- All right. And here's your Oreo blizzard.
- Why'd you flip it?
- We flip them all to ensure quality and consistency.
- Cool.
- And here are your fries.
(fries crash)
Here's your burger,
(burger thumps)
and here's your Sprite.
- Wait, what?
(drink splashes)
- Enjoy your meal.
- I think this is Sierra Mist.
- Every Dairy Queen Ever.
- Alrighty, and that was our vat of hardening chocolate
that we dip all of our cones and Dilly Bars into.
Just make sure you protect it.
- From what?
- Not what. Who.
(bell chimes)
- Ah, just let me dip it in.
- I told you, Randy. No!
- Come on. Please just once, just let me dip it in.
I got to know what it's like. Let me dip it in.
- Get out of here, you freak. - Let me dip it in.
Come on.
- No, go.
Get, get, get, get.
- Oh, so that's why they gave me the bat.
- [Kimmy] Flip it.
- Hi. - Hi.
- I meant to ask how many calories are in your ice cream?
- Ice cream?
Oh, oh no, no, no, no.
Legally we don't have ice cream here.
What we do have is less than 5% dairy.
So it's classified as treat.
- Treat?
Does it taste like ice cream?
- Again, I can't comment on ice cream,
but legally I can say that treat tastes exactly like treat.
- What's in treat?
- Legally?
- Yeah.
- Come here, come here, come here.
(Kimmy coughs)
The components of treat.
- Okay.
Doesn't DQ stand for Dairy Queen?
- Legally, DQ stands for D'Treat Qu'Treat.
♪ D'Treat Qu'Treat ♪
♪ M'Treat to eat ♪
♪ D'Treat Qu'Treat ♪
It's my favorite.
- Where are the speakers?
- [Damien] D'Treat Qu'Treat,
M'Treat me to eat and D'Treat Qu'Treat.
♪ Oh yeah ♪
- Plays every time I say that.
- [Noah] Cold.
- 180, 260, 540, 720, 900, 1080, 102060.
- Hey, guys.
If you're gonna hang out in the parking lot all day,
can you at least like come inside and buy something?
- Shh, don't talk to them.
The teens are here all day.
Trust me. The parking lot is theirs.
You do not want to start anything.
Oh, hey guys.
Don't mind him. He's new.
Okay, please don't egg us.
Enjoy your Juuling and your kick flipping
and your cool guys things.
And oh my God. Wait, look wait.
What the frick? Is that a Blizzard?
(cup bangs)
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Oh, they're distracted.
Go, go, go, go, go.
(grunting)
- [Kimmy] Treat.
- Burgers, Blizzards, queso fries, and pretzels?
Man, this menu is all over the place.
Who decides this stuff?
- Who dares questions the authority of the Dairy Queen?
Do you think I have time to ponder what peasants
like you think of my kingdom's menu?
(laughs)
Please!
- Wait. What is happening right now?
- I have Burger King encroaching from the north,
White Castle aching to breach my gates,
and Jack in his pernicious box anticipating my demise.
We are at war, boy. You get what you get.
- I'll fight in your war if you let me dip it in.
- Randy, you sick pervert. Get out of here.
- My Liege, let me dip it in.
- Randy, exit the premises.
- I kneel before you.
Just let me kneel on that chocolate. Come on.
- Leave from my crown.
- Oh, man.
- His filth reeks of horny.
- [Jackie] Dairy.
(light music)
- Oh, how was your meal?
- I don't know what I ate.
- Legally, you didn't eat.
Legally, you witnessed treat.
- What is this place?
- It's nothing, Harry. It's nothing.
(evil laughs)
(mumbling)
(laughs)
- Queen.
- Hey, can I have a Belt Buster?
- Oh yeah. They only sell those at DQS in Texas.
Yeah. Texas has a completely different menu.
It's crazy out there.
- Please?
- No, but I can cut to a scene where we're in Texas.
- Oh,
- Can I get a Belt Buster?
- Yes you can.
- Can I get one of those big
old barbecue blizzards with all them fixings?
- Coming right up.
- And can I get a gun?
- Yippee Ki-Yes.
- I heard you guys do things differently here.
- Randy?
- Yeah.
- We heard about you Randy.
Come on back.
- Really?
I could dip it in?
- Hell yes Randy. Do what you please.
Come on back here, get get.
(Randy yelling)
- His yeehog is itching for some chocolate.
- Dang straight me mama.
(laughs)
- And anyways, we'll put the bats away and let's see.
Alright. This is where you keep the bags.
That's where we keep the ball and bats. And then yeah.
Coffee. Anything? questions?
- Shouldn't we just lock the front door.
- You think?
(laughs)
- No.
(evil laughs) - NO!
- YEAH! - NO!
(screaming)
- Damnit!
(both laughing)
- Anyways.
So these are where we keep the things
that we put the fries into.
And then-
- I have a burning in my loins.
- Oh my God!
(all yelling)
(calmly) - So my only note would be when you hit
with the bat, - Uh-huh
- make sure you hit with most surface area possible
to scare away the Randy's.
- Anyway, would you like to cake chunks
or the upsetting hotdog?
- I highly recommend the upsetting hotdog.
- I'll get the hotdog, it's next to the chocolate, right?
- Randy!
- That was dope.
- I auto-tuned myself.
- That's awesome.
- Thank you.
- I'm on your side.
- I'm not only the queen of dairy, but the queen of pop.
- Ohh, Lady Gaga
- Lady Gaga.
(all laughing)
(making monkey sounds)
(clapping)
- Feel good.
- Okay! (screaming)
- Great first day of training.
I think we can end it there.
Um the, yeah, so I quit.
Have fun,
Randy.
It's been a pleasure.
Yeah. It's been a pleasure. Okay.
- I dipped with that hand. I'm so sorry.
(screams)
- I'm so sorry.
(fake crying) - No no no no no.
- [Producer] Cut!
- That was assault.
- It's not even a real,
it's not even a real blizzard.
- Why would you carry around a fake blizzard. Thats weird.
Wanna play hacky sack?
- Yeah, lets do it.
- Every dairy queen ever. (laughs)
- Can I get a whole family of cows?
- Hell yes!
- Throw some pigs in there too.
- Why didn't you ask sooner?
- Can I get a whole truck of hay?
- You can get two!
- What about all them peanuts
that are on the ground of the bar?
- I'll pick them up and I'll give them to you.
- Thanks shove them in my mouth.
- I'd be happy to.
- Can you just send me over to the rodeo and just Postmates
all this food over there?
- You're sure damn right I can.
- Thank you, can you bring four extra guns to that order
and a side of another hand gun with some ketchup?
- Yes ma'am.
- Thank you. What else you got?
- What else do I got? A little bit of depression.
- Nice!