(typing)
Stop breathing.
(sigh)
- We're just never gonna get those books are we?
- No.
I mean that'll teach me to start an uncompleted series.
- Yeah, tell me about it.
- Hey Raven, when you're done not breathing,
can you bring me a Popsicle?
And put the PT Cruiser back inside the house please.
- Yes.
- Thank you!