- Hey everybody, happy Tuesday!
And when it's Tuesday, I'm on Tumblr.
And if you're new to my channel, welcome!
And don't forget to subscribe.
And if you're wondering who I am on Tumblr,
it's just Kati Morton.
It's easy to find me, so find me,
and ask your questions.
And I've answered some of your questions already,
but I have three questions today
as well as a little request at the end,
so stay tuned for that.
So, without further ado, question number one.
"Kati, is it normal to have anorexia
"and not be a perfectionist?"
Of course it is!
Now I know that a lot of times in the media
and just in basic conversations
outside of the mental health realm with a professional,
many people assume that one thing equals another.
Like, oh, if you have an eating disorder
you definitely have anxiety, or you definitely have OCD,
or you definitely, if you have anorexia,
you're definitely a perfectionist.
And everybody is different.
I find it just depends on the person.
Some people definitely do have a perfectionistic tendency,
and their eating disorder is something they've created
mainly because they are seeking to control their environment
and that's the one way they know how to control it.
But everybody's reason is different.
I've had patients who were sexually abused,
and so losing weight was a way
to make themselves "not appealing" to their abuser.
So that's a totally different thing,
and they weren't perfectionistic at all.
So it's definitely normal,
everybody's situation is different.
That's just something that is somewhat common,
and people have taken it as if it's fact.
But it's not, okay?
Question number two.
"Hey Kati, thanks for all you're doing."
Oh, you're very welcome.
"Can psychoanalytic therapy help a BPD patient?"
I thought this was a great question
because I know I talk about different types of therapy,
whether it be CBT or DBT,
if you're wondering what all these acronyms are,
you can search them on YouTube and find them,
just search "DBT Kati Morton" or "CBT Kati Morton."
Now, psychoanalytic therapy, what is it?
I've talked a little bit about it in the past,
and it's more diving into our past
relationships and experiences, and working
with our therapist to have a corrective experience.
So, it's almost like if, in my family of origin
when I was little, my parents were really, really hurtful
and verbally abusive and so I learned to just
not talk about how I feel, not talk about
what's going with me, and to just
try to keep everything on the up and up
so that I don't get in trouble,
because they're really mean if I get in trouble.
Now, with my therapist, I may try to recreate that.
We call that recapitulating past events.
So I may try to recapitulate it by not doing my homework,
or not doing something that the therapist
was working with me on, or I might not listen to them
and be like, you're wrong, or any number of things,
hoping that I'll, and this is weird,
it's all in our subconscious is what they believe
in psychoanalytic theory, that in our subconscious
we're hoping to have that same experience.
So I'm hoping that the therapist will be like,
"Shame on you, you're such a jerk!
"Blah, blah, blah!"
But instead, the psychotherapist is gonna say,
Well, can you tell me why you didn't do it?
Is that something, you know, and we'll look into it.
And you will have a healing experience.
With DBT, I find this to be the least helpful of therapies,
because when it comes to people
with borderline personality disorder,
we need help in the moment, in the now,
I need help managing my emotions.
I need help slowing down my reaction time.
I need to think from my wise mind.
I need to take some time.
I need to learn the stories of my emotions now.
It doesn't really help us to dig deep in the past
and then try to work on that.
We need to work on things now.
So I would encourage you, if you have the option,
'cause all therapy is better than no therapy.
Am I right?
Like getting any kind of therapy, I think, is helpful,
as long as your therapist is working with you
and you feel like you're working towards things.
I would try to seek other types.
CBT is better, even just talk therapy is better,
but DBT is the best, okay?
Question number three.
"Hey Kati, is it fair for someone
"to blame their parents for their eating disorder?"
(gasps)
"I feel like my parents were way too controlling of me
"growing up, and maybe a little bit emotionally abusive.
"I often find myself wanting to relapse when they upset me,
"as if just to get my revenge."
I thought this was a great question,
because parents' number one concerns
about them bringing their children in to see me
is that I'm gonna blame them.
Now, is it always okay to blame parents?
No.
Are parents always to blame?
No.
Are parents sometimes to blame?
Hell yes.
Because some parents just aren't the best.
I know they try their best, and that's the one thing
I always tell parents, you know, you tried your best,
you're doing the best with what you have,
and oftentimes just situational -
(scraping) Ooh.
Sorry, I have my window open 'cause it's hot here
and that car is like, racing backwards down the alleyway
which just seems very dangerous.
But sometimes parents can be really hurtful.
They can be abusive, they can be demeaning,
they can really stunt us emotionally.
And in those cases, is it okay to blame them?
Yes.
But you know where the blame falls
when we talk about getting better?
On us, 'cause we have to work on it.
Yeah, they dealt us a shitty hand
'cause they weren't really around
or they did some horrible things,
but seeking help and working on recovery
for ourselves is something
that I would encourage you to focus on.
Because yes, we want to punish them,
yes, we wanna blame them, and that's fine.
And it may come down to having a family session,
where you just hash it out and you're like,
listen, this is all fucked up and I didn't like that,
or whatever, and then you work on yourself.
And it may need, you may need to have
that cathartic experience where you hash it out with them,
but in my experience, sometimes it's just you working on you
and moving past what they did.
So, to round that up, 'cause I know I'm talking
all over the place, to kind of sum that up,
yes, it's fair to blame parents, but not all the time,
'cause parents aren't always to blame
but in your situation it sounds like
they may have been a little emotionally abusive
and that can definitely harm us,
and being really controlling can be really difficult.
And so, in some instances, it's definitely okay
to blame our upbringing.
We know it affects us a lot, right?
So, anyway, I hope that helps.
Okay, so, I have been invited to be on a podcast, yay!
With, it's called The Mental Health Happy Hour,
and it's a podcast with Paul Gilmartin.
And if you haven't checked it out,
you have to Google The Mental Health Happy Hour
and listen to it, because he talks
with different actresses, actors,
professionals in the community, people in his field.
Anyway, it's really cool,
it's kind of a take on mental health,
and he talks honestly and openly
about all of his own experiences.
He has a blog where he is very candid
about struggles he's had and what he's going through,
and I find it just so awesome.
If you're ever wondering if something that you're feeling
is normal, or you just want someone to listen to
that you feel like is talking about things
that really apply to you, he talks bipolar disorder,
eating disorder, he talks about everything.
It's just like me, but from a non-professional standpoint
but he has professionals on sometimes
just talking and hashing out situations.
Now I am going to get to be on his show,
and he was asking about what I would like to talk about.
Now my initial response was, I was gonna email right back
and be like, I'd like to talk about and debunk the myths
about eating disorders and self-harm.
I thought that would be kinda cool.
But I need to come up with three to six topics,
and I thought who better to ask than you
in hopes that you'll listen,
and I'll tell you when it's gonna be actually
put on live, the livestream on the podcast.
But yeah, so what would you like me to talk about?
What do you think is good for people to hear?
It'll just be Paul and I talking about it
and chatting about it and giving our takes on it,
so what would you like me to talk about?
Let me know below, okay?
I'll see y'all tomorrow where I'm on the website
and I'm on YouTube so ask your questions below as well,
and I will see you then.
Bye!