YOU KNOW, EVERY NIGHT I TRY TO PUT ON THE BEST SHOW POSSIBLE
FOR YOU, MY VIEWERS.
( APPLAUSE ) BUT I KNOW I AM LEAVING OUT AN
IMPORTANT DEMOGRAPHIC-- ANIMALS WHO WATCH THE SHOW.
WELL, THAT CHANGES TONIGHT WITH OUR NEW SEGMENT: "STEPHEN
COLBERT'S BEAST REALITY."
( ANIMAL NOISES ).
>> SHARK, SHARK!
>> Stephen: TONIGHT, I'VE GOT SOME GREAT NEWS IF YOU'RE A
FROG, BECAUSE SCIENTISTS IN INDIA HAVE DISCOVERED A NEW SEX
POSITION FOR FROGS.
IT'S EXCITING NEWS FOR AMPHIBIANS EVERYWHERE.
ALSO, ONE LUCKY PIG.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) APPARENTLY, THERE ARE NEARLY
7,000 SPECIES OF FROGS OUT THERE, BUT UP UNTIL NOW, THERE
HAD BEEN ONLY HAD BEEN ONLY SIX KNOWN SEX
POSITIONS.
STILL THREE MORE THAN HUMANS HAVE.
LET'S SEE THERE'S...
LIGHTS ON, LIGHTS OFF, AND BIRTHDAY.
RESEARCHERS CAME ACROSS THE NEW POSITION AFTER SPENDING 40
NIGHTS IN A DENSE INDIAN FOREST OBSERVING THE MATING HABITS OF
FROGS, WHICH IS GREAT NEWS FOR THOSE SCIENTISTS, BECAUSE WHEN
YOU'VE DEDICATED YOUR LIFE TO STUDYING FROGS, YOU DESERVE TO
SEE SOMEONE HAVE SEX.
THE NEW FROG SEX POSITION--
>> Stephen: YOU ARE APPLAUD AGO I WANT TO REMIND YOU THAT
YOU ARE APPLAUDING SCIENTISTS ENJOY WATCHING FLOGS HAVING SEX
IN A NONSCIENTIFIC WAY.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE NEW POSITION IS CALLED THE
DORSAL STRADDLE.
AND WE'RE GOING TO SHOW IT, BUT FIRST, IF THERE ARE ANY TADPOLES
IN THE ROOM, YOU MIGHT WANT TO COVER WHAT WILL EVENTUALLY BE
THEIR EYES.
HERE IT IS.
WOW.
FROGGY WENT A-COURTIN', AND HE DID RIDE.
NOW HERE'S THE THING.
THIS IS CBS, AND AT THIS POINT I HAVE NO IDEA IF THEY'RE GOING TO
BLUR FROGS HAVING SEX OVER MY SHOULDER TONIGHT.
I CAN'T WAIT TO GO HOME AND FIND OUT.
THIS ONE HAS TO BE DONE UP AGAINST A ROCK, OR MAYBE THE
KITCHEN COUNTER WHEN THE FROG'S ROOMMATE ISN'T HOME.
SO THAT'S IT.
THAT'S THE NEW POSITION.
AND FOR ANY OF YOU UNFAMILIAR WITH THE OTHER POSITIONS, THOSE
WERE ALSO ILLUSTRATED IN THE SCIENTIFIC STUDY.
SO LET'S REVIEW.
AGAIN, FOR SCIENCE.
NUMBER ONE: AXILLARY, FROGGY STYLE.
NUMBER TWO: IN-GUINAL.
THAT'S RIBBIT, FOR HER PLEASURE.
NUMBER THREE: CEPHALIC.
THAT'S WHEN YOU'RE GOING FOR AXILLARY, BUT YOU BOTH HAD A
LONG DAY AT WORK.
NUMBER FOUR: GLUED.
THAT'S AFTER ONE OF YOU WENT OUT FOR DINNER AT THE INDIAN BUFFET.
NUMBER FIVE: INDEPENDENT.
THAT IS WHEN YOU'RE SO TIRED FROM THE FIRST FIVE POSITIONS
THAT YOU JUST ROLL OVER AND WATCH SEPARATE THINGS ON YOUR
PHONES.
AND LASTLY, NUMBER SIX: HEAD STRADDLE.
FROGS: THEY'RE JUST LIKE US.
( LAUGHTER ) SO CONGRATULATIONS!
AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN!
I MEAN THIS SINCERELY, AND I DO NOT KNOW AT THIS POINT OF THE
DAY WHETHER CBS IS GOING TO BLUR FROGS SPAWNING.
SO, CONGRATULATIONS, FROG SCIENTISTS, ON THIS BREAKTHOUGH
DISCOVERY.
BUT DON'T STOP, BECAUSE THERE IS AT LEAST ONE MORE FROG SEX
POSITION WE'VE ALL HEARD ABOUT.
SOME DAY WE'LL FIND IT.
THE RAINBOW CONNECTION.
THAT ONE IS FOR THE LOVERS, THE DREAMERS, AND ME.