There's no doubt Guardians of the Galaxy is one heck of a great movie.
Marvel expanded its universe into the cosmos, and introduced an entire team of new heroes,
while sneaking in a ton of tributes to all your favorite space movies.
But it wasn't perfect.
It was pretty close, sure, but there are still a few head-scratchers that are tough to get
past when you really think about'em.
From the inadequacies of the universe's super cops to questionable tech, here are a few
dumb things in Guardians of the Galaxy everyone just ignored.
That's one popular orb
The film kicks off with Quill showing off his sweet dance moves during an attempt to
grab the magical orb at the heart of the story.
It establishes Star-Lord as the roguish hero, shows off the film's sweet soundtrack, and
pretty much sets the pace for everything to follow.
You could be forgiven for not wondering why this ultra-powerful orb is just abandoned
on the random, largely destroyed planet Morag.
But here's a better question: why has everyone suddenly started looking for it at the same
time?
Thanos didn't want it until now?
Nobody cared about this insanely powerful artifact until this exact moment, and pretty
much everyone arrived on this planet at the same time to get it.
Did a Google Alert go off or something?
Well, not exactly.
It turns out that some dialogue cut from the movie explains that Morag was once a highly-advanced
civilization, which explains why they'd have an Infinity Stone.
And everyone shows up at once because the seas on Morag only recede every 300 years,
so if there's ever a time to steal an undersea treasure, that's it.
Still, you only get points for what makes it into the final cut, movie.
That sweet tape deck
It's not unheard of for a walkman to last through the decades.
It's rare, but if kids in the 1980s could fix ‘em, it stands to reason that Peter
Quill — with access to space technology that includes, but is not limited to, space-travel
and mind-control arrows — could probably repair an old walkman and keep it charged.
Less likely is the fact that Quill's killer mixtape would also survive over the years…
but director James Gunn has it all figured out, explaining things in a Facebook post,
"GUYS, THEY HAVE THE ALIEN TECHNOLOGY TO TRAVEL FASTER THAN LIGHT BETWEEN PLANETS, I think
they can figure out an alternative power source for the Walkman, and they likely also have
technology to slow the degradation to the tape and player.
This seems obvious to me."
That also seems to explain how Quill built a cassette deck inside his ship.
It's certainly a key part of his throwback charm.
But exactly how Quill got that sweet 1980s look for his deck will forever be a mystery
that no amount of Facebook posts can solve.
Sucky space police
The Nova Corps are the premiere intergalactic police force, kind of like the Green Lanterns
of the Marvel Comics world.
“He’s got a codename!”
“Come on man, it’s an outlaw name.”
“Relax pal.
It’s cool to have a codename.
It’s not that weird.”
In the comic books, they're a force to be reckoned with.
But their big-screen counterparts aren't all that impressive.
During the early scene when Rocket, Groot, Quill, and Gamora are having an all-out chase
across the city, the Cops aren't exactly quick to actually put a stop to it.
And after the climactic battle for Xandar, even the Ravagers show up to the crash site
before any Nova Corps members make an appearance.
And before you point out that the Nova Corps were late to the party just because they were
in the big spaceship battle with Ronan, don't forget...the Ravagers were in that fight too.
C'mon, guys — this is your planet!
Don't let those smelly space pirates beat you to the action.
The prison guards in the Kyln aren't much better.
When the Guardians are gathered together in the prison's control room, the guards gather
outside with huge rocket launchers…
“On my command…
NUMBER ONE!”
...and proceed to have a slow countdown, finally firing their missiles, one at a time.
Even though it looks like one more shot would end the whole thing, the guards continue to
give...warnings...
just long enough for Rocket to finish up his rewire job.
It's like they're paying by the missile or something.
And this isn't even the last example of space-soldiers being abnormally gun-shy.
Arrowed!
So, after Yondu crashes and it looks like he's about to be captured, he whips out his
magic space arrow and uses it to take out a whole platoon of soldiers.
It is totally, and completely bad ass.
But...why didn't the soldiers just shoot Yondu?
He's obviously controlling this thing, but they all just stand there and watch this thing
mow them down.
There's literally one guy standing there with his gun on Yondu.
Just look!
You dummy!
What kinda stupid space-goon gets killed by an arrow?
These guys are worse than Stormtroopers.
The ol' switcheroo
By the end of the movie, we're well aware that Peter Quill is a quick thinker and a
con man, so it's not surprising when he swaps out the real orb with a fake, in a clever
move that keeps the orb out of play and into safe keeping.
The first orb container was obviously a super-ornate, powerful device designed to contain the colossal
power of the Infinity stone…
so how does that replacement, bargain basement orb that Gamora uses not just, like, instantly
explode under the stress of its cosmic energies?
“I can’t believe you had that in your purse!”
“It’s not a purse, it’s a knapsack!”
And where's Gamora getting these two-packs of Infinity gem containers?
Orbs R Us?
OrbMart?
Big Orb's Discount Orb Shack?
How's that totally generic-looking container keeping a friggin' Infinity Gem safe?
Honestly, it's enough to make you nervous just thinking about it.
“There’s a little pee coming out of me right now”
Same here, Star-Lord.
Same here.
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